Murder She Said

Station announcement.

The train standing at platform two...

... is the 4:50 for Ealing Broadway, Hanwell, Hayes, West Drayton...

... Langley, Taplow, Milchester, and Brackhampton.

- Tickets please. - A woman has been strangled. I saw it.

- I beg your pardon? - A man strangled a woman in a train.

I saw it. Out there.

- Strangled? - Yes, strangled.

You must do something about it at once.

Me? Well...

Madam, don't you think perhaps you had a little nap and maybe had a bad dream?

Young man, I was not dreaming. I saw it.

What are you going to do about it?

Well, look, we'll be in Brackhampton in about five minutes.

- I'll report it as soon as we get there. - Thank you.

- Could I have your name and address...? - Yes, of course. Miss Jane Marple.

- Marple? - Marple.

- Old Pasture Lane. - Pasture Lane.

- Milchester. - Milchester.

Very well, Miss Marple. I'll report this to the station master...

- Yes, please do. - Thank you.

A bad dream indeed.

All right, Lucy. I'll answer that.

- Good morning, madam. I'm... - Not today, thank you.

Inspector Craddock, County CID, madam.

Oh, I am so sorry. Do come in, inspector.

I've just been going through all the papers again...

...for the last two days, and still not a word about the murder.

I suppose the police asked the press to say nothing for the moment.

Do sit down, won't you?

Lull the murderer into a false sense of security, then pounce, eh?

What's that? Oh, how stupid of me.

- Here. - I'm so sorry.

Lucy. You will have some tea, won't you?

Some tea for the inspector, dear, please.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, now, have you got him?

Well, I...

That is, we have come to the conclusion that what you saw on the train was...

- Well, a man and a woman... - Yes, as I said.

I mean, perhaps they were honeymooners.

Inspector, I may be what is termed a spinster...

...but I do know the difference between horseplay and murder.

Of course, madam... Miss Marple.

But the fact remains that there's been a search of every train...

...and no hospital treated any woman as you describe.

She was blond and had on a coat with a pale fur collar.

And no such woman has been seen getting on or off a train...

...alone or with anybody else. - Of course not. She was dead.

Further, a search has been made of every inch of the tracks...

...for the whole length of the line. Negative.

So you don't believe me?

- I didn't mean to imply that. - You certainly did.

- Not at all. L... - What then?

L... I assure you Miss Marple...

...that a woman cannot be murdered on a train a few minutes before a station...

...without our finding out about it.

I'm quite sure you mean well, inspector...

...but if you imagine that I am going to sit back...

...and let everybody regard me as a dotty old maid...

...you are very much mistaken.

Good day.

Sorry, Mrs. Stainton.

The Hat Rack Hanging, Falcon Smith's latest...

...I'm afraid we haven't received our copy yet.

Plain inefficiency.

I want to know the moment it comes in.

Of course, of course, Mrs. Stainton.

- Oh, good morning, Miss Marple. - Good morning, Mr. Stringer.

Good morning, Hilda.

One moment.

The Hat Rack Hanging. I've been keeping it for you.

Mr. Stringer, would you say I was an unstable woman?

Certainly not.

- In full possession of my faculties? - Absolutely.

- Not given to hallucinations? - Why, no.

Thank you, Mr. Stringer.

- The police think I'm dotty. - What?

Apparently what I saw was a young man and woman...

...in the throes of connubial bliss.

I see. Well, if I were you, Miss Marple...

...I would certainly write to the chief constable.

How many detective novels would you say we have read over the years?

Impossible to say. Certainly many hundreds.

Yes. Which gives us, wouldn't you agree...

...a certain knowledge of the criminal mind?

Most assuredly.

Well, this is where we put that knowledge to the test.

- We? - Yes, we.

So it has come in.

- Has it? - Well, I think I have first call.

I don't think you'll like it, Hilda. Too obvious.

The mother did it, of course.

How can you know that? The book has just come in.

It always is with Falcon Smith. A deprived child, you know.

Hot buttered crumpets for tea, Mr. Stringer, if you care to join me.

Indeed I would, Miss Marple.

Yes, here we are.

Now I calculate the 5:00 express to Brackhampton...

...overtook my train somewhere about there.

But how can you be sure?

Well, I remember the ticket collector saying, "Five minutes to Brackhampton."

It couldn't have been more than a minute after the murder he came in.

So that makes it six minutes before Brackhampton...

...at, say, 30 miles an hour.

So about there.

But the body, Miss Marple?

Well, it seems clear that was thrown from the train...

...between here and Brackhampton.

- The police found nothing. - Of course not.

The murderer returned before the search and disposed of the body.

By Jove, the police will certainly want to investigate now.

Well, according to them, there is nothing to investigate.

Surely, in the light of our theory, a fresh search...

Certainly. But this time we will conduct our own.

Yes, Mr. Stringer.

I recommend a hearty breakfast tomorrow.

You and I are going to take an early morning walk.

There must be something somewhere.

You can't throw a body out of a fast-moving train...

...without leaving some kind of trace.

Miss Marple, if we linger here much longer...

...I feel certain we shall be apprehended.

Oh, nonsense. No one will give a couple of tracklayers a second glance.

I'm not altogether convinced our disguises are adequate.

A shoe, a bit of cloth, something.

I'll concede our timetable may have been out of date...

...but I'm quite sure the 7: 15 is still running.

- Very possibly. - But it could be most dangerous up here.

Undoubtedly.

Miss Marple.

- Miss Marple. - Yes?

There you are. I think I heard something.

And I think I've found something.

Really?

Consistent with something having been dumped from a train, wouldn't you say?

If it was the body, it would roll down and finish up against this wall.

Then where is it?

That, Mr. Stringer, is the question.

It could be buried.

You'd need a pick or a shovel.

No, this is hardly an ideal spot for disposing of a body.

Unless...

From her fur collar, I think.

Mr. Stringer, will you kindly give me a leg up?

- Really, Miss Marple, l... - Please, Mr. Stringer.

No, no.

Make a stirrup.

- Come on, careful. Are you ready? - Yes.

- Interlock your fingers. - They are interlocked.

- Well, are you ready? - Yes.

Up.

Magnificent.

Down.

- What a frightful-looking man. - What a frightful-looking dog.

Miss Marple, prudence demands a retreat.

Mr. Stringer, I am convinced the body is on the other side of this wall.

But that's the Ackenthorpe Hall Estate.

I know. Perfect.

Easy for someone to come down out of the house...

...recover the body, and dispose of it somewhere in the grounds.

Someone from the house? You mean one of the family?

Yes. Or one of the servants, if they're lucky enough to have any.

Servants. I wonder...

Miss Marple, whatever it is, no, no.

Mr. Stringer, we will withdraw temporarily.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

I'm afraid there's nothing on my books.

Not so much as a mother's help.

I'm seeking a post, not offering one.

- Pray be seated, do, my good woman. - Thank you.

You need seek no more. You've come to the right place.

How good to see the spirit of unselfish service is still with us.

Let me see now.

Yes. Here's a perfect plum.

"Cheerful home for cheerful lady.

Own suite, TV, radio and the use of car.

Tea in bed on Sundays. Pension scheme."

Heaven forbid.

Oh, all right.

"Mrs. Forbes Alexbridge.

Setting up house near Monte Carlo."

They won't have any foreigners, of course.

"Own gaming allowance."

Well, I don't approve of gambling.

"Mrs. Hamilton Potts." The Dingley Stud Farm, you know.

"Seven children, eldest, 7."

Oh, no, thank you.

Perhaps if I might have a quiet word with Mrs. Binster.

I am Mrs. Binster.

Oh, I see.

Well, as a matter of fact...

...I wondered if there might be a position at Ackenthorpe Hall?

- Ackenthorpe Hall? - Yes, Ackenthorpe Hall.

Oh, yes, I think I can accommodate you.

Yes, there's always a vacancy there.

Thank you.

Yes?

I'm Jane from Mrs. Binster's Employment Agency.

The new maid.