Shifty

Excuse me!

# The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling

# For you but not for me

# O death, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling

# A grave thy victory

# If you meet the undertaker

# Or the young man from the Pru

# Get a pint with what's left over

# And I'll say goodbye to you

# The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling

# For you, but not for me

# O death, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling

# A grave thy victory

# I love my dear Redeemer

# My creator too as well

# And all that filthy devil

# Should be kept below in hell

# The bells of hell... #

Not anywhere until I know where you're going, all right?

Hold it. Hold it.

Not going to repeat myself anyway. All right, you're going to wait.

You're going to wait. All right, I'm telling you, you're going to wait.

There will be foxgloves, wax foxgloves and bluebells.

A bramble thicket with wax leaves.

And so forth. Now this is one, one's scratching itself, you see.

And, this hole here, I'll just get inside and...

..there's a badger sett here with a hole.

There's two tunnels.

There's a tunnel going down that way.

The tunnel going down this way.

This tunnel actually goes down into the nesting chamber.

So in fact, it shows above the ground and below the ground.

I want it to be as perfect, perfect as possible.

I'm trying to, um, to create this natural habitat group

showing badgers outside the sett, doing interesting things.

I'm trying to bring nature closer to the public.

P-R-U-D-L-E.

And it talks on the phone.

The world's top talking parrot.

Is Prudle a girl parrot's name?

It's a boy parrot. Oh, I see.

No. That stands... That stands alone.

CROWD CHEERING

Well... Well, we'll send one of our best parrot photographers, Betty.

How's that?

Well, I suppose you can always challenge,

uh, somebody's parrot as to whether it's the best

telephone talker or not.

Anyway, it's a good talking point, as you say.

Open the door, Mum.

I've done it.

It's a boon. You can see who's coming up

into your grounds, you know.

And I think it will stop a lot of vandalism, too.

I think you feel safer, really.

We are locked in, that's true, but...

It's not... I don't think it's as bad as before the doors were put on.

We had squatters coming in and taking over down below,

you know, making a filthy mess of it.

It's not... It's not for pleasure.

I mean, I wouldn't sit and watch that all day long.

I mean, there's the other programmes on.

I think it represents a whole trend to use technology

in a way which threatens the citizen's right to privacy,

the right to lead his own life without people spying

through his window with a cinecamera.

But then there is an argument that the film can't lie.

Well, the film can lie very easily.

The insurance company or the investigator can edit the film.

Supposing somebody has a bad limp which occurs on wet days,

or it's a nervous spasm, which comes some days and not others.

The film comes in court, the film has shown

only the good days when there's no limp.

Bedtime for you.

All right.

All right. Come on, now.

Night-night.

Is this really a child's bedroom? Yeah.

This is Peter's bedroom, this.

I mean, there can't be a child in England who sleeps in a room

so cold and so miserable as this,

if you don't mind me saying so.

Well, all bedrooms are the same, though.

My front bedroom, the one that I sleeps in,

is the worst one of them all.

Could you show me that room? Yes, certainly. Would you mind?

This is this bedroom. It's been decorated.

It's ready for the council to come up and have a look.

With all the dampness that's coming all the way through the paint again,

because I just told them that I'm not going to waste my money on it.

Well, this is actually a ferret,

and to get over this point that there's a connection

between ferret and man, I mounted this ferret showing the hand.

And of course, it's even got a watch on, look. A gold-plated watch.

I've got this habit, a nasty habit of stroking these animals.

But, yes, it's very, very good... You call it a nasty habit.

I mean... I suppose... Well, don't know.

When I pick up a stuffed animal, I always touch it and feel it.

I can't help it.

All right. Thank you. Bye.

Men off the streets! Men off the streets!

Men off the streets! Men off the streets!

Men off the streets!

Curfew for men, not women!

Curfew for men, not women!

Get men off the streets!

Get the men off the streets!

Everybody!

# Young guns having some fun

# Crazy ladies, keep 'em on the run

# Wise guys realise

# There's danger in emotional ties

# See me, single and free

# No fears, no tears, what I want to be

# One, two, take a look at you

# Death by matrimony. #

SCREAMING

It's amazing. It's amazing to get a reaction like that.

Yeah, it's fantastic. I mean, we're starting to get used to it.

We're starting to expect it, really. But it's, I mean, it's fantastic.

It still doesn't make any sense, really.

Keep getting bombarded with, you know, bangles.

We got bombarded... Did you get the garter?

Red-and-black garter.

It was a pair of knickers the other night.

Did you see them?

But it's great. I mean, I love it.

Would you rather be doing anything else right now?

No, not right now. Obviously, it's Saturday night.

No, down the Palace or something? Not really.

SCREAMING

Scene two.

Various people high in the

government and the royal household

became very worried indeed about

the possibility of the news getting out,

that the heir presumptive to the throne of England

had married and had a child,

and that the child had been born of a Catholic mother.

You have to remember, it was a time when the possibility of revolution

was thought to be a very real one,

and that the problems and violence surrounding Ireland

were at their height.

It was decided that Mary Jane Kelly would have to be silenced.

She was killed as the last of five women in a way

that made it look like the random work of a madman.

The child, however, survived.

She was protected by Walter Sickert and had two sons by him.

The first one was Charles, who disappeared at the age of two.

And I am the other son.

Disco 82 by Lata Mangeshkar and Kishore Kumar

The name of the shop is Le'Pel,

and we was in Italy one day, me and my brother,

and we were sitting over

a table having a glass of wine, trying to think of a name.

So we just thought of lapel, of a jacket, the collar of a jacket.

So we just called it "lapel" but made it look a bit foreign.

We stuck Manuel Ritz, Pipo, Cerruti shirts,

Reporter jumpers, Adolfo jumpers.

Chagall, the famous painter.

Uh... How much are they?

Well, the Chagall shirts are going for 39.95,

Reporter jumpers £95.

Cerruti shirts are £40.

People don't really like personal service.

They just like to be left alone, and if they need any help,

they ask us rather than us jumping on them

when they come into the shop.

Majority of them are locals and, like, we get a lot of people

coming in from Kent or north London.

We get a lot of villains in, uh...

How do you know they're villains?

Well, you know, we know them,

but you don't ask where they get their money from, so...

Can you sort of spot a villain?

Probably can, yeah. Well, I can. I don't know about you.

PROTESTERS CHANT

Not a crime!

Black and white! Not a crime!

We're going to stick together and we're going to go out there,

and we're going to show them that we're not scared.

They think they can pick on an Asian, right, and get away with it.

But now we're going to show them that this is not true, right?

Why should the immigrants come over here, black or white?

Quite a lot of them have been here longer

than you've been alive, though.

Yeah, but why should they come over in the first place?

This is England. This is our country.

No-one else's. Why should they come over here?

They come... They go to the dole. They get hand-outs.

When we white people are on the dole, they get about 20 quid.

What you can do with that? And Maggie Thatcher,

can't do that, can you? So, have you attacked black people?

Yeah. What have you done?

Kicked 'em in.

With my boot and a knife.

Only men?

Yeah. Don't kick women.

Oh, I'll just gob on them.

Sometimes, I'll go out and doof!