About a Boy

Okay, here we go. Keep going.

What do we got next?

Vice president of sales-- $200,000 a year.

I can swing that one. Circle it.

You don't know anything about sales.

It requires 20 years experience.

You are forgetting how charming I would be

in the job interview. Circle it.

Stop saying "Circle it," 'cause there's nothing to circle.

Circle it. Just circle it and move on.

All right, listen, you don't have experience

to do any of the stuff that you highlighted.

Senior copywriter. Fashion consultant.

Commercial airline pilot? Seriously?

All right, it was a little bit of a stretch.

But to be fair, those planes are on autopilot a lot.

Honestly. - I got to go.

What? Don't go.

I just don't know what happened to the song.

The producer said he liked the hook.

Why did we even hound that guy in the first place?

Listen, it's great... - Oh, I got to go.

But even if he likes it,

it doesn't mean I'm gonna be making any money soon.

I need cash now, even if it means

working one of these boring regular-person jobs.

As a point of reference,

how much does Laurie pay you to watch the kids?

Nothing, because they are my kids.

Seems like a raw deal.

All right.

I, uh...

Oh, what sort of hippie voodoo

is going on in Granola Town today?

Isn't that lovely?

Marcus is learning the maracas.

Okay, you know, I got so many questions,

but I guess I'll just go with the usual.

Why?

Quick, quick, slow.

Show me your hip action.

You like my hip action, Will?

Oh, I can't answer that, Marcus,

in front of people who could later testify.

Okay, Marcus,

tomorrow we'll go over the 2:3 polyrhythm technique.

Isn't it wonderful?

He's doing a musical number at his school fund-raiser.

So wonderful.

We all got to submit our favorite songs.

And mine is definitely gonna win,

because mine is the only one

without the A word, the B word, or the F word.

Thanks, Maureen. Same time tomorrow.

Wait, you're paying her to teach him the maracas?

For your information, sir,

the maracas are a deceiving instrument to play.

Okay, no disrespect, but babies play them.

Yeah, no, you're thinking of a rattle.

And you're thinking that there's a difference.

Wait a minute here.

If people will pay some freak show

to teach them to play the maracas,

imagine what they'd pay to learn how to play a cool instrument,

like the guitar.

Yeah, no offense, of course.

Sorry, Maureen. Mm, all right.

Knock 'em dead, you handsome devil.

Wow, he is handsome.

Oh, uh, hi. No, I was just--

Admiring a picture of yourself.

Yeah, yeah, I got that.

I'm Will. - Emma.

Nice to meet you. - You too.

So are--are you any good? - Come again?

The guitar.

Are you any good?

I'm looking for someone to teach my daughter.

Daughter?

Oh, cool.

Yeah, I'm good. - Great.

Does tonight work? Maybe...

5:30?

That sounds really good.

Let me get you one of these.

Maybe get that laminated.

Right. Will do.

I can't believe you have a middle schooler.

You look very--very young.

Thank you. I do.

And if I didn't have a kid at this school,

it'd be kind of weird if I was just hanging out.

Yeah, yeah.

No, that would be totally... totally weird.

Then strum E minor.

There you go!

You learn those four chords, you can tour Europe.

Just ask Matchbox Twenty.

Cool.

I'm going to Grace's. - Okay.

Thanks, Mr. Will. - You got it.

Bye, honey. - Bye.

"Mr. Will." That's pretty cute.

You're really great with her.

I'm glad the divorce didn't leave her hating all men.

Divorce? I'm sorry to hear that.

Please, don't be.

I caught Tessa's dad with our housekeeper.

I got the house, the Bimmer, and half of everything.

And he got scabies. - Yikes.

You know, um... Would you like to have a glass of wine?

It's expensive.

That was good.

Hello, Joanne... - Hey.

Julia, Rachel. - Hi.

It's Fiona, um, in case you forgot.

We know your name.

Do you? 'Cause I'm never quite sure.

And we certainly know this wonderful man you're with.

Mr. Chris, you are a dream

for agreeing to emcee our fund-raiser.

Oh, it's my pleasure, honestly.

No, you have no idea how grateful we are.

No idea. - Just so--

Yeah, yeah, no, he knows, he knows, he knows.

Thank you. Thanks, thanks.

Well, speaking of the fund-raiser,

we're getting together for a planning meeting tonight.

We'd love for you to join us, Fiona.

Me? Are you--

With you? Uh, really?

Actually, I have quite a lot on my figurative plate.

And I-I-I-- No.

Thanks. No.

Maybe some other time.

What just happened to you?

What? - What?

I think I handled that splendidly.

Yeah, I think that as soon as those moms showed up,

you turned into somebody totally different--

guarded and suspicious.

No, no, no, no. They are gossipy mean girls.

That's what they are.

They are exactly the kind of women

that tormented me in middle school.

And they're only being nice to me

because I am dating the hot teacher.

Calling me "the hot teacher"

makes me feel like a piece of meat.

And I really like it.

You have to understand that there are two types of girls.

There are the girls who judge and the girls who are judged.

Any mistake, any flaw

gets put under the mean-girl microscope.

I can't imagine you having any flaw.

Yeah, well, I was 5'10" when I was 13.

Statuesque.

And I had very thick glasses...

Intelligent.

And a bulky back brace.

This is getting harder.

Listen, you're not in middle school anymore.

Go to that meeting tonight and

show them the Fiona you are today.

Maybe if you embrace some of their ideas,

they'll embrace yours,

giving birth to a wonderful new friendship.

Come here. Mm.

Yeah, you still do have a little curve there, don't you?

Yeah, it's my bump. - I love your bump.

You know, if this guitar-lesson thing doesn't work out,

I know something else you're pretty good at.

You think? Yeah, well, you're not so bad yourself.

For Tessa's lesson.

You think you can do it again tomorrow?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

Tomorrow works, but this is a lot of--

Great. - All right.

I'll see you then. - Okay.

She gave you this much money for

giving her kid a guitar lesson.

Does she not understand

how the system of American currency works?

I guess she--I don't know-- thinks I'm worth it.

After all, I am a celebrity recording artist.

It doesn't make any sense.

What's going on with your hair?

You have sex hair.

And you're drinking a postcoital restorative beverage.

You had sex with that woman.

This is payment for sex. - What?

You are a male prostitute.

What's wrong with you? Give me that.

Look, okay, yes.

I did have sex with her,

but that is not what I was paid for.

It's unbelievable.

You get to have sex with any woman that you want,

and now you're gonna get paid for it.

Again, I was not paid for sex.