The Ruins

Help me! Somebody help!

Somebody, help!

Help me!

Gin!

Read them and weep.

Finally!

- All right. - You ready?

- War. - War?

We're not playing war. War's not even a game.

- We are too playing war. Come on. - It's total chance, Stace.

Winner picks the game, Jeff. That's your rules.

Thank you, Amy.

Okay. War.

Okay. Who wants a little Mexican hair of the dog?

Senorita Margarita.

- I'll have some. - You'll definitely have some.

- Come on, Jeff. - No, keep that away from me.

Well, that's not what you were saying last night.

Seriously, Mr. Nude Lifeguard. What was up with that?

I don't know what you guys are talking about.

One, two, three, four, I declare war.

You're burning up, honey.

- What do you mean? - You're all red.

- No, I'm flushed. I'm just hot. - You're not flushed.

- I finally won. - Good.

- I knew you would. - You did?

- Okay. - I did. Of course I did.

- Shit! - What?

I lost my earring.

Why don't you look under the towel there?

Is it under your chair?

- Look under your towel. - It's not.

- Under your towel. - Why would it be under our towel?

- I don't know, I think I was... - Did you come lay under here?

- We're gonna find it, honey. - It's my favorite earring.

It's probably in the pool.

I found it. It's yours, I think.

Yeah?

- Thank you so much! - Thank you.

It's not a problem.

Hey, do you want a drink?

Yeah, sure. Thank you.

It's got ice in it.

It's okay.

It's blended.

- That means it has ice, Eric. - Thank you.

- Where are you from? - Munich, originally.

Stace, it's just ice.

No, it's not. The water system here is contaminated with human feces.

Okay? So your drinks are, like, blended with hepatitis B. Yes. Hepatitis B.

How do you know each other?

They're best friends, and we're their boyfriends.

Cool.

How about you? Are you here by yourself?

No, with my brother, but he left with some girl, yeah.

Left here? Mexico or...

Oh, no, no. She's an archeologist. He went with her to a dig site.

- And what are they digging? - Like an excavation?

Yeah, it's ruins, I think. A Mayan temple.

Kind of like the ones

- that nobody here wanted to go to... - Yes, Jeff.

...the entire time that we've been here.

Apparently, it's not even in the guidebooks.

VIP only.

Yeah. See, Jeff, that's something I would do.

- Oh, yeah? - Sounds like fun.

Well, if you're interested, I'm going there tomorrow.

Heinrich was supposed to be back by now,

but he must be having a good time.

So what do you guys think?

Ancient Mayan temple off the beaten path?

I don't know, a little culture before we leave?

I wanna go.

- You will? - Yeah.

Since I just kicked Jeff's ass in cards, I got nothing left to do here.

Wow!

Wow.

- Wow. - Say something.

Eric?

Well, yeah, I mean, as long as I'm back for make-your-own-taco night, I'm in.

Amy?

Do we have to wake up early?

Hey, malaka...

You come to beach tonight? To party?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

They are supposed to be coming with me tomorrow,

but maybe it's a big mistake.

They're all fucking crazy in the head.

So, there was this hotel heiress who dyed her hair blonde.

But the carpet didn't match the drapes.

So she stripped it away.

What is it? What's the joke? What's so funny? I'm not...

You don't want to know, Mathias.

But the hardwood floor underneath it was all scuffed up and dirty!

So she buffed it.

But then it was too slippery.

Who's gonna dance with me?

Come on. Come on.

I'm just not feeling this one.

Jeff, buddy, we got two days left. I wanna see some moves.

It's just like playing the trombone.

Jeff used to play the trombone in high school.

- Jeffrey on the trombone, nice! - He won a prize.

Thank you for sharing that with everybody.

Now he's gonna be a doctor.

And he's gonna win a prize for that.

Mathias!

Hey, the Greeks!

Hey, what's up? How are you?

Amy! Amy! No, no! No!

- Amy! No, no, no, no! - Amy!

I'll take some. I'll take some.

I have her.

Amy, it's time to go to bed. Let's go.

No, I don't want to.

Come on.

All right, I'm calling it a night, guys.

- Good night. Give me a kiss. - Come here.

- Give me a kiss. - Stay.

- See you, buddy! - Make sure she gets home.

- Night, Jeff! - Okay?

- I'll see you guys tomorrow morning. - All right.

- Yeah. - Be good, man.

- My boyfriend, the rock star! - See you, Ame.

- Matteo! - Mathias.

Mathias.

Show me a German dance. Come on.

You want a German dance?

Like a waltz?

- Come on! - Yeah...

Drag you?

Nobody wants to dance!

- You want me to dance? I can't dance. - It's so beautiful!

So, how much you wanna bet she kisses him?

She's freaking out 'cause Jeff's med school is like 2,000 miles away, okay?

- You do a twirl. - Okay, how much?

- She's not gonna kiss him. - That's nice.

- Yeah, it's good, yeah? - Yeah, how do you do that?

All right, you know what?

Oral sex. Winner receives.

Oral sex. Okay.

- All right, more of the hips. - Use the hips. Like this.

Jeff's a nice guy, yeah.

Come here. Come here. I wanna tell you a secret.

Amy!

Amy!

- Yes! - Amy!

- What are you doing? - What are you doing?

I will dance with you, okay?

Crazy Greeks.

No. The place that they went, here.

It's only on this old map. It's gone from the guidebook.

What are you doing?

He's making a copy of the map from the girl Heinrich met, for his friends.

Yes, your friends look like they could use a map.

All right. Give me a couple of minutes?

- Rally the troops? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Half an hour in the lobby? - Yeah.

- Okay. - All right.

Do you know what they do to people down here

who don't honor their bets?

Bus leaves in like 15 minutes.

They smash their hands.

No, they do. They take broomsticks,

and they just like, whack, smash their hands.

I mean, it's a true story. It's kind of brutal, but it happens.

What are you gonna do?

- Get up! Get up! - Come on!

Come on! Jeff's gonna be pissed if we miss it.

The terrible wrath of Jeff,

followed, I'm sure, by the even more frightening whining of Amy.

She's not that bad.

No, but I bet she's feeling pretty awkward right about now, don't you?

Don't say anything.

I mean it. Not a word.

- Come here. - Come on!

Look, be a shame to smash these pretty little hands.

Will you please get in the shower?

Come here for a second. Come here. Come here.

You know, you're in Mexico now, muchacha.

Muchacha?

And you can't just lose a bet like that and expect to walk away free.

How much do I owe you again?

I'll be quick. So quick.

Okay.

- You okay? - I'm fine.

You don't sound fine, honey.

Hey, that's really helpful, thanks.

Here you go. Come on.

Let's get going.

- Maybe I shouldn't go. - What?

You're gonna be back tonight. I'll just, like, sleep until then.

You wanna spend our last day sleeping?

I'll just hang out, like read or something.

Amy. Come on.

People come from all over the world just to see these ruins.

And this one isn't even on the map.

I'm not taking you to some tourist trap, honey.

Don't you wanna have some experience or something to shoot,

other than just the beach, the pool, the beach, the pool?