SMILF

Game.

Hey, good game out there.

You got that scrappy game, I dig it.

Thanks.

So, you wanna run it back with us?

You gonna give me a shot to, you know,

redeem myself a little bit?

I mean, if you really wanna embarrass yourself.

Oh, okay. She's a little cocky.

I like that, I like that.

Yo, do you hear that?

What?

That kid keeps crying.

I'll be right back.

Hi, did you just wake up?

Hey, Larry, I just need you to play it cool, okay?

Okay.

Okay, come on, let's go. Come on, let's go.

Come here.

All right.

- This kid? - Yeah. So, what are you,

like, his nanny, or...

Oh, I'm, uh... his mom.

Oh.

Mommy.

All right.

- He's a cute kid. - Oh...

See you out there, scrappy. Run it back!

Okay.

I'm Bridgette.

Maybe we can go for a drink later.

Okay, cool.

- You wanna go on the slide? - Yeah.

Me too.

Here you go. Hey, you.

- Hey, you. - Hey, you.

Hey, you.

You did this to me.

You did this to me.

Daddy, I'm ready for my pajamas.

Oh, squeaky...

Hey.

- That's the sun. - The sun.

And the sun is hot...

- Right? - Yeah.

Okay. Let's do your prayers, okay?

Prayer time. Ready?

Are you listening? Are you listening to me?

Listen to me.

What are you doing?

Uh, knock it off.

Come on, there's no praying in this house.

- We'll visit your mom in hell. - Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.

- Mommy. - Shh, it's okay, I'm here.

At least we did something right.

- Where you going? - I gotta go.

You don't wanna watch something?

I would, but I can't.

- Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. - All right.

Go have fun fucking whoever you're fucking.

- Have fun fucking yourself. - Thank you...

- The best part of my day. - You should get out more.

I'm telling you, I'll babysit for you.

- Okay, okay. - All right?

- I love you. - Love you.

I fell madly in love with you today, scrappy.

I knew it.

- So did all these other dudes. - That's so cool.

Yes.

Why do you look like that?

Are you sure I'm... in?

Yes. You couldn't be more in.

I hear Sally sold her house down on 8th street.

Yeah, just cash.

She didn't even wanna sell the place.

Uh, what could she do?

You know, they are edging us out there.

It's not what it used to be, I'll tell you that.

- Yeah. - Hey, Wally.

- Bridge... - Hi.

- Oh... - Just say the word.

You're such a tease, Wally.

- Thank you. - You look tired.

- What? - You look tired.

I am tired.

All right, go to Tutu.

- Come here, baby. - Ugh.

- Gesundheit. - Oh.

Thank you. All right, I gotta go to work.

Yeah, why don't you come in for a little bit of grilled cheese?

I can't, I'm gonna be late.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

It's not like Ally's going anywhere.

I mean, she is the saddest woman I have ever met.

- Mm-hm. - I was thinking we could

take Larry, we go down to Joseph's,

we get him a cookie, you know?

Because I think he really needs to feel loved.

He does feel loved.

I know. I'm just saying, with Rafi, the relapse, and all.

Mom, he's been sober for over a year, okay?

I mean, he does bedtime every night.

Oh, really?

Well, he shows up for, what, a whole ten minutes?

It's not nothing to brag about.

Oh, jeez, look at this. Yuptown USA.

- Hi! - Hi. Come on, Bridgette.

Get inside before they come over here.

Let's get in the house. Come on.

- I gotta go. - Come on, Bridgette.

- You got donuts? - I got donuts.

I got dunkies. Come on.

- Okay, fine. - You know, I got this

new vacuum that's like a robot thing.

I saw it on TV.

It's kinda shitty, but I like it.

It's like magical science.

It, like, follows the dirt around, Bridge,

and then it, I don't know, it just sucks it right up.

I don't know how they do it. It was on sale, like, on the TV.

- That's really cool, Mom. - Thanks.

Um, I have this audition tomorrow...

- Oh, yeah? - I found off Craigslist.

- Mm. - Can you watch Larry at 9:00?

No, 'cause I have to take Joe to the doctor.

We got any more Tostitos?

No, honey, Bridgette ate them all yesterday.

I didn't eat 'em all.

It was just the dust left.

That's the best part.

- He likes the dust. - I'm sorry. Thank you.

Hey, honey, you want me to do lines with you?

No, no, it's okay. It's just a PSA.

No? Are you done with this?

- Finished? - Yeah.

- I'll take it. - Okay, see you later.

All right. Mm-hmm.

I'll meet you at Joseph's then, for sure.

Okay, give me a kiss. Give me a kiss.

Oh, that's a good boy.

Aww.

What are you, uh, opening an Italian restaurant?

Yeah, I might. It's a brand new housemaker.

Are you judging me for that, though?

Curious. Was that... was that a little dig there?

- No. - 'Cause it's a lot of money,

- but it's my money, right? - Yeah, it's your money.

Yeah, you shouldn't be talking to me about money...

- Okay. - Right?

Can you not act crazier than Larry please?

Don't you fucking call me crazy.

Mm.

Have fun with your grandson, okay?

Bye, Joe.

Tell you, the mouth on that kid. You all right, sweetheart?

- Mm-hmm, yeah, I'm okay. - I'll get you some chips.

Larry, come with Tutu. We're doing coupons.

Pray for your baby. Pray for your baby...

- Here comes the swab. - Okay.

All right.

There we go. All done.

Um, where would you say mine falls exactly?

- Like, on the spectrum. - Completely normal.

Um, but I just mean in terms of circumference?

With, uh, general aesthetics,

- uh, just like how... - No...

Vaginas are elastic.

Um, imagine my mouth is a vagina.

- Mm-hmm. - Uh, if I were to

stretch my mouth, like, a million times,

- like, to my ears... - Mm-hm.

... it would always go back to normal.

Yeah, but Larry had a really big head.

Does sex not feel good anymore? Is that what it is?

I haven't had sex since before he was born.

Listen, take my advice. Go out there, have fun.

- Go have sex. - With who?

Just find somebody. Have a great time.

Make sure it's protected.

It's so hard for me to do that.

Okay, I can't have this conversation with you.

- Just have protected sex. - Okay, thank you.

Mm-hmm.

And make sure you do your kegels.

What?

What?

Why would you tell me to do my kegels?

Because you should.

Wait, what did you see up there?

No, seriously, what did you see up there?

Excuse me.

"Houses of Parliament," Monet...

... 1899...

... oil on canvas.

"Houses of Parliament," Monet,

1899, oil on canvas.

Chloe, you're so smart.

Well, I saw it on our trip to London last year.

That's cool.

- Was it fun? - Well, yeah, it was London.