Somebody Feed Phil

My favorite quote from baseball legend Yogi Berra

is "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded."

That's what smart sophisticated world travelers would probably say about Venice.

Why go? There's so many tourists.

It's overrun.

Why would you go to such a touristy place?

'Cause it looks like this.

You know who we can thank for this city,

Attila the Hun.

Mainland refugees fleeing his invasion

hid out on islands in the local lagoon.

They decided to stay and created this dazzling place.

Venice is like a movie that's been art directed.

Every single place you look is another stunning visual.

And I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person to notice this.

Some places are touristy for a reason!

Because people like it!

Sorry for the yelling.

I'm starting my trip with one of the most Venetian things you can do.

A cicchetti crawl.

What are cicchetti you ask?

Little bites of food on bread, like tapas.

My guide is my good friend Laura Sousounis.

She's American, but she decided to pack up and move to Venice.

Can you blame her?

So the first place, look at this place. It's called Schiavi.

And it's run by the beautiful Alessandra.

She's been making the cicchetti here

from her own recipes for 60 years.

- Want a plate? - Yes.

Alessandra asks what you want.

Everything.

Do you want some wine?

These were meant, like tapas, to go with wine.

So you have a little wine in the middle of the day.

Doo.

- What should be first? - Primo il baccalà.

It's just olive oil and cod. Mm.

It's so fresh and delicious.

What's this? This looks like a piece of fish.

-What's left for me, Phil? -Nothing.

Mm.

-Yeah. -Genius.

I developed a good system though.

If you're gonna taste them all, right,

you just pop them and leave the bread.

Mm. Mm.

I wanted what was on top of the bread, so I was just...

-This is the big ticket. -Here we go. This is it.

Hear this:

Tuna with cacao.

Yes, cocoa powder on tuna sounds disgusting, no?

No!

-Isn't that nice? Tuna, cacao. -Wow!

Who would have thunk it?

-Wow! -

-Wow! -

-Grazie. -Wonderful.

Our next stop requires a boat trip.

-Your chariot. Look. -Thank you, Phil.

And because of all the wine I've had, maybe some Dramamine.

- Doh. Uh. -

Never ever get tired of this. Ever.

-And you live here! -I live here.

I think Venice is meant to be seen from the water looking up.

Look, here's the Rialto Bridge.

Hey!

-There's the bus. Hello, bus. -That's the bus!

This is our transport.

What I love about this place is you can't speed.

You can go only as fast as your feet take you or that boat...

-which isn't fair. -The bus is the fastest thing?

Here we go.

So--

I thought we'd take a little break between eating...

and then go try on a few masks.

Masks have been a thing in Venice for centuries,

worn during the city's famous Carnevale

or anytime someone, usually a noble,

was looking for a little anonymity.

Sergio's shop is here.

He and his brother and his son and his family make masks.

Yeah.

This mask is the most traditional Venetian mask.

Amadeus.

So?

Where's my opera? Did you finish my opera yet?

Don't eat, don't sleep, just finish the opera.

- Phil? -Yes.

Ready to go eat?

You need to finish my opera.

Next up, All'Arco! Another great cicchetti place.

This is like gourmet with artisanal ingredients,

beautifully sourced meats and cheeses.

-This is Mateo. -Mateo.

-This is Phil! -My pleasure.

Francesco's son.

-These are the owners. - Nice!

You never know what he'll concoct. Always different.

-And he's a genius at this. -I love geniuses.

-Broke genius. -

And I met the biggest celebrity in Venice...

- Nani the Wonder Dog. - He's famous.

Everyone knows Nani.

Nani!

- The camera loves Nani. - Nani.

And Nani will start barking if you're not petting and scratching his neck enough.

I should try that.

He goes-- There he goes. And he'll-- See?

Everyone knows him.

He's a true Venetian dog.

Is a mix. We have codfish,

speck is smoked ham or salami.

This is the salmon.

Which one do I want? I think I'm gonna have a bite of this.

Perfect.

Where's my friend Eugenio?

-Eugenio works on the crew. -Buongiorno.

-You said this is your favorite place? -Yes.

Take this chair. Sit next to Laura.

You have to know Laura because Laura lives very close by.

-We're friends now. -Now you can be friends.

As if these cicchetti weren't enough,

out come these beautiful sandwiches, tramezzini.

I'm grabbing grilled cheese with salami and eggplant before anyone notices.

Wow, do I love these. Wow, are they great.

Good?

Thank you.

Wow.

It's lovely here. You run into the fishermen.

All the shopkeepers.

-Run into judges with the courthouse. -Let me be honest with you.

I don't care if I didn't run into anybody, as long as I ran into this sandwich.

I got one for you.

This is the perfect Venice afternoon, isn't it?

Let's go apartment hunting.

How many bathrooms you got up there?

But before I make those nice people an offer,

one more stop for some of the city's oldest kind of street food.

- Calamari and shrimps. - Yeah.

There you go.

So we're having the classic working man's lunch here.

I don't feel I've earned it.

-Not terrible. -Not terrible. Not terrible at all.

It's a good place to end.

-Hopefully not everything. -Yeah, everything.

-Actually, it wouldn't be bad. -No, if you were gonna pick a...

-You'd just walk right-- -What would your last view be?

-It would be Venice. It would be Venice. -Not terrible.

But don't worry about me. I'm not ending it all yet.

I haven't had dessert.

Off one of the tiny alleys, there's a lady.

She's got a little-- It's a like a closet.

It's called Boutique del Gelato.

- Buongiorno. -Buongiorno.

Buongiorno a lei.

-I'm Phil. How are you? -

I'm fine, thanks. And you?

Tell me your name.

Alessandra.

This lady, she's there all day, all night.

She makes the gelato. She sells the gelato.

She's not giving you a taste, so don't ask.

I need some of your chocolate.

Yeah.

I want to try your stracciatella,

and then what's the best fruit? The--

Do you want the blackberry or the passion fruit?

Let's try blackberry.

Blackberry.

Blackberry.

Stracciatella.

Yeah, I like it.

And the chocolate.

That sounds perfect, doesn't it?

That sounds like the perfect combination.

Okay, here we go.

-I'm tasting your chocolate first. - Taste it.

Yeah. Taste the first.

Do you like it?

I really like it. You know why I like it?

It's very light.

Taste the passion fruit.

Passion fruit! I get a taste? You're giving a taste?

Yeah.

-What if people see this? -Because you are-- Just for this.

- I know you-- -Are you happy to meet me?

I'm in love.

I'm in love. I don't go home to my wife now.

She can't make ice cream.

You know, I tell people who make things like this...

that you're in the happiness business.

All you do is make people happy.

These guys have to help. I can't do it alone.

-Look, James is game. -Mm. Mm.