Skins

Fuckers.

Fredster!

This stuff is fucking rubbish, by the way.

Stop stealing my fucking spliff!

Arghhh!

Morning, gents, you thieving bastards.

Come on, I got you some breakfast.

They allowed to serve lager at 8 in the morning?

I had a word...

JJ's got some interesting thoughts on the benefits of Carlsberg

as part of a balanced dietary pattern.

Yeah?

Calorifically it's right up there with 392 energy units,

which is nothing on the Snickers Duo I'm having

which has the additional drawback of 28 grams of fat.

Although I can call upon 1.2 grams of fibre,

which doesn't feature in your lager. But you could argue in some sense

that hops constitute one of your five a day.

That'll do me.

You not having that, Freds?

That's his fourth so far.

Is that a good idea? We've college in half an hour.

You'll be carrying an attention deficit into the day.

Attention deficit? Intelligence deficit!

Pig!

Well, maybe I won't go then.

You're going to bunk off your first day?

Freddie, mate, the sun's shining.

We're bevvied, spliffed and sorted.

Feels like the beginning of something. So I'm waiting.

For what?

The signal.

We're starting college, Cook.

No, we're waiting. Something's gotta start us off.

You're running a randomised fate model to see

if you continue in full time education?

I need motivation. And it needs to be better than sitting in the sun,

with you two, drinking beers and smoking your blow. Jensie!

Have the same again?

And sling a couple of them cherry shots on top?

Cheers, darling.

Yes, I can feel it!

It's got potential, this day.

It's pregnant.

Shouldn't someone pick up that bike before it causes an...?

For fuck's sake! Jesus shit!

Where the fuck did that...?! What the fuck?!

Oh! Look at it! Look at it!

Look at my fucking car!

You saw that, didn't you? Did you!? Did you see it?!

I don't know. You drove into the bollard.

I did not! The fucking bike jumped out in front of me!

You must have seen it, you're my witness, right? Are you blind?

Why is everyone round here fucking blind?

That girl's looking at you, Freddie.

Yeah.

Maybe she's looking at me.

She's not looking at you, JJ.

OK.

Nice hair.

Yeah.

She's got nice hair and nice eyes.

And nice breasts, probably.

Shut up, JJ.

Nipples.

We'll just imagine her bottom.

Where's your fucking white stick, woman?

She's absolutely lovely.

You are as stupid as you look!

Ah, for fuck... I want your mobile number.

I don't have one.

Your fucking email address, then!

Look at the state of my fucking car!

You must have seen something, you demented bint!

What... What happened?

Is that your bike, you fucking idiot?!

I was signalling... you just kept coming...

I didn't even see you!

You came out of fucking nowhere!

I was trying to make you see me. You just kept coming, man!

No. That's bollocks. No. Listen!

You fucked my bike. You just ran straight through me.

That is not right! You haven't got a witness.

Nobody saw me knock you off your bike.

I did.

It was just like he said!

You ran him over, and now he's bleeding.

Profusely.

Perhaps we should call a policeman.

I think it's a crime to leave the scene of a...

There's no need for that. I'm sure we can sort this out.

Let me buy you a new bike... Look, here. Come on, take it!

Take it!! Come on, have the lot. Have the whole fucking lot!

Oh, bollocks! Forgive and forget, OK?

Forgive and forget, OK? OK?! All right.

Everything all right, Gran?

Oh, yes. Just a slight problem, all sorted out now. Yes.

He's a pillock, he wrapped his car around that bollard,

and he's called me a demented bint.

What the fuck did you say to my Gran, man?

Hello, nice to meet you...

Don't fucking, "Hello," me...

Sweet.

Dad says some things are best left to the imagination.

But that's not right, is it?

Your dad's a stupid tosser, JJ.

Yes.

Do you think she's going where we're going?

She is now.

There were always two sides to this story

It was faith that led us here

Two lazy bells

We saw wings that cling and wings that fell

All our time

It's easy to see all these changes for me

But all of these things Do not compare

Not anywhere no Near the way we do

Through all of this life

There's you.

Aarrgh!

Mum! Mum! Emily hit me! Aargh!

Emily? Are you hitting James?

Sorry! Accident...

Argh! That was my bloody widdler!

Shut up or I'll tell her what you were doing.

I've got a natural curiosity for a boy of my age.

Fuck off. And I know it's you stealing the knickers.

They better not be sticky when I find them.

Get the fuck out of there, bitch!

Mum! Mum! Who?

It's me, Emily.

Tell her to get out of the shower. She's making me late for college.

Gotta dash. Remember to make a packed lunch for James. No!

Why don't you get Katie to...? Good luck at college. Remember to smile.

Fucking hell!

You've used all the fucking water!

Jesus! Shit!

Oh, for fuck's sake! You pervy little bastard.

Ow... Ow! Mum!

She's gone to work, loser.

Ow!

Fucking hell. How many times are you gonna do that?

I need to wash my hair and you've...

I knew this top would look fucking bad-ass.

It's mine.

Yeah. Aren't you glad I made you buy it?

Get dressed, though. We're gonna be late.

I dunno where you got this thong,

but it's properly cutting me in half.

You could give it back.

Sorry.

You know it doesn't look as good on you.

Oh, there's Danny. Hey, cutey!

I'm just coming. Hooo!

I'm telling you, college? First day? You need to get ready.

Cos we're not waiting for you.

What about my packed lunch?

Fuck off.

You shave your fanny with Dad's Gillette Mach3.

Shame On A Nigga

So Tommo goes up the inside, right?

I drop back to cover Marco and Keeno.

Took a one-two from Jonno, he's gone, "Danno!"

So I drag back over the ball.

Looked up, chipped the centre back... Boff!

Sambo's in on goal.

Sambo?

He's got a lovely sense of rhythm. Whoa! Where's your knickers, girl?

That's for me to know and you to find out, Danny.

Nice one! Nice one, yeah?

Score one for me, honey.

Laters, babe.

See you, Danny.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Renault Megane Coupe!

Fucking bag...

Here, Ems?

Ems?

Yeah?

You oughta spruce up, yeah? Get some decent threads like Katie.

We're having a party in the Premier Travel Lodge on Thursday.

Party fun, yeah? The lads, they love a twin thing, you know?

That's sweet of you, Danny. Can I get back to you on that?

Yeah, yeah. Nice one.

Are you Danny? That gas-head footy player?

Yup...

My mate Janice wants you to sign her tits.

Let me park up.

Your boyfriend's well mint.

Yeah. He's totally fit.

He took me to the Stakis Grand last week for surf, turf and shots.

Oooh. I love Danny Guillermo. Wow.

Safe.

Lush.

Foxy.

Oh, yeah, cute.

He's signing Samantha's tits!

Bonkers!

What's surf and turf, Eff?

Sex.