Welcome To The Jungle

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Triple welcome.

Basically, Welcome Three.

Dubey, what's with all the drama?

I was welcoming the Minister, sir.

Ramprasad, what's up? All okay?

- How's your party doing? - All smooth.

- Let's go get some tea. - No, no tea.

Hang on.

You guys wait here.

- I'll call you. - Okay, Sir.

Sinha, you're my only friend here.

Since we were kids.

- That's why I'm here to warn you. - Yes.

The opposition has its eyes on businessmen like you

who "forget" to pay taxes.

- So? - So what?

Elections are in three months.

If we come back to power, you can chill.

I'm on your side.

But if they win, even I can't save you.

You're serious, right?

Figure out a fix for all your tax evasions.

Otherwise... you are definitely "coming out."

Coming out of where?

He'll first go in--

For a very long time.

Only then will he "come out."

Take care.

Think about it.

Let's go.

Dubey, this is serious.

Call an emergency meeting.

And get my daughter Jenny on board too.

She's taken your jet to Paris.

Ma'am.

Oh Dad.

Hi.

Who is this?

It's Jenny here.

It's not the phone, it's my hair.

I got it dyed blonde in London.

I've called an emergency meeting.

I've called my CA, my lawyer,

my accountant, everyone.

So get here fast.

Are you making your will in my name, Dad?

Shut up and just get here.

Come on, baby. Let's go.

So guys, here's the situation.

I've got a tip from a very special contact in the ministry.

Who's this "special" contact, Dad?

No, Jenny,

I can't reveal his identity.

You can't reveal his identity,

but you can reveal his name.

I just told you.

You didn't say his name.

I just said I cannot say his name.

His name is Mr. Secret.

Jenny, please.

Where were we?

I was in Kanpur yesterday...

for a hernia surgery. That's why I missed my flight.

I'm very sorry.

Where was I?

On "You can't reveal his identity."

Yes, I can't reveal Ramprasad's...

- What did I do? - Jenny!

So, guys, to get out of this tax mess,

we have to start a new business where we officially show losses.

Then we'll use those losses to wipe out our old profits.

Ideas. Come on, give me ideas.

Let's start a heater factory

for a super-hot place like Chennai.

No one will buy it.

Loss, loss, loss.

Shut up! Shut up!

Dad, we'll build a 10-storey buildings all over India,

and put petrol pumps on the 10th floor.

No one will come.

This is a stupid idea.

All this will take years.

We need something we can start right now.

Dubey... are you going to keep slurping tea,

or say something useful?

In my view, sir, you should make a film.

What rubbish.

Films are making crores these days.

Like Dhurandhar.

They do...

but only the good ones.

Made with real hard work.

You have so many factories.

You own the biggest jewellery store in Dubai, Kanz.

All that was built with hard work and effort.

In the same way, we'll make a terrible film

that definitely flops.

The income tax guys will be stunned into silence.

Dad, why does Dubey keep losing his voice?

When he was born, he was so dark,

his father couldn't tell if it was a baby or a lump of coal.

He tried to strangle him.

That's so sad.

We'll show massive losses.

Then we don't have to fear the tax guys.

Dubey... imagine we make a film to flop,

and somehow it becomes a hit?

- No way that's happening. - Why not?

Because we won't cast mega-stars,

we'll only cast background extras.

How?

Flop hero. Flop villain. Flop script.

Flop technicians. Flop directors.

And we'll blow up the budget.

If they ask for a lakh, we'll pay them in crores.

If they ask for a crore, we'll give them a hundred crore.

That's it.

- Dubey... - Yes?

Don't waste time.

Find me a director who can sink my ship.

- Just like... - Titanic?

Yes.

I do know such directors.

They are too big even for Hollywood.

Not one... but two directors.

Ready. Roll cameras.

Action!

And Rolling…

This will be our first reel that actually hits golden jubilee.

Sorry, sorry...sorry.

Who is it?

Some Dubey is calling.

Hello?

Yes, okay.

All right, done!

What happened, Das?

We just landed a brand-new feature film to direct.

My friend...

Let him in too.

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Meet our directors

Dev and Das.

Hi.

And this is our cameraman, Nainsukh.

Hello. Hello.

Why does he have a thick lens in just one eye?

Because he can't see properly with that eye.

Then why not in the other one?

No point. He can't see at all with that eye.

And his name is Nainsukh?

Why do you even hire a cameraman like this?

- What can we do? - We'll fire him if you want.

You two want to fire me?

I'll make your video go viral.

He's really focused. His eyesight is fine.

What are you doing, Mr. Sinha?

We need people like him.

All right, fine. Thank you.

Thank you.

Who is it?

Who's calling?

Romeo bhai.

Cut it. Hang up.

How many films have you two made?

Fourteen, sir.

Out of their fourteen films, fourteen were flops.

And yet they are busy.

I don't understand.

I'll explain.

There are two kinds of men in this world.

Those who can grow a beard

and those who can't.

- And...? - And what?

You said, those who can grow a beard

and those who can't.

- Exactly. - What is that about?

Those who can grow a beard has two choices.

They can either grow it or shave it off.

But those who can't grow a beard has no such choice.

They can neither grow it nor shave it.

Brilliant.

The whole industry knows he's the real deal.

This is ridiculous.

Thank you.

Fine, I have a question.

How much does it take to make a good film?

At least twenty thousand.

But our budget... is not twenty thousand.

It's two thousand.

Two thousand?

You live like royalty, and your budget is just two grand?

Take it, take it, take it.

Okay, Okay…

But with only two thousand rupees, the movie will be a--

Excuse me!

It's not two thousand rupees.

It's two thousand crore.

Two thousand crore rupees!

Two thousand crore?