Fairly Legal

Oh! Hold the door! Hold the door! Hold--

Morning.

Morning.

- Wanna grab a Martini? - You wanna shut up?

Little hung over?

I don't even remember how I got home last night,

- really, it's-- - Me either.

Hey, did you hear about the golden gate bungee jumper?

- He's my client. - Oh, wow.

That's your favorite kind of case.

A slip and fall.

Oh, shazam. Now I remember.

You saw Justin on a date last night,

drank too much, I drove you home,

and then you asked me in for meaningless revenge sex

because you think I'm an empty person.

Did we?

No.

- Because... - No, no.

I said no to you, and then went home.

That's right. Now I remember.

Okay, you listen up.

Last night was kind of a low point.

...for me.

So it didn't happen.

Not the drinks, not the ride, not the Justin,

not the nothing that happened after that.

Last night does not exist.

You got it?

Only because I'm seeing him in an hour

to negotiate a plea deal on the jumper...

Does Justin exist?

- What're you doing here? - I work here.

No, Kate, you're supposed to be at Burgess hall right now.

Yeah, I noticed that on your calendar.

Isn't that your Alma mater?

Why are you noticing my calendar?

Your dad gave Burgess hall a lot of money.

It seemed like a wonderful school.

Mm. Well, they were wonderful at raising money.

Plus...

A student got caught cheating and is gonna get expelled,

so, the father is threatening to make a big stink about it,

and they hired moi

to handle the situation.

Oh, great. They reached out to you.

Yeah.

The headmistress Olivia McKey and I were--we were classmates.

Oh. That's young for a headmistress.

She had a lot of chutzpah.

Plus they fired the school's lawyer.

What time am I supposed to be there?

20 minutes.

Aye!

Uh, Leo, can you grab my things?

- Kate, you know... - Ha...

Um, their alumni association

reads like the who's-who of San Francisco.

I mean, we could do worse than to win them as a client.

I'd like to come with you.

Oh, come on, Lauren.

What, you don't trust me to get their business on my own?

Not really.

Wow, you look like a frickin' bull.

Are those shoulder pads, or are you on the 'roids?

Wazniak is being charged with felony reckless endangerment.

Aristotle called it "spectacle."

My client is performance artist.

There's nothing artistic about bungee jumping

off the golden gate bridge. Ah-ah-ah.

Coulda hurt somebody.

- Not least of all himself. - So, you're risk-averse.

Guess that could be

an attractive quality at first blush,

but I can see where someone might get bored.

Don't do that.

Who might get bored?

The voters.

If I were running for D.A.,

I wouldn't want to try a folk hero.

Wazniak broke the law. 12 weeks in county.

Jail?

When did Pinochet move to Market Street?

200 hours community service. Time served.

Forget it. Let's go to trial.

A guy who's been in a parrot suit on TV

should not do time in county.

150 hours community service,

plus a benefit performance for the city.

Eight weeks county, $2,000 fine.

I know judge Heaney.

He's a crab-ass who loves jail time.

Take it or leave it.

You're very rigid. Interesting.

Do we have a deal or not?

Sometimes the bull wins.

What a beautiful school.

Oh, yeah, you woulda loved it here.

They would've put you on the cover of the alumni magazine

holding an oar and a squash racket.

Not you, huh?

When daddy came into a lot of money,

public school all of a sudden just wasn't good enough,

so I transferred in 10th grade.

Well, he obviously wanted the best for you.

Well, I obviously didn't have

anything in common with anyone here.

Kate?

Oh, Olivia.

- So wonderful to see you. - Wow.

I had no idea where to turn at such short notice,

but your reputation as a mediator

is really getting around in this city.

Uh-huh. I had, uh, no idea you were headmistress.

I know. Can you believe it?

Olivia, this is my partner,

- Lauren Reed. - Hi.

She married my dad.

Of course. Mrs. Reed.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

- Both of you. - Thank you.

Olivia, how can we help you?

I'm aware of the basic facts of the situation,

a junior's protesting her expulsion for cheating?

Is that right?

Yes. I wouldn't normally call for help,

but the father is irate.

Do you want me to mediate some kind of settlement?

I certainly want them to feel heard,

but the facts of the situation are clear.

Mm.

I need him to understand that.

So, then, we're really here to scare him off.

- The Davis family is waiting. - 'Kay.

- Shall we? - Mm.

You can't kick out my daughter.

I'm a single father. I work two jobs.

Even with the financial aid, I struggle to pay the bill here.

But I do it so she will have the opportunities I never had.

While that's impressive, it's not relevant, Mr. Davis.

You expel her, you take all that away.

But your daughter broke a rule,

and she knew the consequences.

The school maintains

a strict zero-tolerance policy towards cheating.

Eliza?

Can you tell us what happened?

Eliza's AP English teacher, Mr. Wade,

caught her using notes during a semester exam.

I asked her.

I didn't cheat. Mr. Wade made a mistake.

Well, the facts have already been vetted

by our disciplinary committee.

Let's say my daughter is lying.

- Let's say she did cheat. - What?

You be quiet.

We all know if I were one of the big wheels in this school,

there's no way Eliza would be getting expelled over this.

Mr. Davis, that is completely untrue.

Wait, no one believes?

Including you, dad?

Mr. Davis...

Are you saying that your daughter did cheat?

The school cheats.

There's two sets of rules here.

One for the rich kids, and one for everybody else.

I'm not gonna let you make an example out of her

because you think we can't fight back.

Let her back in, or I am gonna drag all of it into court.

I'm going.

Oh, no, no. Please don't leave, sir.

Mr. Davis, we understand that you're frustrated.

But making unfounded allegations isn't gonna help anyone here.

- Oh, you think I'm bluffing? - No, no.

I-I-I promise, if you can give us some time,

we'll come up with a compromise that works for everyone.

They're already making her clean out her locker.

I don't want Eliza missing any more classes.

Just give us a day.

One day.

Let's go.

What're you doing?

You said you wanted us to put out the fire,

but it is not that simple.

I mean, that man has put everything

into his daughter's education,

and you're trying to take that away.

He's desperate, but it doesn't change what happened.

Eliza said she didn't cheat.

But she did cheat. We're past that.

Okay, but he was correct.

If he were one of your big donors,

she wouldn't be getting expelled.

Kate, that is ridiculous.

Oh, seriously, Liv?

Are you really gonna sit there,

and pretend like it's not true?

Have you bought into this place that much?

You--

Dumb question.