Clipped

Oh. Oh, okay. There's reception.

I've got two bars.

Oh, my gosh, they're so cute.

There's four pairs left. Should I add them to cart?

Add to cart! Add to cart!

I have to have them.

Oh, shopping online is so darn exciting.

- Don't you think? - Yeah.

I just might wet myself.

Danni, don't do it.

Looks fade. It happens.

We're trying to buy these really cute shortie overalls on eBay.

It's so darn exciting.

Okay. Confirming payment.

Charmaine, do not move my leg.

I will lose cell reception.

All right. Shipping address same as billing.

"Yes." And...

Gone! Signal lost. Why did you sneeze?

I guess I'm allergic to having your ass in my face.

Oh, wait, wait.

It's back. Two bars.

I'm on the site, and...

Oh, my god. They're sold out.

All of them?

Yep.

Bye-bye, cute shortie overalls.

Danni, Danni, Danni, don't do it.

I'll sleep with you.

Jesus, Ben. Are you trying to make her jump?

Jesus. Ben, listen.

You have to get Wi-Fi back in the barber shop.

Yeah, I'm not paying for Wi-Fi

just so you three can spend all day looking at recipes

and clothing patterns and cleaning products.

Do we look like maids from "The help"?

I'm not legally allowed to answer that, so...

My husband likes to be able to text me during the day.

Text you what? Jesus-faced emojis?

Happy-face Jesus, sad Jesus, flirty Jesus?

There is no flirty Jesus.

It's like we're cut off from the real world, all right?

No e-mail, no Twitter, no snapchat, no yik yak, no yo.

We can't get news.

I was a Bill Cosby fan for exactly eight hours longer

than I should've been.

Look, the price only went up a little...

Bup, bup, bup. No means no, Danni.

All right? Girls need to hear that, too.

Don't sexually harass my decision-making process.

I'm leaving early tonight.

You're closing up, a-cups.

Whoa. Busting out the blazer.

Is it middle-school graduation already?

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.

Very funny. You're a regular Bob hope.

Oh, I cut Bob hope's hair once in the '60s.

It was literally one hair.

And for your information, A.J.,

I'm sitting in the owner's box at the big game tonight.

Mo...

Oh, sorry. The owner's box?

That's a big deal. How'd you get those tickets?

Well, it's none of your damn business, Mo,

but since you're being so pushy, I'll tell you.

Hank Damone invited me. Hank Damone?

Like Hank Damone Nissan? From the car commercials?

Not my tempo, fellas.

And yes. Yes, that Hank Damone, all right?

The owner of four Nissan dealerships

in the greater Boston area, two der wienerschnitzels,

and a sun glass hut.

Mo.

Wow, he's huge.

How do you know Hank Damone?

Yeah. Yeah. None of your g-damn business, Mo.

But since you can't seem to keep your nose

out of my tuchus today, I'll tell you.

We're both successful businessmen in the community.

We have ways of finding each other.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I have a question.

Uh, sure.

Who is Bob hope?

No. Mo, Mo, Mo.

Sorry, Aje. When I'm nervous, I get pitchy.

Just give me one more shot.

I'm gonna shoot both of you

if I have to hear that song one more time.

Hey, is Ben really friends with that guy?

I am not kidding. I will do the time.

Okay.

I don't know, Danni.

I don't know if "friends" is how I'd put it.

Friends with benefits?

No. No, no. It's nothing like that.

You know what? Forget it. I shouldn't be talking about it.

How do they know each other?

They know each other from the gym.

That's the last I'm gonna say about it.

But it's not like they actually talk, right?

I mean, it's mostly just Ben tapping him on his knee

to get his attention, right?

They talk to each other all the time.

But that's the last I'm gonna say about it.

Say more.

Hank pees on him.

Do you mean like he doesn't respect Ben's opinion on things?

No. I mean he urinates all over his legs and feet.

But that's the last I'm gonna say about it.

No, no, no.

No, Mo, that's not the last you're gonna say about it.

I'm afraid that's just the beginning.

Somebody get this man a beer, please.

And, now, speak slowly, 'cause I'm taking notes.

Now, please go on.

I-I don't want to tell you guys,

but carrying this around has been killing me.

Oh, please, tell us. For your peace of mind.

And for our personal enjoyment.

Okay. Well, you know how Ben's had a great body lately?

Weird. Okay, continue.

It's because of this old-school gym he joined.

All the guys shower together.

Racing form is down. I'm all ears.

Anyway, Hank and his cronies from the dealership are members,

and when Ben's in the shower with them,

he think they're laughing at his jokes,

but really they're laughing because...

He's peeing on Ben's leg?

That is terrible.

I'm not smiling because of that.

I'm smiling because I'm thinking about candy.

Candy that pees on you while you're in the shower?

I got a cousin Candy in Detroit

that gets paid good money to do exactly that.

Actually, Joy, ball players do it to rookies all the time.

It's like a test of character.

Separates the screamers from the criers.

How does Ben not know

this terrible, terrible thing is happening?

Oh, get out of my head, Candy!

Oh...

Well, for one thing, it's not like he's gonna look down

to see what's happening.

Well, why wouldn't he look down?

You don't look down in a communal shower.

Yeah, the gym shower is a strictly eyes-up situation.

We go to very different gyms.

I'm just saying.

Girlfriend, you don't go to the gym.

Like this body sculpts itself?

How do people live without Internet access?

This is like one of those caveman stories

Buzzy tells about being alive in the '80s.

We're closed.

It's Robin, Rhonda, Rita, and Rosalee.

And Rhonda!

I said Rhonda, you deaf idiot.

Hi. Thanks. Hey!

Hello. Hi.

Aha!

I left my Fanny pack in here.

I did some smart bedazzling.

Ooh, that looks wonderful.

Unbelievable.

Maybe it's a blessing we don't have Wi-Fi.

You stole our slutty hayride summer.

Hey, you snooze, you lose.

Pbht, pbht!

Sorry, Danni.

We needed something to wear tonight.

We're going to denim and diamonds in marblehead.

It's singles' night.

You know what they say... "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."

Yeah! And guess what, we're gonna save a lot of horses.

Ohh!

Yeah!

Wow. One size really does fit all.

There are like six networks around here,

and they're all locked.

But if we worked next door at tattoo U,

we'd have a strong signal.

Well, why don't we just go next door

and ask Travis for his password?

Because then we'd have to talk to Travis.

Well, what's wrong with Travis?

Besides the fact that he's a smarmy pervert?

Lots of things.

Yeah, he's so gross and sexual.

You haven't noticed that?

No, he's very sweet to me. He's generous.

Last winter, he offered me his wood every day.

I never even told him I had a fireplace.

We stand corrected.

I'm gonna go over there tomorrow and ask him for his password.

You think maybe we should explain...

Give a girl a fish, she will eat for a day.

Send her to the pervert next door,

we'll have Wi-Fi for a lifetime.

Oh, hey, Mo.