The Grand Tour

Hello, everybody!

Hello! Hello!

Hello!

Thank you so much.

What a welcome.

Hello. Thank you, everyone.

Welcome to The Grand Tour,

which this week comes to you from the shores of Loch Ness

in Scotland!

Now...

Exactly.

Now, to most people around the world,

Scotland is just a bunch of scenery

and Mel Gibson with some paint on his face.

But actually it's a bit more than that.

What we have here is a list of all the important things

that were invented in America, OK?

This is what the Germans came up with.

Then we've got the English contribution.

And then let's have a look at what France did.

That's it. I'm not making that up.

And the pencil sharpener.

Oh, and the pencil sharpener!

Now let's have a look at the list of things

that were invented by Scottish people.

It's just...!

It's unbelievable! It's everything!

Cordite. Cloning. Colour photography.

Percussion cap.

Golf, lime cordial. I mean, the list goes on and on.

- Buick! - Hang on a minute.

Why is the US Navy on there?

Not joking, that was actually invented by a Scottish person.

- Was it? - So was the BBC, so was the SAS.

All Special Forces, in fact. And I think I know why.

If you are from Mexico or France or Italy,

you wake up in the morning, open the curtains,

it's a lovely day, think, "I'll go to the beach."

In Scotland you open the curtains...

it's damp and cold:

"I'll go to the shed and I'll invent something."

That's what's going on there.

I'm surprised, actually, the English,

don't just say that those are British inventions.

Ah, yes, the Andy Murray syndrome.

Let's be honest, this does happen a lot.

OK. Alexander Graham Bell,

when he was working away

with his Bakelite and his wires in his shed,

he was a Scottish crackpot.

When he invented the telephone,

he was a British genius!

Exactly the same sort of thing happens with sport.

Motor racing, Jackie Stewart.

Three times Formula 1 World Champion.

OK, he's British.

Jim Clark. Two times Formula 1 World Champion.

British. David Coulthard... Scottish.

That's how it works!

- It is, yes. - Maybe we should explain

to people in America what's going on here.

Yeah, exactly. Let me just clear this up for you.

This is how it works on this side of the pond.

This is Britain. This bit is England, where we're from.

This bit's Scotland, where we are now.

This bit's Wales, which is next to where I live.

Exactly. The rules are very simple.

If you're English

and you become brilliant or do something brilliant,

you remain English.

If you're Scottish or Welsh

and you do something brilliant,

the English decide that you are, in fact, British.

The English really are appalling, aren't they?!

They are!

I tell you what, I love being in Scotland

because everyone here speaks their mind.

There's no ambiguity.

The town of Larkhall in Scotland, their welcome sign,

here we go.

This is Scotland.

It's not just words, either, it's actions.

Do you remember that terrorist attack at Glasgow Airport

a couple of years ago?

Somebody tried to explode... bomb didn't go off.

He ran off and he didn't get very far

because this happened.

The Scottish way. That is the Scottish way.

And um...

Interestingly, there have been no terrorist attacks in Scotland since.

Just thinking about that for a second.

When he kicked him, he must have broken his foot

on the other guy's pelvis.

- Yeah. - Which means the guy's plums

were in the middle of the impact.

When that terrorist woke up that morning,

he must've thought, "Right",

"The worst thing that'll happen to me today

is I'm gonna blow up."

It wasn't, though, was it?

Cos the only thing to explode was his knackers.

- Can we get on with the show? - Yes. Good idea.

Because in tonight's car programme...

I urinate on an engine...

Richard wears an anorak...

and James takes drugs.

But first, I want to talk about Fiat.

They're mostly known these days for the 500,

which is a small retro hatchback.

But after an absence of more than a decade,

they are back in the sports car game.

So I went down to the Eboladrome

to check out what they've come up with.

Here it is. And as with the 500,

you can tell straightaway

that Fiat are playing the nostalgia card

because this car is called the 124 Spider,

in honour of their rear-wheel drive roadster from the '70s.

Under the skin, though,

the 124 is based on the thoroughly modern Mazda MX-5.

Fiat supply some important things like the engine

and the body,

but both cars are built

on the same production line in Japan.

On the surface, that is no bad thing.

You're gonna sleep a lot better at night

knowing that your Italian car

was actually put together by the Japanese.

However, it does raise a question.

Is that a sports car in its own right,

or just a Mazda with a different badge on?

Well, before we find out,

let's look a bit more closely at the badge.

Because you'll notice it says Abarth.

Abarth are Fiat's go-to people

when they want to light a fire under one of their cars.

Not light an actual fire, but give what's already there

some extra zest and zing and fire.

For starters, Abarth has tuned the 1.4 litre turbo-charged engine,

so that this, the hottest 124, is faster than any MX-5.

0- 60 takes 6.8 seconds.

And the top speed is 145mph.

But in a car like this that feels like 145 million.

Certainly bundles for me.

And it's not just performance where the 124 has the edge

over its Japanese half-brother.

I have to admit, and this comes from someone

who struggles to find fault with the MX-5,

the 124 does sound better.

Abarth have given it something called the Record Monza exhaust system.

What it does is make a small car produce a big-car noise.

It's like a cat in a lion suit

and that's exactly the sort of panto you want.

What I'm saying here is that this car does its own thing.

It has its own personality. And that's important.

But on the next point, the 124 does take a bit of a body blow.

You see, there's a price to pay for all this Abarth-ness.

And that price is £30,000.

£5,000 more than the top MX-5.

That said, the 124 does give you more under the skin,

most notably in the handling department.

The thing is, Abarth have given this car a limited-slip diff...

which makes sliding something you command.

The MX-5 doesn't have that.

Neither does it have this sport button here,

which relaxes the stability control.

Quite a lot.

So, what we have here is a car that's fast,

sounds good and is great fun in the corners.

But there's something else very important about the 124.

I don't know that there's really a million miles of difference

between this and the MX-5.

But everything I do in this car I'm doing in an Italian sports car.

And it is impossible for that not to put you in a good mood.

It does feel so good to be in a small, Italian roadster again.

It's about time.

Everything about this little Fiat is designed to stir the emotions.

And make you smile like a child.

Right down to the retro black bonnet.

God, I love a black bonnet!

It just... Ooh!

It's just... a black bonnet.

Only cool cars have black bonnets. Fact!

I really like the MX-5.

But the 124 has taken those Japanese foundations

and added some Italian showmanship.

That's why I'd have it over the Mazda.

I don't just like it, I love it.

It's interesting that, because...

...as you know, I'm a sucker for an Italian sports car.

Love 'em to bits especially the Alfa.

However, I've driven an ordinary, cooking Fiat 124

and that is not as good as an MX-5, not even close.

That's true. You'd be better off with the MX-5.

Unless you want the fastest MX-5,

in which case buy the Abarth.

- Quite. - Have we just done consumer advice?

A little bit. A little bit. Moving on quickly.

Yes, we will, move it on. And we'll find out

how fast the Abarth goes round the Eboladrome.