Red Sands

Specialist Keller, I understand you were less than fully forthcoming

during your debriefing.

However, we need to understand exactly how your fellow soldiers died

before we can move forward with this.

Your squad was stationed on a patrol

at which time your communications systems failed.

Shortly thereafter, you were attacked by a group of al-Qaeda militants.

Your staff sergeant was killed,

as were all the other members of your squad.

Somehow, you survived.

A hero, really.

Now, would you mind telling me what happened out there?

At ease, Staff Sergeant.

Staff Sergeant, do you like unicorns?

Yes, sir, I guess I like unicorns all right.

- What are you, some kind of faggot? - No, sir.

I'm just messing with you.

Just messing around.

I've been hearing a little bit about your squad today, Staff Sergeant.

Your lieutenant here tells me that you and your men are relatively competent.

Fortunately, for the task at hand, relative competence is probably sufficient.

Intel's got reports of al-Qaeda using a road to transport equipment.

You and your men will set up camp nearby, report any activity.

To engage if necessary.

Lieutenant, here, will fill you in with all further details.

You're dismissed, Staff Sergeant.

Hey, how sweaty do you think them bitches are underneath them sheets?

They wouldn't get none of that on the fruit, you don't think, right?

If I get one of them oranges, or something.

- Biscuit. Biscuit. Biscuit. Biscuit. - Go away.

- Hey. Hey, hey. - No! Get the fuck away from me.

- Biscuit. Biscuit. - Get the fuck away from me.

- Biscuit. Biscuit. - No.

- You have a biscuit? - No biscuit.

Hey, how's "biscuit" like one of the three English words these kids know?

- Biscuit. Biscuit. Biscuit. Biscuit. - No, no biscuit.

- I don't have a fucking biscuit! Fuck off! - Hey, Chard. Chard, chill. All right?

- Hey. Here, it's not a biscuit, but... Hey! - Fucking ingrates.

Give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

They're just kids.

Real bad, Davies. See how you do against a haji over 10.

Get your ass in the back of the truck.

No, see, because girls have it reversed. They have a reverse to it, all right?

Guys got the angry pirate. Girls got the angry penguin.

What's the angry penguin?

All right, so check this out.

If a girl's down and she's blowing you, you know,

she's wailing out, doing her thing, and you're like just about to bust,

and like me, you know I'm always like, "I'm going to come,"

you know, 'cause I want to say it, just 'cause I'm a gentleman.

So as you say that, she stops.

Now your pants are around your ankles.

She stops and just walks out the room. So now you're the angry penguin

'cause you're walking around and your feet are together,

and your face is like, "Oh, my God..."

- You're fucked up. - It's like...

Boy, no, Chard, check it out. Check it out. I got one for you. I got one.

- Move it! - It's an IED.

Go, now!

What? What?

See anything?

I can't see anything.

We just got to ride it out.

Go! Go!

Otus 3 Papa. This is Otus 3 Papa. Over.

Shit.

- Repeat. Repeat, over! ...weapons fired...

Abort. Echo, echo.

Otus 3 actual, be advised you are coming in broken and unreadable.

Come again, over.

Abort. Echo, echo.

- Stop the truck! - What?

Stop the truck!

Thank you. 360! Wardell, you stay.

This is Otus 3 Papa. All units on this net, this is Otus 3 Papa.

Radio check, over.

Roger, Otus 3 Papa. We read you.

- You want us in? - Negative. Recon the area.

- Roger that. Otus 3 Papa, out. Keller! - Yeah.

Lieutenant wants us to survey this area here.

They're en route to our position now.

Back here in 15 minutes, sooner if you see anything. Got it?

Yes, Staff Sergeant.

All right, you heard the man. Let's move out.

Why would all this be out here in the middle of nowhere?

Maybe they diverted the camel path or something.

Yeah, right.

Who knows why these people do anything out here.

It's fucking weird.

- What is it, Wilcox? - How should I know?

You're the one who speaks Dari and went to college and shit.

It's a...

Maybe some sort of idol, right?

I mean, Islamic law pretty much forbids the worship of images,

so maybe that's why this is hidden in here.

There's all different stories here about demons, shape shifters and Djinn.

You know, like spirits that are caught inside of lamps.

- Aladdin. - No.

The stuff is in the Koran even.

So what is it then?

Djinn were supposedly made by God from smokeless flame.

So they have no shape or form, and they pretty much hate people.

So they have to be imprisoned in objects,

or they'll just go around killing us.

Motherfucker. If you had missed and shot one of us,

or if you had even got a grain of sand in my eye,

I would have fucked you up.

I wasn't going to miss, asshole. Jesus!

Damn. That thing is old.

Good fucking job, Chard.

What the fuck are you talking about? That was a good shot.

That thing's been here like hundreds of years till your dumb ass came along.

You could say the same damn thing about every foot of this fucking desert.

All right, all right. Let's head back. See if any orders have come down.

- Yo, Gregory. - He's probably waiting to see

if we're gonna get three wishes now, or something.

Hey, those wishes are rightfully mine, fuckers.

Welcome to your new home.

Hollister, they got the supplies they need?

- Yes, sir. - Fill them in.

All right. For the next few days, our section is gonna set up operations here.

Our main objective is to monitor this road. Report all activity.

- Do you see a road? - No.

Wilcox? You've got first watch.

- Hey, Staff Sergeant. - Yeah?

- There's only seven of us here. - Your point, Davies?

I think what Davies is trying to say is that if there are any Talibs nearby,

they might see us as potential targets.

Well, that would be a sure-fire way

of finding out if there are any Talibs around, wouldn't it?

Have a great stay, ladies.

Shit! God damn it.

God damn.

You know what to do. I'll get you some shovels.

Get it done before they finish unloading the truck.

And get all this shit out of here. We're not using it.

Well, that's a relief.

What happened to these people?

White phosphorus does that.

You get hit with it, it burns right through to the bone.

Bomb must have hit just as they were sitting down to dinner.

Come on, man. You get the top. I'll get the legs.

Should we say something?

Like what?

I don't know.

Hey, dawg, why don't you go turn off the light?

No, no, no.

- Yo, Keller. - I'm not even tired.

You looking at pictures of your girl?

- What's weird shit you've done to her? - I will not be getting into that.

All you motherfuckers need to be locked up in a cage.

Shut up, shut up. You ever get a blumpkin from your girl?

What the hell is a blumpkin?

You ever... Like, let's say you eat a tacquito or something like that,

and you're sitting on the toilet and then she comes up and...

- Oh, no. - Gives you a blow job while you're shitting.

I'm gonna get sick sitting next to this sexual predator.

Come on, it's a real thing that people do.

- You did this? - He spends too much time on the Internet.

- Yeah, sick motherfucker. - You were totally into that,

and I'm not saying I've done it.

- You've done it. - But...

So she...

That ain't even fucking right.

- What the fuck? That's what I'm saying. - You sure?

- It was some goat, and it was... - He's going out there, like...

That ain't right.

Hey, man, I'll bet you as soon as we started bombing,

these rich fucking hajis got a plane ticket, moved to fucking Albany, bought a taxicab.

You are the biggest racist in the world, by the way.

Seriously, you are a racist motherfucker,

'cause the same way you talk about hajis

is the same way you talk about black, Mexican and everything else.

Now, do me a fucking favor and send your racist ass over

- 'cause I got to go on watch. - You're the only one that's got to get up.

- You shut the motherfucker off. - I'm already asleep.

- You fucking pieces of shit. - Kill the light. That a girl.

- Hey, stroke me on the way back over here. - There you go.

Morning, sunshine.

Morning, Keller.

Good morning, Staff Sergeant.

Anybody else awake?

Not that I saw. You want me to wake them up?

No, you get your eye together. Enjoy the morning.

I'll do it.

Wake the fuck up, ladies!

Get your panties from around your goddamn ankles.

It's a beautiful morning.

Time to wage a motherfucking war on terror, God damn it.

Davies, get your dick out your hand, man.

Didn't your mama teach you better than that? God damn.

So I'm sure some of you have already noticed something.

What are we supposed to be here observing?

Anybody? Feel free.

- The road? - That's right.

Now do you see a road, Keller?

No, I don't, Staff Sergeant.

Me fucking neither.

But we goddamn well gonna find it

before I get on the OMNI and tell them that we can't find the fucking road