Suburgatory

Change is a part of life.

It's inevitable.

The trees don't apologize when they change,

so why should I?

I'm not sure I've ever known the calm I feel

when lying in a pile of crisp fall leaves.

It's as though...

Something crawled down my throat.

Ugh. Something leggy.

Let's go inside, Lisa.

I don't have any more clarity now

than I did before whatever that was crawled down your throat.

I just...

don't know how George is gonna feel about this.

Tessa, you've spent 16 consecutive thanksgivings

tethered to that man's teat.

Just this once your mother, who you've never met,

- is flying in from Berlin... - Exactly.

And it's really important to my grandmother.

It's too bad we didn't have more of a heads-up.

Could have made a great human interest piece.

I could have reached out to Connie Chung, Hugh Downs...

God. I wish Donahue was still in the game.

Phil would have handled this right.

Oh, so I was thinking...

we do all our Thanksgiving traditions the day before.

We drive into the city, see the floats, all that jazz,

then day of, we hit the Royces'.

Cool.

It's gonna be smaller this year. Just our two families.

That's fine, George. Whatever you wanna do...

because I might not be here.

And no costumes this time. I made Dallas promise.

What... sorry?

Did you just say you might not be here?

Where might you be?

So... it's like this, okay?

Uh, my mother, as it turns out,

is flying into New York on Thursday

to be with my grandmother for the holidays.

And... they were wondering

if... I might now be at an age...

where I'm interested in... joining them.

I see, and are you...

at an age where you might be interested in joining them?

I am.

Well, that's fantastic.

That's great.

Hey, I... you know... you know... you know...

you don't have to act like you gotta break it to me gently,

or it's something I don't wanna hear.

I'm all for it.

You know, I... I think it's great

that Alex is finally making an effort.

Burn.

What's that?

- I said "burn." - Burn?

Yeah, it's like you can't resist going after Alex.

"Finally making an effort"?

That's an impartial fact.

Unless there were some prior overtures

that I wasn't privy to.

Why are you talking like you're on trial for witchcraft?

O... okay, but for the record, in the city of Salem,

I'm not the one that would be on trial!

That was a burn.

2x05 The Wishbone

This year's Thanksgiving is gonna have a Caribbean theme,

so I'm gonna need you to use the word "mon" a lot.

For instance,

"sorry me mashed potatoes be so clumpy, mon."

"Clumpy, mon."

I also don't need to remind you

that I'm severely allergic to anything nasty.

So all the food you cook should be good-tasting

or not nasty when at all possible.

"Not nasty."

All right. Is there anything else before I start shopping?

Alan, you're fired!

Mommy, he didn't mess up yet.

This isn't performance-related, it's George Altman-related.

Boo got bad news.

Tessa isn't gonna be here for Thanksgiving.

You said bad news.

George is thinking about skipping the holiday altogether.

We need to rally around him, Dalia.

Start our own tradition.

Of firing loyal employees?

Alan, hush!

We're gonna keep George occupied

by cooking our own Thanksgiving meal together.

Well, I guess I'll stop streaming

"Cool Runnings" to my phone...

even though it's already halfway downloaded.

There.

How are those veggies coming, Denzel?

- I'm grating cheese, actually, but... - Almost done, Mrs. Shay.

Yeah, you can handle whatever I throw at ya.

Hey, how 'bout some tunes?

Yeah.

[ "Groove is in the Heart" by Deee-Lite plays ]

Whoo!

Whoo!

Hey, some people are trying to shuck here.

This is like "The Big Chill."

Just stop.

Malik, I am just gonna come right out and ask you.

Will you share Thanksgiving dinner with our family?

- Mother. - Well, look at his pile!

He's the T.I. of green beans!

No, she's right. He is.

He's earned it. He's earned a place at our table.

Well, I am sure that Malik would love to join us.

But sadly, he'll be eating dinner with his own family.

Actually, my family eats really early,

so I could probably make it to both dinners.

Well, that's fantastic, Malik.

Then it's settled.

Guess who's coming to dinner, Lisa?!

Alex better not foul this up,

- you know? - I couldn't agree more.

Her pass rush killed Tebow last year.

- Alex's did? - Wha... yep.

- You're not listening to me, are you? - I'm... see, in my...

What I meant to say was... Alex. Okay.

In my mind, Alex is Michael Vick.

What?

She screwed up.

Things got ugly. Dogs died.

No one's saying they didn't.

But... he was given a second chance,

and he proved himself.

In fact, he went on to have his best year ever.

So if you open the door for Alex, you know...

Who knows?

Alex is Michael Vick?

Alex is Michael Vick.

No wonder things didn't work out between us.

Happy Thanksgiving!

- George! - Oh, hey, baby.

- Hi! - Hi.

Mmm.

Noah.

Gobble gobble, Dallas!

Oh, yes, absolutely. Gobble gobble to you and yours.

Is she here?

Who, Jill? My better half?

No, she's still away on her book tour.

I meant Carmen,

my better half and former housekeeper that you stole.

Oh, Carmen. Right.

No, she took the baby to see a witch doctor in Yonkers.

She's convinced he's possessed.

Me, I don't see it.

And Jenna?

Oh, she went home with a brown friend.

A friend from Brown.

Some Chinese kid.

Wow. So we have you all to ourselves.

Lucky, lucky us.

All right, guys. Uh, hey,

- thank you for being here. - It means a lot.

Ready to start cooking?

Mommy, here's the wardrobe.

Dalia!

This is a little risque for Thanksgiving, isn't it?

Look! They're all backless.

Uh-oh. Naughty.

As I rode the elevator up to the ninth floor...

of my grandmother's apartment building,

I thought about it...

the girl who'd never met her mother

was about to be no more.

It was weird.

Not knowing her was part of my identity, almost.

And now all of that was about to change.

She's coming. I... I swear she's coming.

I'm just having a hard time getting a hold of her.

Wishbone. I call the wishbone, dad.

- You're not listening to me, mother. - Wishbone, you guys.

Wishbone. I called it.

I don't understand what the problem is.

Malik and I are completely Kool & The Gang.

That is the problem,

is that you're trying too hard to be... down.

You know, most girls want their mothers

to like their boyfriends.

When we went out for pizza last week,

you told him that he was the Keenen Ivory Wayans

of opening car doors.

And I completely stand by that! He is!

When your father opens a car door,

his butt be all tight...

No, she's right.

That's how I do it, like my father before me.

That must be Malik.

Well, Lisa, answer the door.

Don't tell me what to do.

I'll get it.

Thank you.