The Legend of Drunken Master (醉拳二)

Everyone has to pass through customs.

Taxable items will be confiscated if you have not declared them!

Tso, the ginseng root must be declared.

But, Father, you know they're gonna charge us at least 50 bucks for ginseng.

I know.

I could hide it in my trousers. They'd never look for it there.

Or even better, we'll hide it in the old man's pants.

We can say he's wearing an adult diaper and nobody will wanna search him then.

Yeah. That's believable.

- You are hopeless, both of you. - He thought of it.

I don't wanna hear any more of your scheming.

The government puts a tax on everything on Earth. It isn't fair.

No one ever told you that life would be fair.

Now, listen to me. I don't want any more trouble. And I mean it.

Make way!

All right, get out of the way! Everybody, stand back!

Hey, what makes them better than us? Bigshots.

Do you know who that is, Fei-hung?

The English Consul, and he has privileges.

He doesn't have to pay duties.

If you don't wanna pay duties, you must become a Consul.

That's all there is to it?

Whoa. What the hell? Watch where you're going.

Get away from that suitcase, you clumsy fool.

- You gotta be careful. - Be careful.

- You could hurt yourself. - What's wrong?

Oh, he fainted.

Please, sir, I apologize.

Fei-hung.

That man is getting away with our ginseng.

Tso, don't worry.

Once he takes it through customs, I'm gonna retrieve it again.

- Oh! How about the other packages? - What do you mean?

I'll knock him down then you stuff him in.

- Quick! - Hmm?

What's wrong?

He must be coming down with epilepsy.

Come on, Tso, get up.

Free them!

Hey, slow down.

You get a seat.

I'll pay the taxes. I'll catch up with you.

All right, son.

After you have made your declaration, move on and board the train.

Take my luggage!

Got it.

Come on.

Fei-hung, Tso!

How did you get here ahead of me?

Here, let me give you a hand with that.

Careful now.

- Come back here. - Huh?

How dare you steal from my father?

- Hey! - Fei-hung, no! Wait!

Fei-hung, come back here!

Yes, sir, coming.

Fei-hung, now, what have I taught you?

The local fellow has the advantage.

It would be foolish to go chasing after him.

He was a robber!

He was not successful. But that's not the point.

The point is, you have to be capable...

- That you must forgive... - Of forgiving...

- If you expect to be forgiven. - If you expect to be forgiven.

- That's right. - I remembered.

Careful.

You're just bluffing.

Huh? Think it over first.

There's no way out.

Maybe.

Think about it.

Hey, look at that giant beaver!

- Oh, it's right over there, Dad! - Mmm-hmm.

- I've seen lots of them. - Yeah.

Move.

You're gonna beat me.

- Keep on looking. - Where? I don't see it.

Ready? Fast one.

Back to sleep.

Boy, how did he miss it?

I'm so sorry. Won't you please forgive me?

I will forgive you, but you must be more careful.

Thank you.

- Go ahead. - Your move.

Hmm?

This is inexcusable.

It's all right. You're forgiven.

No salesmen allowed on board!

Our ginseng, we have to recover it quickly.

Yeah. Gotcha.

Papa, you don't want this.

Let me go buy you something that's more suitable to your appetite.

Aw, I don't have a picky appetite. I'll be fine.

Well, I know how you like roasted goose leg.

- Maybe we can slam one for you, huh? - Goose leg. Yeah.

Oh, you don't need excuses if you're restless

and wanna go exploring.

Go right ahead.

You two make sure you come back before the train leaves.

And try to stay out of trouble!

Pardon me. Excuse me. Pardon me.

Oh, God, these people brought their ducks and chickens with them.

The smell is unbearable.

Quiet.

This is like another world.

So what's the weather like?

The weather in the North East is nice.

It's the first-class section.

Because of all the foreigners here.

All right, you two, out of here. Move.

What are you doing here? Answer me.

Looking for someone.

- You two have a friend in there? - Yeah, that's right.

- Can you prove it? - Just ask me.

That's it. Go on.

If we see you again, you'll be arrested.

We gotta find the baggage department quick.

Yeah, I know that.

- Hope this works. - All right. Now, get ready...

- Do it! - Get out of here.

Shoo! Out! Go on! Scat! Shoo!

Look out!

They've gone wild!

Look out!

Who is that maniac?

- Huh? - Sorry, sir.

Hey!

Come back here, thief!

Ginseng.

I'm sure I saw him come this way.

Yeah, we'll find him.

Hey, you, come back here!

Hey, you, come back here!

Thief!

Hey, you!

Hey!

Wait! That's mine.

I'll teach you!

- You traitor. - What?

Would you like some tea?

Get in my way and you'll die.

Traitor.

No!

Wait a minute, I wanna talk to you!

In the first place, I'm not a traitor.

Don't be a fool.

You're fighting a master.

I'm aware of that, and I'm winning.

Whoa.

Hmph!

You're pushing it. What do you want from me?

Apologize for what you said.

What do you mean?

You thought I was some other person.

All right. I'm sorry.

I don't believe it. Come here.

Hey, are you mocking me?

I'm a master.

You can't hit me.

We'll go hand-to-hand.

All right.

Drunken boxing.

That's right. Come on, yeah. Mix it up.

All right. Fight!

- Ready? - If you are.

Come on.

Mmm. No. I don't think you are quite ready yet.

Oh!

What do you call that pose?

Uh, "Holding a 100-ton barrel of manure."

- Hmm? - Just who do you think you are?

I guess I'm the guy you can't knock down.

What pose is this?

The self-administered massage.

You may rise.

You know, you're all right, old man.

Thank you. You're pretty good, too, son,

but that drunken boxing of yours was...

It was what?

Pathetic. You defend yourself very well.

But you have no attack.

What?

With drunken boxing, I can defeat any kind of kung fu ever invented.

Listen. The whistle. Your train is leaving.

Defend yourself, and expect no mercy from me.

It'll leave. You've got to hurry.

I'll rip your arms and legs off, and beat you over the head with a...

Running away?

No, the train!

Come on, you can do it. Take my hand.

You're almost there.

Thanks. You're a lifesaver.

Think nothing of it.

Huh? Ginseng?

Out of the way. Everybody, get up!

Take your luggage down and open it up for inspection.

On your feet. Everybody!

All luggage must be opened for inspection.

Hey, you. Wake up.

- Good morning. - A problem here?