Day of the Animals

As I said, this is gonna be a survival hike

with limited food and no weapons,

but in case of an emergency,

you do have a food drop.

We're gonna try and make it without it.

If anyone has any second thoughts,

the time to back out is now.

All right, if there's no objections,

the trip starts right now.

So, let's pick up our gear

and kinda hike on over to the big birds.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, Tucker.

What kind of goods are you peddling?

Oowee, you're putting some fat on there, chico.

Yeah.

That ain't good for your heart,

especially up here in this thin air.

Come on now, Steve.

Ever since you been up here, I never seen a group like that.

Young kid, his mother, and the Indian,

and the cripple, for Christ's sake,

what the hell's he doing here?

That's Roy Moore, old buddy, NFL All-Pro.

Now if you'd quit chasing bear around, you'd know that.

Besides, we're only going to Sugar Meadow,

out on the top of the mountain.

It's all downhill for this group.

Yeah, but...

Will you look at that?

I never seen one of them down this low before.

Well Tucker, I'll see you in two weeks.

You just make sure there's a lot of cold beer here

when I get back.

But I'm not joking now.

We've been having all types of accidents up here

the last week or so,

and they just don't seem to stop.

So you take that to your mountain.

Okay.

What'd you say your last name was?

Santee.

Jenson is my name.

I'm in advertising.

Ecology, that's why I'm here.

You know. Get it firsthand, that's where it's all at today.

You know that commercial on TV

with the Indian with the tear in his eye?

Isn't that great?

Indians don't cry, you know.

Come on, Mandy, smile, we're gonna have a good time.

We came on this trip

to try and pull together again, remember?

If you paid more attention to me

and a little less to your law office, Frank,

we wouldn't need this trip.

How you two kids doing?

All right.

Fine.

Hey you don't look like you have much muscle there.

How you gonna fist fight those wild animals?

I'm stronger than you think, Mr. Buckner.

Why don't you two kids get that second chopper?

Which one is it?

- Right over there. - Okay, thanks.

Gonna be a rough trip, Professor.

Doing it for science?

To hell with science, Mr. Buckner.

I gotta get away once in a while.

You travel pretty heavy for a man that wants to get away.

I know. I'm a camera buff, see.

My hobbies are photography and birds.

Figure I'll get my fill of both on this trip.

You first.

Thanks, Kemo Sabe.

Kemo Sabe?

That's funny. Silver bullet.

Hey, Professor.

Why don't you get in that other chopper?

Sure.

Hey, I know where I've seen you before.

Yeah?

You're anchorman of the evening news, right?

That's anchorwoman,

in case you hadn't noticed the difference, Mr. Buckner.

All right, Miss Marsh.

Why don't you ride in the second chopper with me?

Now I got a story that just might interest you.

I'll bet you have,

but you see, I'm on vacation now.

This does remind me of a rodeo I covered once though.

I was up to my ears in bull then too.

There you go.

Bob, this is terrific.

Isn't this great?

Thanks, Professor.

It's gonna be a rough trip.

Are you big and bad enough to handle it?

John, bad? Why, he wrote the book on it.

- Come on, get in. - Mom.

He's gonna be all right, Mrs. Goodwyn.

Hell, I hope so. I ain't too fond of him.

Christ's sake, does it have to be this fast?

Enough already, Jenson?

Gonna have to send you back to Madison Avenue.

Hey, Moore.

Hey, hike one two three football player,

how you like to tackle this?

Mighty pretty lake right over that ridge.

Wanna take a walk over and take a swim?

Do I get an exclusive on that invitation

or shall I broadcast it to the rest of the group?

Forget it.

Already my feet are killing me.

A Danny Boone I'm not.

That's those little beans in there

they're trying to get to.

Yeah, squirrels and chipmunks.

They just love 'em. See them in there, yeah?

Hey y'all quit laughing at my cooking, huh!

They taste good, I think.

Mrs. Goodwyn.

Drink it.

For Christ's sakes, don't bathe in it, ma'am.

Don't bathe in it, he says, like I need this.

You sure you can hold me now?

Yes I'm sure.

Professor.

That's gonna be beautiful.

You see something, Mr. Santee?

What is it, Santee?

I don't know.

There's no sound.

Just old Indian medicine man making jokes.

Like back on the reservation, eh, Kemo Sabe?

My boy!

Get that bird away from my boy!

Get him away!

Bob, I'm scared.

That was weird.

I've never seen anything like it.

Neither have I.

Is that normal,

I mean what just happened?

There's no news story here, miss anchor lady.

Now there's nothing to worry about.

All right, we still have three miles

before we get to the next campsite.

Load up.

Hello, dog.

Don't like to be friendly, huh?

Well.

Get me a size and a beer, will you, hon?

Ordering chili size.

It's a weird day.

Sun will drill right through you and it ain't even hot.

Hey Tucker, think the sun's gonna get through all that?

Let me tell you,

we been catching rainwater in the siv around here

for the past week, ain't we?

Well it ain't over yet.

Thank you, Suzie.

Got a report on a couple bare snake bites.

They came right at them, seven rattlers.

The hands, the way they were bit up.

It's weird, huh?

God sent a plague down on us

because we're just a bunch of no good fellers.

We sure are that, Sam.

The ozone layer is of profound importance

because it protects us from the harmful effects

of the sun's radiation.

Got a pair of queens here?

I wanna listen to this.

I been hearing that ozone crap all day.

The earth's ozone layer was being depleted

by a constant release of various chemical wastes

in the atmosphere.

- A White House bulletin... - Like that Martian attack hoax

we heard on the radio a long time ago, ain't it?

Yeah, I remember.

Maggie hoarded up 12 quarts of garlic dill pickles

under her bed,

just in case they attacked the house.

Sam, nobody's listening, man.

A complete report to the nation

will be released later on this evening.

Although the effect on living organisms is not yet known,

people are being advised

to remain indoors whenever possible,

especially those in high altitude areas

where the sun's rays will be naturally stronger.

Reports from all over the world are flooding in.

We'll bring you further bulletins on this situation

as it continues to develop.

Jesus.

I told you that sun seemed damn peculiar today.

Suzie.

Give me a piece of pineapple pie

and dump some ice cream on it.