The Mindy Project

- There are a few perks to having

your fiancé be on the other side

of the country for a while.

For instance, you can take up the whole bed,

hog all the covers, and wear the flannel pajamas

he calls "boner pesticide."

Best of all, no one tells you what to do,

unless your future mother-in-law

has descended upon your home like a biblical plague.

Oh!

Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.

- All right, all right, all right.

- Hey! - Ah!

When are you gonna be done?

I got a list of questions for you.

I got a list of questions for you.

- God! Can I have some privacy, please?

- What's the big deal? It's nothing I haven't seen.

Actually, I've never seen it like that.

Can you not look at my vagina?

Get out of here!

[Dean Martin's "That's Amore" plays]

Oh, my God.

- Annette, Annette, good morning.

I really appreciate you doing the laundry,

but I was wondering if you could just look at the tags

but I was wondering if you could just look at the tags

because I think some of my clothes have shrunk.

- Are you sure you didn't get bigger?

Well, Leo is all fed and changed,

and I put his gold chain back on again.

It keeps disappearing.

- I don't... That's so weird.

Hey, you want an omelette?

- Okay, sure. Thanks.

Well, I wish I'd known that

before I started making pancakes.

- Oh, a trap. Great.

I'm gonna head into work, and again,

thank you so much for taking care of Leo.

Okay, I'll see you tonight.

I'm making my famous rigatoni.

- What if I brought home sushi tonight?

- What if I brought home sushi tonight?

- Ugh! No wonder your breast milk's

been tasting so funny.

- You've been tasting my breast milk?

- Someone's got to think about Leo.

One day, it tasted like a Long Island Iced Tea.

- Rigatoni it is. See you tonight, Annette.

Bye. Ah!

- Hey, don't bruise the prosciut.

- Hey, Morgan, did you get a chance

to set up those nanny interviews that we talked about?

- "Hi, Morgan, good morning. Has your wound healed?"

- Fine. Hello, Morgan, good morning.

Has your wound healed?

- That's actually a personal question.

What a waste of my time.

Annette is driving me crazy.

This morning, she installed a crucifix in our shower

so that I wouldn't "get any ideas."

- Ahh. Bathing stings my wound.

But listen. I did.

I got you some good candidates right here.

Here you go. - Thank God.

I really need this whole working-mom thing

figured out before Danny gets back.

If he gets back.

If he gets back.

I haven't heard from that guy in weeks.

He's coming back!

And I need to find a nanny so good with Leo

that I can keep working.

Won't that make Annette mad?

She threw out a teddy bear

because she thought it was a rival.

- I think a ten-day cruise to Bermuda for her and Dot

is gonna soften the blow. - Ohh.

Hey, I think I know someone

who'd be a great nanny for little Leo.

- The elderly black woman that raised you?

- Effie? No.

She's with the Angels now. - Sorry.

Anaheim Angels.

Her grandson plays shortstop there,

so he moved her down.

- Wow. - Okay.

What about the nanny for my son?

What about the nanny for my son?

- Oh, she's great. Loves the baby.

Costs next to nothing. She's ethnic.

It's you!

Son of a bitch.

I cannot believe you. You are such a sexist, Jody.

- Nobody raises babies better than kin.

- No. Ken?

She can't have a male nanny, dude.

She'll attack him. - That's not true!

He'd be into me and I'd be like, "Get off."

Oh, please.

And that's why thicker gauze,

while being more expensive by unit,

ends up saving us money... - Saving us money.

- In the long-term. I know this is very exciting.

Whit! - Hi.

Whit! - Hi.

- What are you doing here, my darling?

I wasn't expecting you for another 45 minutes or so.

- Oh, they closed the stock market early.

Greece decided not to be a country.

They're just gonna sell yogurt now.

It's a mess. Anyway, can we go to lunch now?

- Just, um, you know what? Why not?

We can go to lunch. I'm not doing anything important.

- Great. - What?

You made me fly back from Vegas for this.

Come on, Jeremy.

You can't leave your big gauze meeting.

Mm-mm.

- He's right. I can wait.

- Um... ah, we're done talking about gauze, I think.

Colette, could you summarize the manual for the group?

Colette, could you summarize the manual for the group?

- Oh! Ow! - Thank you.

This works so much better for my schedule.

- Not a problem. - Thank you, guys.

Both: Okay. - Bye, Whit!

- Remember to talk about the gauze.

- Jeremy. Jeremy!

What was that? What was that?

He's been planning this gauze meeting for weeks.

He texted me last night at 3:00 a.m. saying,

"Tomorrow's G Day." - Here's the deal, brother.

When you're in love, you do whatever the girl wants.

I have given a first date a kidney

on more than one occasion.

- So no one else has a bad feeling about this woman?

I do.

No comment.

Don't mind me. Whistle, whistle, whistle.

Don't mind me. Whistle, whistle, whistle.

- Tamra, you seem like you know something.

No, I mind my own business.

Do I have information that's exciting

and pertinent to this conversation?

Who's to say? Excuse me.

- Tamra. Tamra!

- Morgan, I'm ready for the nannies!

Hello!

We got our first candidate. - Hi, welcome.

- Thank you so much for considering me for...

- Hey, hey! Gotta do it.

- I don't like that. - Gotta do it.

- Thank you so much for considering me

- Thank you so much for considering me

for your nanny position.

- Whoa. That is a cool accent.

Can you say, "All aboard the Hogwarts Express"?

- I'd rather not. But I think you'll find

I have all the necessary qualifications.

- Wow. 20 years of childcare experience,

you know CPR, and you're bilingual?

Yeah, okay, how about this?

[mocks French language with gibberish]

- I'm so sorry. - So I can start immediately.

- Perfect. - My salary is 20,000...

- Amazing - A month.

- Get the hell out of here. - You scamming scumbag.

- Get the hell out of here. - You scamming scumbag.

I don't understand.

- Who the hell do you think... - Who do you think...

- Come on. Come on right now. - What am I?

Child is like mule.

It must be trained and broken.

- I will raise your child like it was one of my own weasels.

Do you smell weed, Dr. L?

- I do. - Yeah.

I love the way babies smell.

- I just got an AMBER Alert on my phone.

- Get him out of here. - I'm gonna walk you out.

Call 911. Call 911. - Okay.

Dr. L?

I found another girl for you,

and I think you're gonna love her,

and it's gonna feel like

you have known her forever.

You have known her forever.

- Okay, Morgan, you're not just gonna, like, come in here

in a dress and try to "Mrs. Doubtfire" me, are you?

- Uh... no.

I'm not.

Madame Tookery has canceled.

I got another girl for you.

Please? Now is when you come in.

Clar-ah. Claire-ah.

- Hi. - Hi.

You look normal. - I think she looks weird.

- Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?

- Sure. I love children, especially babies.