The Mule

It's David versus Goliath as the Aussie underdogs

take on the might of America and history itself.

At 132 years, it's the longest winning streak in the history of sport.

America's Cup fever has swept the nation.

The team from Down Under are attempting to scale the unscalable.

Even our new Prime Minister has gotten race fever.

We have all our best wishes with you.

As I said in my message, if it gets tight, let us know.

We'll all turn towards Newport and blow to get you home.

We're with you, Australia II.

They're coming from a colour television

Every trick they try...

We're with you, Australia II.

We're with you, Australia II.

God bless you all for what you're doing.

It's the first of four in the best of seven races.

Some are dubbing this the greatest sporting event this century.

It's party time here at Rhode Island.

I can tell you they'll all have a bellyful tonight.

I switch off

I switch on, I switch off I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off...

Drop your pants.

And your underpants, please.

Bend over.

Bend over, mate.

Now hold still.

Please lift up your scrotum.

Spread your buttocks.

Bit of hush. Alright.

Bit of hush, please. Bit of hush.

- On ya, Coach. - Bit of hush.

Now, we've been watching the raffle tally

for the end of season footy trip

climb pretty slowly over the last year,

but unfortunately we didn't raise quite enough.

- Oh, come on! - But... Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Thanks to a very generous donation from the owner

of the fabulous Paradise Gardens Reception Centre,

well...

Says it all. Bangkok, here we come!

Yeah!

Here to present the final award of the evening

is that generous man himself,

our esteemed club president Pat 'The Rat' Shepherd.

Thank you, Pat.

Thanks very much, mate. Much appreciated.

- Thanks, mate. - Hide your daughters.

Thank you, John.

Four wins from 18 games.

- How do you do it? - Well...

- No, really, how do you do it? - He was only sober for four of 'em.

Oh, Cheeky Graeme.

Listen, if your form on the field was as good as it is off

we might have won five games!

OK, listen up.

Clubman of the Year.

Now, this year's winner exemplifies the qualities

of a truly great clubman...

loyalty,

endurance,

resilience,

always putting the team above himself.

Now, this kid may not kick the most goals,

he may not take the most marks,

in fact, he may not even make the team next year, by the sounds of it.

But after playing a record 154 consecutive games,

the winner of the 1983 West Sunshine Clubman of the Year

is the endurable Ray Jenkins!

Oh, Ray!

- Come up here, Ray. - Good on you, mate.

- Well done. Well deserved. - Did you know?

- Ray! - Get that into you.

- Ray! - Ray!

Go on, put it down, son.

Ray.

I can't believe it!

Congratulations.

Say a few words.

Th... thank you.

Just told her, 'I didn't know it was your bloody cousin.'

It's a true story.

Not telling the one about that mole from Essendon again, are you, Gav?

Hey, don't do anything silly in Thailand, fellas.

- Not us. - Never, hey?

Just be careful. Don't come home with anything.

Go on, get out of here. Give me a minute with him.

Still having your shindig next weekend?

Yeah, why? You need something done?

Swing by Paradise, pick up a free keg.

- What about Raymond? He going? - Where?

Thailand, Knucklehead.

Doubt it. You'd have to pry him off his mum's tit.

Can't have the Clubman of the Year not touring, can we?

Be double the fun.

That won't work. I already tried.

Can I break for lunch?

Do the whole table first. I don't pay you to eat.

Unlimited piss, St Kilda sluts, my joint... it's on.

You're the only bloke from the club I'm inviting,

so don't tell no-one.

- Is that you, Ray? - Yes, Mum.

And is that the dashing Gavin Ellis with you?

The one and only, Mrs Jenkins.

Just escorting the Clubman of the Year home.

Oh, yeah?

Well, the Clubman of the Year can escort himself inside

and set the table.

John?

It's good to be back in Edwin Street.

Yeah, they...

they put a verandah out the back of your old house.

Who doesn't want a verandah?

Thanks for the ride.

Have a think about the Thailand offer.

Get 'em through Customs, shit 'em out

and Robert's our aunty's husband.

Easiest eight grand you'll ever make.

Sure.

Buy yourself some wheels, have a play with the ladies...

eight grand could do a lot for a bloke like you, and your mum.

Nah, mate. I'm sorry. I'm not your man.

Besides, I wouldn't be any good at it.

Pay John's debts and stop your mum getting hurt over a card game.

- What do you mean? - Don't answer now.

Mull it over, let me know at my party.

Here's some cash for a cab.

Go on, take it. It's yours, for the cab.

There's plenty more where that came from.

St Kilda sluts!

They said it might rain tomorrow afternoon.

Yeah, we need a bit of rain.

Hopefully it'll clear up, though.

- That'd be nice. - Yeah.

Anyone see Adelaide's weather?

Going through a real hot spell.

Yeah, a real hot spell.

Why are you and Gavin knocking around again?

He hasn't been over since they lived next door.

He just gave me a lift home from work, Mum.

Yeah, well, he's bad news, Ray. He's been in jail.

It was a youth offenders unit.

He cut that poor boy up with a chisel.

It was a long time ago, darl.

Gav's a pretty decent bloke when you get to know him.

You two used to be like peas in a pod.

Oh, he was such a sweet kid.

His mother would turn in her grave if she saw him now.

Hey, love, while you're up.

Oh, I don't think so, darlin'. That was your third.

You've had your quota for the day.

How lucky are we?

Good food, good home, good health.

Oh, yeah, it's good to be us.

This is Ziggy. He's Lithuanian.

Come to get my keg for tonight's party.

- Get Fuck. - What?

Get Fuck. To help you. He's in the kitchen.

- It's 'Phuk'. - Oi.

Did you have a word with our Clubman of the Year?

He's not up for it. Doesn't have the guts.

It's a pity.

His mum could use the cash.

Never met a coach with more bad luck than John.

Speaking of which...

Best dog I ever had.

Here's your traveller's cheques.

Half a kilo. No more, no less.

- Who is it? - A friend.

- Who is it, sorry? - Where's John?

He's not here.

- He's down at the pub. - Which pub?

Who is it, love?

He didn't say, mate, but I can pass on a message for him.

Next time, I come for your mother.

Who was that?

Mormons.

At this hour? Oh, Christ Almighty.

- Mum, I'm gonna head out now. - To Gavin's.

- John. - Darl, he's not a baby.

He can make his own decisions.

Night-night.

Night.

Oh, mate, before you go, could you spot us some cash?

Just a couple of lobsters?

It's for your mum.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oi, dickhead, you always go around drinking other people's beers?

- I thought it was unlimited. - A bit dumb, aren't you?

Might have to knock some sense into you.

- I could pay for it. - Yeah, fuckin' oath you'll pay for it.

What's going on?

Oh, this dickhead thinks it's OK to steal other people's beers.

If someone does you wrong, you knock 'em the fuck out.

My party, my rules. Or don't you have the balls?

Ray?