Baby Daddy

I can't believe this day is finally here.

We are walking down the aisle

in less than 24 hours.

Which gives you less than 23 hours to remember

you're not the bride.

I know,

but Katie picked me to be her maid of honor for a reason.

I figured it was because she didn't have any other friends.

No.

Well, not a lot,

but she knew I would get the job done.

Okay.

And you are doing such an awesome job

shoving hundreds of almonds into little girly bags.

Oh, wait. These are my hands.

Hey, I love a wedding, okay.

There's just something so emotional.

Oh.

When the ladies start throwing themselves at me.

Hey, hey. If history is any indication,

they will be lining up for a second helping

from the Tucker buffet.

You know what I'm saying? Okay.

Huh?

What do you think?

Riley: Danny?

What are you doing?

Breaking it in.

Still kind of smells like the last guy who wore it.

Danny, no.

I told you to get something classy.

Don't worry. I'm gonna wear a shirt.

It's even got ruffles.

Hey, maidzilla.

We're all doing the best that we can here, okay?

All right, done.

Thank you.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Okay, actually that was my best.

One other quick thing while you have a moment,

is there any way you can put me and Gene at the same table?

Gene?

Pig in the girls' locker room Gene?

Chili powder in my jock strap Gene?

Barf in my begonias Gene?

Yeah. That Gene.

No, no way. He was not invited.

I know. I thought that was weird, too.

So he's my plus one.

I thought I was your plus one?

You can be Danny's plus one.

Why does he have to be mine?

I was gonna get the beef and the chicken.

All right, listen. No one is getting a plus one.

Oh, well then I am done tying these little pink bows.

I will come up with something a little more threatening

in a moment.

You can come.

But Gene cannot.

Ben, this is supposed to be a dignified and classy affair.

- All right, there. - Ow!

Bride down, people.

Bride down.

And it will be classy.

Gene's changed a lot since high school.

We all have.

Give him a chance, please?

Ugh. Fine.

But I am warning you, if that guy even--

Hello? Hi, this is Riley.

What?

No, you can't!

But the wedding is tomorrow.

Oh my God, it's the caterer.

They're canceling.

Uh, listen.

I am practically a lawyer,

and if you are not there tomorrow

with 500 salmon croquettes, I will sue--

What? Sue me?

Gene.

Both: Gotcha!

All: God, I hate that guy.

I still can't believe you invited Gene to the wedding.

What were you thinking?

I was thinking it would be fun

to invite somebody who was actually...

Fun.

Just please tell me you have everything all set up

for tonight's rehearsal dinner?

We're good. I just need to get some ice.

And some liquor.

And maybe some cups.

Ben, ugh. What is your problem?

I don't know, I'm sorry.

It just feels like they're rushing into it.

They've been dating since they were 11.

Doesn't that freak you out a little?

We're the same age.

Oh, well, we all know how traditional you are.

Hey, how's your baby?

So, Riley.

Too bad you waited until after high school

to get hot.

Otherwise, it would have been you and me

instead of you and my boy Ben here.

Oh, me and Riley?

No, no, no, no. We're just friends.

Yeah, me and Ben together?

That would be crazy.

Oh, so you're available?

And once again, I've shown up to the party

just in time.

And once again, you are not invited.

So, Wheeler...

What's our back-story for the ladies tonight?

We Wall Street moguls or brain surgeons?

What about this--

I'm a brain surgeon,

and you're a Wall Street mogul

whose life I just saved.

Thank you, doctor.

I'm eternally grateful.

Can you believe it?

Aah! I am actually getting married.

I know.

But if I could just get a few minutes

of your undivided attention

to go over some of these last minute details--

- I am all yours. - Great.

- So, first off, we have-- - ( Cell phone vibrates )

It's from Dave!

He misses me. Smiley face, smiley face, heart.

Aww. That's adorable, Katie.

But he's right there.

Getting his coffee.

Isn't he just the sweetest?

Oh, I just love him.

Yeah. Don't we all.

So, anyway, as I was saying--

Did you know that today is our 4,643rd day as a couple?

We've never been apart.

Yeah. I remember some very awkward slumber parties.

Every time I think about the day we met,

I just get goosebumps all over again.

Oh, look!

We're just never gonna get through this, are we?

And now, the most important part of a wedding,

the video.

Which Katie asked me to do, so suck it, Riley.

Hi, Katie.

Hey, Mom. Come on, I thought you wanted to get us

carrying the cake in.

Yeah, and make sure you get my good side.

Well, actually that should be easy

because, you know, both of my sides are good.

Where is the focus on this thing?

You know, I haven't used this camera

since your father and I tried to make a sex tape.

Mom! Where are we going with this?

Well, we were just trying to spice things up a little.

No, Mom. The cake.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. All right.

All right, I will guide you in,

- all right? - Watch the end.

- All right. - Watch the ottoman.

Just another couple of feet.

Almost there, we got this.

- My biceps are gonna look great. - All right, here we go.

Oh, this looks so great.

Bonnie: One, two...

- You're good. - Okay.

Oh!

The depth perception in this thing

is horrible.

What a warm and loving tribute to your granddaughter.

She will be so touched.

Probably more touched if I'd touched the on button.

Hey, Tucker.

So, it looks like these two crazy kids

are really gonna do it, huh?

You know, it just makes me feel all...

Vulnerable.

I'm the bride.

Oh.

So I'm probably wasting my time here?

Mm-hmm.

There's not a bridesmaids holding area, is there?

You look cute.

Hey, Danny.

I just came to check on--

where's the cake?

The cake.

It's in the walk-in fridge down at the bar.

Wow. That was a really good idea.

Actually, that would have been a really good idea.

What is this doing here?

Oh, Emma wanted to play with it.

Argh.

Aww.