Royal Pains

Previously on "Royal Pains"...

Help! Someone please help my brother.

Hang in there, Ian.

I promise you'll get your foot back in a sec.

I'd like to speak to your folks anyway.

They're not around, but, uh,

do you have, like, a card or something?

I've actually been in a lot of pain since the bike accident.

It looks like pancreatitis,

so I'll need to reexamine you at some point.

And I'd like to talk to your aunt

so that she knows what's going...

Yeah, that's fine.

All right, check with the ER in Riverhead then.

Just get back to me, ASAP though, okay?

All right, bye.

Really? Two phones?

You know you're running a hospital,

not a stock exchange, right?

One for hospital business development,

one for staffing.

And one for HankMed.

This one usually stays in the bag though

'cause three phones would look ridiculous.

Plus, you pretty much got the day-to-day

handled over there anyway.

Well, not today.

The bookkeeper dropped off these spreadsheets.

I need you to decipher them, please.

Looks like we're low on retainers.

Oh, my God.

What, business development emergency?

No. Emergency room emergency.

Most of the physicians have come down with this awful summer cold

right when the head of ER is on vacation,

so it's just causing a whole bunch of...

Oh, my God!

Now Dr. Roseman can't make it back

till later today. I gotta go.

I gotta find someone to cover the ER.

I could do it.

You?

Yeah, I could cover the shift.

It took the threat of an international incident

to make you an attending, and that was just on paper.

You're House Call Hank, not Hospital Hank.

For you, I can make an exception.

I'll even give you a family discount.

- Morning, Jeremiah. - Yes, it is.

Any chance you can help me with appointments?

It's just you and me today.

Of course, I've been working on these data tables for hours.

I could use a break.

What?

You just called seeing patients a break.

You've come a long way

since you were isolating yourself in here.

Why is it just the two of us today?

- What do we got? - Male, 30s. Syncope.

Full-thickness forehead laceration.

- Let's go, let's go, let's go. - Clear the way.

Welcome to the ER, Dr. Lawson.

But we usually just let the EMTs bring them in.

Oh, okay. What's your name?

- Barry. - Hi, Barry, I'm Hank.

Let's take a look at this.

When is the doctor getting here?

I am the doctor.

Oh, uh, call me Dr. Lawson.

So what happened?

I was chopping vegetables for a salad.

This new diet is more work than it's worth.

Suddenly I got dizzy.

Next thing I knew, I was on the floor bleeding.

I must have hit the counter on the way down.

Huh. Do you have a history of heart disease?

- Any shortness of breath? - No.

Okay, you said you're on a new diet.

Do you eat a lot of salad?

I do now. I just went vegetarian.

Dr. Lawson, should I call plastics?

No, I can stitch it myself.

I need a 4.0 Vicryl, 6.0 nylon.

My ER is short on physicians.

You need to delegate.

Uh, all right, call plastics.

But make sure Barry's hematocrit is over 30.

Let me know immediately if it's not.

Got it.

Hi, Hank.

Jill.

I can't believe it!

Why didn't you tell me you were coming?

Well, I was gonna call you, but then I saw your name

on the ER board, and I just...

I thought it'd be more fun to surprise you.

Mission accomplished.

Oh, Hank, sorry.

This is Dr. deGroot.

Oh, please, call me Hans.

Hans, nice to meet you.

So what are you doing here?

Well, the foundation had a fundraiser in the city,

and they flew us in at the last minute.

And, well, ever since

they put a picture of Hans and me on the homepage,

we've accidentally become the face of the clinic.

Ah.

And who wouldn't want to open up their checkbook

after seeing a photo of this beautiful woman

vaccinating a baby?

Okay, look, I'm pretty sure that

it's the shirtless shot of you in the rain

that tends to seal the deal.

- Huh. - I gave my shirt to that boy

as a makeshift sling. It was medically necessary.

- Okay. - Huh.

Hey, so, uh, cancel your plans tonight.

I'm trying to get everyone together

for a HankMed family reunion

before we head off on the red-eye.

- I wouldn't miss it. - Good.

And if it's not too much to ask,

I wondered if you could help me

with some antibiotics for the trip back.

I have a sore throat. Probably strep.

Been getting it a lot.

Okay, let me take a look.

Yeah, you do have a low-grade temp... 99.9.

- Any other symptoms? - Just a sore throat.

Okay, I'm just gonna grab a quick culture.

Open up, please.

Great. Wow.

I never thought I would see Hank Lawson

back in the ER.

What brought you in from the cold?

Ah, it's just for today. Long story.

- I'll tell you tonight. - Okay.

- Jill? Oh, my gosh! - Hey!

Aww, my favorite ER taskmaster... hi!

Wow. We need to catch up.

And, Dr. Lawson, we've got an ingrown toenail with paronychia.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Um, here is a script for penicillin,

and I will let you know the results of the strep test.

- Thank you. - Okay.

So good to see you.

So yeah, I'll see you tonight, okay?

All right, great.

- All right, bye. - Bye. Nice to meet you, Hans.

Bye.

Dr. Lawson?

- Dr. Lawson! - Yes, right. Coming.

Hello, Miss Green?

I'm Dr. Sacani from HankMed.

Oh, hi.

Sorry, I got buried in my work,

and I forgot you were coming.

That's all right.

I'm familiar with the experience of being lost in one's work.

What can I do for you?

Uh, I've been feeling...

well, it's my head,

and I... I just feel...

Is your headache sharp or a dull pain?

Uh, dull at the temples.

Just on and off for a few weeks.

What else?

You just feeling sort of, um, achy, tired, sore, weak?

Weak... that's it.

And my wrist started hurting this morning.

Okay, um, we'll start with an exam.

I'll get some vitals.

Dr. Sacani?

Uh, those bottles have scrolls in them,

like the Message Tree from "The Chronicles of Zall."

Are you a C.G. Leviathan fan?

Well, I...

You're obviously familiar with the books.

Uh, very.

There's a book festival in town.

I was thinking of going.

They're gonna have a, uh,

a panel on whether Jazwick is really dead.

Sacerdas saw his death in a vision,

but the visions have been changeable in the past.

I saw that they were doing that panel.

Are you going?

I-I considered it, but, uh...

It's... crowds make me nervous.

Oh, me too.

But I was hoping I could find out

whether Leviathan has finished writing the new installment.

He is as mysterious as his next book.

Even the Internet doesn't know who he really is.

Oh, um, your blood pressure is a bit high,

so we should, uh, keep an eye on that.

In the meantime, I'd like to examine your wrist,

and I'll draw some blood

to check for thyroid irregularities