The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

A spokesman for a radical fundamentalist religious organization based in Brooklyn

...has hinted that it could be only the beginning.

Hi, honey, you're home!

In a seemingly related story, a Lebanese citizen...

Starting to worry. I wondered where you were.

Get off my back. Hear me?

I just wondered if you had a good day.

Please, get off my back!

Stop screaming!

Fuckin' shut up!

Fine.

Charlotte!

A Miami jury today returned a guilty verdict

in the slaying of abortion doctor Irwin Guffer.

It took the seven-man, five-woman jury

only a matter of hours to find...

Mother!

Get out of my room.

What are you afraid of, huh?

All I'm askin' ya is to be a nice girl.

No big deal, huh?

Even if you weren't a slimeball,

aren't you forgetting that you're married to my mother?

You shut your damn mouth.

- I think you want it. - Mother!

Who the fuck do you think she's gonna believe anyway, huh?

- Jenny? - Shit, either way,

you fuckin' lose, bitch.

Jenny?

Jenny.

One damn word outta your mouth,

so help me God I'll divorce the bitch.

It's what you want, honey bunny? Have at it.

Jenny?

Huh?

If you know what's good for you,

keep your pretty damn mouth shut.

Jenny.

No, Mom, it's okay. Never mind.

You sure?

Yeah.

Shit, what do you need, a sworn affidavit? God.

No, I just thought--

Don't think. You're too damn stupid to think.

Jack.

Oh, that must be Sean.

Hey, answer the goddamn door.

Hey! God!

Hey, Charles, I think you're chasing the wrong tail there, buddy.

Oh, my God! Where have you been? We've been waiting.

The wedding's going on inside.

We need to put you on the top tier.

Don't mind the footprints in the icing.

I'm excited. They look good.

It's like a vest thing. I fucking hate kids.

Miss Abbott, did Barry come through here?

Barry? Oh, Barry.

- Didn't you break up? - No!

Oh, well, never mind. I just thought... Forget it.

She's doing it again.

Miss Abbott, she just does that to make trouble, okay?

It's obvious. It is so...

- What are you talking about? - Obvious.

Don't even listen to a word she says.

She's just trying to make trouble.

All that... All that... All that... All that...

It's just that she's such a bitch!

- Sean, hi. - Hey.

Have you seen Barry?

- Not in a while. Have you? - No.

She was, like, completely naked.

Oh, bullshit.

No, she was spit on all over the place.

It was like a battleship or something, you know?

So I lay her down, we do the whole thing.

- A battleship? - Okay, like a dinghy.

Has anybody seen Barry?

Have you seen Barry?

- Barry! - Oh, shit!

Heather! Shit!

Don't worry about it, Barry. She'll be back.

If that's really what you want.

Heather! Heather! Heather, stop!

Heather! Stop the car!

Heather!

Damn it, Heather!

Heather, you better fuckin' stop this car right fuckin' now!

Damn it, if we have a wreck, it's gonna be my ass!

I don't care.

Slow down, please. I wasn't doing anything.

I don't know what you're so pissed off about.

Barry, I saw you. You were kissing her.

Once. I kissed her once. What's wrong with that?

Come on, it's like I can't even talk to my friends anymore.

I can't believe how possessive you are.

Oh, right. I guess that's why you were feeling her up.

I wonder why.

What am I supposed to do, jerk off the rest of my life?

It's not my fault if you're frigid.

I am not!

Look, guys need sex, okay? It's bad for you

to get all worked up and then not get it.

You can get "prostrate" cancer. Is that what you want?

That's a lie.

Heather, look out!

Heather!

Fuck!

What the fuck is the matter with you?

My father's gonna kill me. Thank you very fucking much!

Shit.

I'm dead. I'm so fuckin' dead right now.

Oh, man.

You can't get cancer from not having sex.

Oh, right. Like you'd know.

You never had a date in your life, you're so ugly.

- She is not. - Shut up, Sean.

He's just trying to make you think it's your fault.

Look, my father's a doctor, okay?

I think I know what I'm talking about, so fuck you, Jenny.

It's true. It is my fault. I won't have sex with him.

That doesn't make it your fault.

Yeah, but what if he gets cancer

and all his hair falls out from all the drugs or something?

It could happen.

Yeah, Jenny, so just shut up, all right?

No, that's just a line to get you to have sex with him.

- Ask Sean. - She's right.

He's never had a hard-on in his life.

I know all his lines.

He lived across the street from me till the eighth grade.

Shut up, Sean.

We were even friends before he got too cool,

so fucking annoying.

Hey, it's not my fault

you turned out to be such a little geek.

He used to come over to my house all the time

and he'd be laughing about all the girls he'd felt up.

His big line was to tell 'em that his father was a doctor...

and that they could get breast cancer

if they didn't get felt up enough.

- Barry! - Okay, I lied. Big deal.

It's not my fault they're stupid enough to believe it.

- What a schmuck. - What's your problem, Jenny?

Just 'cause you hate guys.

He's just tryin' to change the subject.

What are you afraid of? That they might try to fuck you?

No.

It's not like it's a big secret.

- What? - Ask anybody.

You never go to parties. You never go anywhere

unless you're with Sean.

Everybody knows that he's a little pothead

and all you are is friends.

By the way, I know what you're doin' in my car.

You're gettin' stoned.

If my dad smells this shit tomorrow,

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Wait, wait, wait.

I just thought of something so cool.

What if we got into a wreck

and we crashed into a car in front of us and we all died?

They could write a song about it.

Shut up.

- Where the hell are we? - Oh, great. We're lost.

No, we're not. All we have to do is go back.

Look for a place where we could turn around.

Cool dress, Jenny. What's this?

Stop.

What's the matter?

Afraid somebody might find out you have tits?

Barry!

- Girls have tits. - Leave her alone, Barry.

There's no place to turn around.

There's never any place to turn around. This sucks.

These assholes don't know how to make roads.

What was that? Did y'all all see that?

Watch out!

Oh, no. I'm so dead.

- Is he okay? - I don't know.

God!

This is gonna leave a scar.

I'm not hurt. I'm not hurt.

- Oh, shit. - His head.

Oh, my God! Is he dead?

Did he die?

No, he's just passed out. You can tell by his eyes.

Yeah, but he could be in shock. We need to get him to a doctor.

Yeah, right. And keep him warm.

- All right. - How did you know that?

Something bad's gonna happen. I can feel it.

He's gonna die. Look at him.

Do you think it'll start?

I'm dead. Somebody kill me, please.

It's my fault.

If he dies, I'll be a murderer.

We've gotta find someplace where we can call an ambulance.

- I'll go. - Okay, come on.

I'm not stayin' here alone. What if he dies?

Fine, then I'll go with you.

You stay away from me.