Hugo Pool

You've reached the Hugo Pool Company.

This is you-know-who.

Leave your message right after the you-know-what.

Hugo Dugay. It's you-know-who.

You know, I just went out to take a swim, and my pool was empty.

Fill me back up by 6:30 tonight.

Chic, she can't do that because of the drought.

If she puts water in an empty pool and gets caught, there's a $10,000 fine.

You stay out of this.

And if you water your lawn, it's $8,000,

and if you get caught washing your car, it's $5,000!

Don't listen to this lunatic, Hugo. She's a drinker.

Just do what I tell you.

If there's a fine, I'll split it with you.

Don't trust Chic Chicalini. He's a bozo!

Hey, you leave me alone or I'll find somebody who will!

- Go ahead! - Shut up!

You shut up!

You've reached the Hugo Pool Company.

This is you-know-who.

Leave your message right after the you-know-what.

Miss Dugay,

I can tell by the sound of your voice

that we can do business.

Good people tell me that you're

the prettiest pool person in the Canyon.

My name is Floyd Cayleo.

1739 Catatonic Pass Road.

I need your special expertise. Looking forward. Gracias.

You've reached the Hugo Pool Company.

This is you-know-who.

Leave your message right after the you-know-what.

Hugo...

It's your mother. I can't sleep.

Please come see me today. I'll never ask again.

Good morning!

Good morning.

- Hi. - Hi.

I need chemicals, please.

OK.

How many pools today?

44. Maybe 45. I might have a new customer.

- Wow. Good luck. - Thank you.

OK. Oh...

While I load up...

...get your father.

He's in the back. He's been here all night.

Is he stoned? Is he loaded? Is he blasted out of his mind?

I have nothing to compare to.

Hi, Dad.

Yo, sister.

There's something you gotta know.

I'm off the snow, no more blow and the vodka had to go.

There's only one thing left that I still do.

And that's the ring-dang-doo.

Don't panic.

I'm here to be of service and much love.

But first... I need $5,000 to join AA.

- Since when do they charge? - They don't, sister.

Frankly speaking, I need the bread, so I can get into a serious rehab.

I'm a little shaky today.

Will you help me?

I need you to help me today, Dad.

You got me, sister.

I'm not your sister. You're my father. I'm your daughter.

No sister in sight.

You and your brother are marijuana accidents.

Brother?! What brother?

I thought I had a son.

No.

Why are you looking so depressed?

Got a long day ahead of me, Dad.

Where's the quickest place to get a water truck?

Well, I only know of one.

It's a beaut, though. Top of the line.

- Brendan Cavanagh. - Great. Thank you!

See you tomorrow. Come on, Dad. Move it or lose it.

See you tomorrow.

Are you the Dugays?

That's us, mister. Hugo and Henry.

How are you doing?

My dad's going to pick up a load of water, so he needs a set of wheels.

Can you handle my baby?

Or are you too old?

Not as old as I look.

Six gears is nothing to me, man.

I can't be too possessive. Gotta let her out every once in a while.

Jealousy is the worst emotion there is.

Where is she?

She's in her crib.

And have her back by midnight!

Well, where am I going?

The Colorado River is where you're going, fast.

It's 89 miles to where it comes into California.

When you get there, you suck 3,000 gallons

out of the river and into the truck.

Then you zip on back to 2533 Lemaline Lane.

And that's where we fill up the pool of Chicalini by 6:30 tonight.

If I can't pull this off, I don't deserve rehab.

Hey, I'd advise you to stay away from me if you don't get this job done.

Give me a chance, bro.

Chances are taken, not given.

I'm on the case.

You'd better be, Dad.

Hey.

Hmm?

I like your vehicle.

Well, it's not mine. But it is mine today.

I'm going to go to the Colorado River, pick up a load and then come right back.

What's the cargo?

Can't tell until we get there.

That's fine by me. I've never been to Colorado River.

But I have an aunt in Denver.

Your shoes are exquisite.

You're a gentleman. They're few and far between.

You got a name, bro?

No questions, please.

Henry Dugay. Give me four. Five is too jive.

Yeah!

My hand's on fire with camaraderie. My skin burns with bonding.

Thank you.

Your shoes are longing and lusting to be mine.

- How much did you pay for them? - I'll never tell.

There are only five pairs of these shoes in the world, and they're all registered.

Ah.

- Mr Mazur? - Uh-huh.

It's Hugo.

- What can I do? - Nothing.

The deed is done, and so am I.

Yesterday, as the sun was setting - a magic hour -

I began directing the first shot of my new movie,

entitled Rebel Without a Suitcase.

Congratulations.

What for? For what? Why?

Because simply, as I start the first scene with my leading lady,

I say, with enthusiasm, "Action!"

I notice immediately problem.

Background extra... jumping around like kangaroo.

Plus, laughing.

"Cut.

"Excuse me, Mr Extra. Hello. Franz Mazur, director.

"Please, next time, consolidate, bring it down, be still."

But he says, "I will not be still for nobody.

"But especially not for a hack like you."

I remove my pistol from my pocket.

I fire three shots into this pretentious ham!

When he hits the deck, he is as dead as a dead man can be.

So... Rebel Without a Suitcase has been shut down.

Which is infuriating me, because it would have been my best effort.

I wrote it all by myself with the charlatan who wrote the novel.

Can you give me a lift?

Where to?

Uh... half a mile or so.

I'll just go in my house and do something big-time,

then I'll double-split with you.

Hey, how come you're not in jail?

I was. For, like, a little while. Now I'm out on bail.

Thank God it's Los Angeles.

I'll get over this.

Well, you've got to do something for the environment.

Maybe I'll work with a little community service! Ah, yes.

I'm coming!

Franz? Yes?

Can I come in? Of course.

I'm coming inside now.

Why? I don't know.

What's that? Well, you'll see in a minute.

What are you going to do?

Oh, come on, don't be a spoilsport.

Just wait. I'll tell you in a minute.

Thank God it's done.

What's done?

My house. I set it on fire.

- Why? - Insurance.

I need the money. You don't mind, do you?

It's none of my business.

The smoke is arousing me.

Right over here by this bush. That's my bush.

You know, the question is, if I am found not guilty

of murdering this insignificant extra scum... bucket...

... will I then be known about town as an ex-murderer?

- Not to me, pal. - Oh, not to you.

How's by you? Fine by me.

Well, I'm off like a dirty shirt.

I knew you'd come through.

So, what's up?

I need you to help me.

And that means you've got to stay with me all day and do something.

OK. Do you want to know what's going on in my life?

No.

And listen up, Ma, when I get out of the truck, you get out.

We do each pool as quick as we can.

You scoop the leaves out. I put the chemicals in.

There's 39 more pools and already I'm running late.

I'm in a lot of pain.

The usual? You're so perceptive.

The race was supposed to be fixed, but of course nobody told my horse.

Finished last. $4,800.

I'm in so much trouble with my bookie,

who says, by the way, that if I don't pay him off today,