Agatha All Along

Agatha Harkness. You have betrayed your coven.

Mother!

No!

I'll tell them where to find you.

Who, specifically?

The Salem Seven.

Who is this child?

-This is my pet. Say hi, Pet. -Hi.

Watch your back with Agatha.

I know how people feel about her.

She probably wouldn't recognize her son if he was at her door.

They say no one knows what happened to him.

What if we summon a backup Green Witch?

- -Surprise.

We've been cursed.

The only way to end a curse is to face it.

I can kill it.

I feel lighter.

What if we just call a truce?

Agatha? That boy isn't yours.

Agatha Harkness.

Find her.

Agatha! Find her. Find them.

Agatha Harkness. Agatha Harkness.

They're coming. We have to go.

-What? -The summoning spell.

We left the door open.

What are you talking about? What did you see?

Go on, Lilia. Tell them.

-The Salem Seven. -

Scary black dresses?

When Agatha killed her original coven...

By stealing their power.

Because her own mother tried to have her executed.

Are you really defending a noted serial killer, you creepy lurker?

Come on, someone finish the story.

When Agatha murdered her sister witches, she spared their young children.

Yeah, and then they became a feral, hive-minded coven bent on revenge.

Whoa, ah!

The moral of the story, kids, is always finish what you started.

Also, mercy is overrated.

All right, everybody, pack up your shit! Let's go!

-Oh, jeez! -That was ahead of us.

- -

-That's behind us. -We're trapped.

What about a hexenbesen?

-Horrible idea. -Absolutely not.

- Yeah! -That's a terrible idea.

-Yes. -Well, if you're all too cool

for a practical means of escape...

- -

-No, brooms are great. - No, no, no.

This is so humiliating. Here.

Why does your generation hate them so much?

Brooms have been co-opted by the holiday industrial complex

as an absurd emblem of our culture.

Worse yet, they're an obvious symbol of female domesticity.

And they're basic.

- Oh. This is so cute. -Thank you.

You could have done better.

It's about selflessness, Teen.

Oh, is it? Tell us more.

We fly together or not at all.

Hey.

-I get one? -If you give me one back, yeah.

Yeah. Let me just... Oh!

-All right, come on! -There you go.

Oh, no.

Get off of him.

Teen, hurry! Just finish the ritual! Finish the ritual!

- We gotta go. -All right. Let's go.

-You okay? -All right. Go, go! Okay.

Whoo!

-Wait. How do you do this? -Keep up, Teen!

Okay. You got this.

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Try praying to the Divine Mother, kiddo!

We got to get off The Road.

Move!

This is incredible.

I haven't done this in centuries.

Why haven't we been doing this all along?

What's going on?

It's The Road. It's forcing us down.

- We're going to crash... - My God!

It won't let us leave!

Oh, my God!

Okay. We're okay.

The next trial!

- -

Oh, my God!

Hurry!

Hurry, go, go, go!

Oh, my God!

Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

We're okay.

No, we're not! The entire Halloween aisle's outside waiting for us.

And it doesn't look like they can get in, does it?

So all we have to do is complete the trial

and continue on before they can reach us. Okay?

How? Kiss, Marry, Kill?

-My spell book. I can't find it. -Where'd you have it the last time?

Flying on a broom.

Forget it. You can take the training wheels off.

Whose trial is this?

Agatha's.

How do you know?

A blood moon.

When the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest.

Wait. I thought talking to the dead was your department.

Oh, common misconception. I read people, I read time.

But talking to spirits was just a con.

And who better to commune with the dead

than someone who's put so many in the grave?

We have to Ouija.

- -

It's not a verb.

Come on. We have to do this.

Uh, Spanish, Chinese...

Ah, English.

Okay. "Number one, do not use the Ouija board alone.

"Number two, do not speak over each other."

It's not written there. Show me that.

"Three! Do not taunt the spirits."

What?

I repeat, do not taunt the spirits.

"Four, do not ask about death.

"Five, always end your session with goodbye.

"Six, do not, under any circumstances, remove your hand from the planchette.

"If you do so, a spirit will be released."

What does it say on the back?

"For ages three and up."

Okay.

Wonder who's waiting for you.

And with what trauma.

Pff! It could be literally anybody. So...

Mother, Maiden, Crone,

spirits be known.

I can hear something. Shh!

Oh, my God, I'm not moving it. Are you moving it?

Is someone here with us

during this Witching Hour?

Yes.

All right.

And who,

may I ask,

do we have the pleasure of communing with?

M, R,

S, H,

A,

R, T.

Mrs. Hart?

Hey, girl, feeling better?

How's your face?

No taunting.

-Your hands. What did you do? -I didn't do it!

-Agatha? -

Oh, my.

What a journey.

There I was, living my tiny life in the burbs,

baking casseroles,

linking in to conspiracy theories on Facebook,

drinking before noon,

and there you were

bringing chills and thrills

and bringing on my own early demise!

Listen, Mrs. Hart...

-She's not Mrs. Hart. -She's Sharon Davis.

I am. I'm Sharon Davis.

-She's Agatha. -Yeah.

What?

She's just scared.

Okay.