Portlandia

All right, thanks for comin'.

I sold everything but these cucumbers.

- Now what am I gonna do? - We can pickle that!

Hi. I'm Bryce Shivers.

And I'm Lisa Everson.

- And we can pickle that. -

Oh, my God.

These chickens are laying so many eggs, I'm freaking out.

- We can pickle that! - We did it. Pickled eggs.

Pickles always cost a nickel.

- - We can pickle that.

- We can pickle anything. - Everything should be pickled.

Guys! We can pickle that!

Hah! I knew we could pickle that!

- Oh, like this, you mean? - It was tricky, but we did it.

Pickle juice tastes like garbage. It sucks.

As you can see, we're in a disaster.

Sales are down. Inventory's up.

Got 18,000 empty jewel cases.

What the hell are we gonna do?

We-We could pickle that.

Gotcha.

We could pickle that!

Oh, we'll be pickling that.

We can pickle that.

- - It's hard work.

- Anything? - Nothing.

- Nothing I'm doing is working. - I know.

I'm sorry, honey. It's not you. It's... It's...

I think we're biking too much.

- Yeah, right. We could bike less. - And, you know,

you don't have to watch your laptop on your lap.

It just gets so hot.

There's got to be something else we can do.

Yeah.

Hey.

- Hi, guys. - Hi.

Is there a bathroom we can use?

- Where's your drink? - He's gonna make something special.

- Oh, yeah? - I couldn't decide what to order,

- and he said, "I'll make you something." - Wow.

He's a mixologist.

- He's really getting into it. - They're like chemists.

By the way, I think I know that guy.

- Oh, really? - Yeah. He looks like,

and I think it is, this guy I went to camp with.

- Wow. - He's cute now.

It's a lot of ingredients. I didn't know that could go into a drink.

As he goes he's like, "That doesn't work. This does work.

That doesn't work. This does work."

He's looking at you, by the way.

I don't know. I...

I will admit openly that's straight-up cool.

- There you are. - Thank you.

That is a ginger-based bourbon drink

- infused with honey, lemon and chard ice. - Wow.

Then building off of that base, we've got cherry tomato, lime zest.

I actually made the bitters myself at home.

Wow.

We've got egg whites, eggshell, egg yellows.

- Rotten bananas. - It adds to, like, the flavor of it?

Secret of the pros, yeah.

Also, we're just trying to get rid of it, so...

The final ingredient-- a little bit of love.

- Oh. - Thank you.

How are you, man?

- Good. How's it goin'? - Working here's good?

- It's the best, yeah. - Mm. This is delicious.

Oh, you've, uh, got a little something.

- Sorry. Get that for you. - Thank you.

- How much is it? How much is the drink? - Play it cool.

- Oh, it's on the house. - Thank you very much.

Seriously, yeah, enjoy, and great talking to you guys. Have a great night.

- All right, see you, man. - Take care.

By the way, this is, like, the best drink I've ever had.

- Right'? ' Oh, my God!

- He loves you. - Do you think?

- Carrie... - You have some on your chin.

- I love this drink. - She likes it.

Now I just have a beer.

She got a fancy drink, and I got a beer.

You've got to keep the game going. You have to return the serve.

Like, he put this to you, you have to answer immediately.

That momentum has to stay.

He mixed you a drink; now you mix him a tape.

- Wow. That's a good strategy. - You're good at that.

- Like, he'll like that. - I love making mix tapes.

I can make him a theme tape about, like, drinks.

We can pickle that!

We don't need to put the life jackets on.

Once you're 10 feet from the water, you need a life jacket?

- Let's just wait till we're closer. - Okay. Did we bring enough stuff?

No, but that's what nature's about.

- We leave all our stuff behind. - I wish we had the camera.

- I know, I know. - You know, what is the point?

- We'll bring one back next time. - What is the point?

I'm telling you, we should have brought that camera!

Let's practice a couple safety things really quick.

If any of is unable to speak and goes down, what's the signal?

- A-O, river! - That's great.

You see the grip? It's a loose grip.

Okay.

- All right, so it slides up and down. - Okay.

Right hand grabs this. For safety,

- pull back, and you're here. - Okay.

You have to try to grab the rope.

- Hon, I'm ready to go. - All right.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Dave, Dave!

Hey. I'm sorry.

- This is our area right here. - What are you guys doing?

- Sorry. Uh... - Guys,

we talked to the park ranger, and we have this time scheduled.

- I'm sorry. Is that a beer? - Thanks a lot!

Uh, sir? Dave, he has a keg. Is that keg?

Do you have a license for that?

What's your blood-alcohol level right now?

- Dave... - Thumbs up? For what?

You couldn't listen, could you?

Please hold back! Aah! Dave!

- Hold on a second. That was funny? - Dave!

Kath! Kath!

- A-O, river! - Kath!

What did we decide for A-O, river?

A-O, river!

Are you safe or not safe?

- What did we decide? - A-O, river!

Kath! Wait!

Dear Kath,

we never decided, at {east I think,

what "A-O, river" means.

Forgive me, but, you know,

you've forgiven me before

for not getting it right.

At least we had a good time.

This was really life-changing.

- A-O, river! - I'm writing a note!

Hopefully I'll see you in the near future.

Yours,

Dave King River.

Ha ha. You know what I mean.

Grab the bottle!

Hey, Dave.

Oh.

What are you doin'?

I just sent you a note.

- Can you guys grab that bottle? - A-O, river!

Hi. Excuse us.

We're looking for that bartender that was here last night.

- Cute, floppy hair? - Yeah, he had a tie on.

- That's Andy. - I made him something.

- Is he gonna be here again tonight? - Sorry, no.

He left last night. Moved to So-Cal.

- He moved? - To So-Cal?

Yeah, he got a job at the Windjammer right on the beach.

- Who moves out of Portland? - Yeah, why?

Fred, I'm bummed. Like, last night

was the first time in so long I felt a connection with someone.

Do you know what we should do? We should go find him.

You need to give him that tape.

If it means that much to you, we should go to So-Cal.

- Okay, let's go. - All right.

Taxi!

All right.

- We're going to So-Cal. - Get on the 5 and go south 1,000 miles.

- Aah! -

- My eyes! - Ah, my lily-white skin!

- What is that? - It's the sun!

Why isn't it covered by clouds?

I have an idea.

- Much better. - This is great.

I was thinking we should just walk to Windjammerz, right?

Yeah. How far can it be?

Can't... go... on.

- -

- Need...food. - Water.

I see a restaurant right there!

Oh, it's air-conditioned.

Okay.

- My blood sugar is so low. - I know.

I'll have anything. I just want a hamburger, fries.

- Hey, guys. My name's Johnny. - Hi, Johnny.

Welcome to Around the World in 80 Plates.

- Have you guys eaten with us before? - No.

Oh, you haven't? All right, well, let me walk you through the menu.

We do things a little different here-- a little quirky, a little fun.

I think we're just hungry. I'm just gonna do a cheeseburger and fries.

This place really is a culinary voyage across the 7 Seas of Flavor.

Our menu is divided into 7 different cuisines.

And we do have specials in each of those sections that are not listed on the menu.

For instance, Craig's crazy guac tacs, which go great with cervezas.

- I'm just gonna do a cheeseburger and... - We don't have cheeseburgers.

- We do have slam burgers. - Yeah, yeah.

Would you like your slam burger in a traditional sesame bun,

in a taco, on French toast, or rolled up in a naan,

which is this traditional Indian flatbread?

No, I'll skip that. I'll have a sesame bun.

And I'll do the, um, torpedo slam burger.

Torpedo slam burger as a taco. Good choice.

And to drink, I'm going to have an iced tea.

No, we don't have iced tea.