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Dammit!

Come on.

Oh, Elroy!

Elroy, hey.

- Computer no worky. - Please don't do that.

- Computer no worky. - Did you forget your password again?

Pelton, I can't keep track of all the parakeets you had growing up.

This is different.

No matter what I do, I get the same error.

Which one?

You have been owned by Elite Fleet 69.

Our hacks are all up in your systems.

I'm not bothering to pronounce them, but there are a lot of z's being used.

Oh, crap.

What?

Is there another Mask movie coming out?

- The school's been hacked. - What?

- How can we stop it? - It's too late, it's happened.

No parlo hablo too late at Greendale Elroy. There's always something that can be done.

You know I, I wasn't gonna say anything but.

You could cut the hardline at the mainframe.

Hardline. Mainframe.

To the mainframe! To the mainframe!

Cut the hardline.

- You were being sarcastic? - Yeah, but you should look at this.

Cancel your offensive performance.

You know the one we mean.

We have all your information.

If you do not cancel this hateful comedy show, you will taste our power in this way.

- There's a link. - Don't click it.

Oh, what, the green skull will give me a virus?

My God.

It's the lunch lady's emails.

It's all the lunch lady's emails.

Which lunch lady?

The hot one?

You mean the one who serves the hot food?

Mmm, that's the one.

Please tell me you guys aren't sitting there reading the lunch lady's

leaked e-mails.

No one here could ever do that, not even in shifts, it's decades of data.

I'm reading the Greendale Gazette's highlights of the lunch lady's e-mails.

I found a torrent of all the highlights if you don't want to wait for

the ads to load.

Abed, that's stealing.

Those ads are there so

the Gazette can pay people to go through the lunch lady's email.

Not to get too liberal, but once they're online,

does anyone really own the lunch lady's emails?

That's why the future of the internet is branded content.

lady's most embarrassing secrets.

Ooh.

You guys are violating her privacy.

I'm pretty sure the media's doing that, Britta.

We're just reading the news.

The police are here, about our computers being hacked.

Hi, guys.

I see a few familiar faces here.

A few new ones, as well.

No, just gonna keep the cop you've known for five years at arms length?

I get it.

What have you boys been able to figure out?

Don't call us boys.

And it's a unique case,

because it's hard to decide what laws are being broken.

Unless you count the lunch lady's sex life.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

Anyway, our city does have a cyber-crime division, but it's well,

it's pretty new.

Any leads?

Officer Warburton.

I want McDonald's.

Wants.

McDonald's.

Some of you probably can't see from where you're sitting.

It's literally a child in an adult sized police uniform.

It's cute, but it doesn't help our situation.

So what do we make of the demands?

Well we were able to find out a little more.

This message was posted online and signed, The Hackers.

And we assume it's legit because well, that's just where we're at.

Greendale, cancel the performance of the terrorist comedian

Gupta Gupti Gupta, who seeks to spread hatred with his hateful comedy.

You guys booked Gupta Gupti Gupta?

$700.

Oh my God, Dean, he's renowned for his racist act.

How can he be racist?

Listen to his name.

Well, the message says if you don't cancel his performance, what happened

to the lunch lady's gonna happen to everyone on the activities committee.

Ha.

We don't have a...

Oh, God, that's us.

Ha!

So, what do we do?

That's up to the school.

Though I'm just a cop, born in a small town, raised in the heartland,

but I say cancel the performance, and give the government the sweeping powers

it needs to detect and eliminate people before they turn into hackers.

Think that's all I've got.

How's everything otherwise?

Stoked for avengers, avengers, avengers, avengers?

I hear Marvel got really hands on this time,

they really pinned in Joss Whedon creatively, so how can that go wrong?

Okay, see ya.

I guess I'm gonna call a press conference and

announce the comedy is cancelled.

Wait hold on.

What's that?

Do your thing, inspire them.

To do what?

To rise to the occasion.

To not let these hackers push us around.

Don't you guys think that we have an obligation here?

The cop says no.

Well the cops say that your car trunk has something to do with 9/11.

They're not philosophers, they're crossing guards with guns.

This is on us as a committee.

The eyes of the world...

Are within hundreds of miles of this room.

Okay, how about the eyes of something bigger?

Aren't you an atheist?

Don't you hate this government?

Are you even planning on going to see this comic?

Yes, pretty much and of course not, I was planning to protest him.

But I can't believe I'm the one saying this.

For God sakes, we're freaking Americans.

We're talking about freedom of speech, it's the amendment so

important it's literally the first one they remembered to add.

For white people.

With penises.

We prefer to be called people without color or vaginas.

Look, I know some things have gotten too simple and

other things have gotten too complicated, but we still have a legacy

and a job in this country.

We're the colony so high maintenance the British gave up.

We're so obnoxious the French sent us a statue.

Nobody tells us to shut up.

And yes, I know that our wealth is no longer distributed, and yes,

our democracy has been hijacked and turned into a puppet show about two

fake parties that are controlled by a cartel of monopolies, and

yes, if our votes had any real power they'd be illegal.

Britta! Freedom of speech acknowledged.

Trust us.

Cancel the show and you cancel people.

Might as well bring dinosaurs back.

What? Let her finish.

Britta, you saw what they did to the lunch lady.

You wanna guess how much better my emails are?

You want me to call a press conference and say, now do me?

No, I'll do it.

Let them leak me.

I'm not letting you do this alone.

Screw it.

I'm in.

Someone has to be the last to stand up, and now that someone isn't me.

I kinda zoned out and assume we're standing to go see Avengers.

These guys are giving hackers a bad name.

And hacker is already such a dumb name.

I'm not an idealist, I'm a pragmatist.

And it's never pragmatic to piss you guys off.

So, fine.

You guys.

This is so inspiring.

I guess, just let me know how it goes.

No matter what happens I'm with you, but don't tell anyone I'm with you.

If you do, I'll deny it, but I'm with you here and now.

Not literally here and now, right now I'm leaving,

but I will always have been with you secretly.

Bye.

The performance by Gupta Gupti Gupta will go on as scheduled tomorrow

night, and we encourage anyone who believes in freedom to attend Mr.

Gupta's performance.

Although, as a woman, and someone with many Jewish and black friends,

I will be deeply offended.

I'm petitioning to have Mr. Gupta banned from all campuses across America.

But, one thing at a time.

First, freedom of speech does not just apply to speech you want to hear.

Case in point, am I right?

Definitely get my good side, right here.

Mm.

Oh, I'm being censored!

I'm being censored!

Anyway, there's coffee and scotch in the corner.

Screw the hackers and long live Greendale!

Yeah.

All right, I'll see you guys at sound check in the cafeteria tomorrow.

And there is a good chance that we are going to be targeted, so

nobody gets on the internet tonight.

What do we say?

No peeking at the leaking.

Promise, promise, promise?

Okay.

Jeff.

Mm.

Thank you for backing me up, a little.

Well, you turned into the path of least resistance.

Deflect all you want, but you're putting your ass one the line for an ideal.

Well, maybe a fraction of a butt cheek on the line.

It's not like I used that stupid Greendale email for anything