The Underdoggs

After using their last time-out,

Poly High returns to the field.

Down by three, with three seconds remaining.

This is the last play of the season, folks.

America loves an underdog.

Stat reaper come to.

Watch five-seven, watch five-seven.

- Down. The slept on.

Open, open!

The little guy.

Block, block, block! - Get 'em.

The ones no one believes can achieve greatness.

But you know what they love more?

Motherfuckers who was born great.

Yes!

Motherfuckers like me.

Jaycen 'Two-J's' Jennings.

The birth of a superstar. Shit.

I'm the pick that got picked before all the other picks.

This rookie is special.

Breaking records and laying waste

to all the little bitch-ass, punk-ass bitches

who walked on the field.

Smoked again by Jaycen Jennings.

When he throw that hand out, it's over.

No one in the game

-could play with him. -

Man, everybody love me. Touchdown!

I was more popular than God.

Two-J's!

And worshipped in every living room

and every kitchen in America.

Yeah. But check this shit out.

Once you get to that mountaintop,

everybody wants to see you fuckin' fall.

The notion that people are idolizing

Jaycen 'Two-J's' Jennings, it's ridiculous.

Jennings... And he dropped it!

Has to make that play.

And he went out there and he didn't deliver,

and he hadn't delivered the whole game.

What's he call that stupid dance? The Two-J's?

Why don't you spend more time on the grass than smoking it.

You're young, you're successful,

you're making a lot of money.

How could you screw this up?

He's chasing rings harder than a housewife in Atlanta.

And you know what I say about those housewives,

at least they stayed in one city their whole career.

Where's the loyalty?

But all that irrational-ass hate

teaches you a very valuable lesson.

Never, ever, ever

count on anyone but yourself.

Fuck your teammates, fuck your coaches,

fuck your fans.

Hey, Two-J's! You blow!

Man, fuck everybody.

'Cause at the end of the day,

they're just some mediocre motherfuckas

tryna hold back the true greats from reaching

ultimate mothafuckin' greatness.

That's it for this week.

I'm Jaycen Jennings. Y'all make sure y'all hit

that subscribe button so quick, so fast.

I'm young and I'm old

I'm rich and I'm poor

I feel like I've been on this earth many times before

I call it how it is.

The guy was not that good of a football player.

He didn't care about the game.

He doesn't care about the purity of the sport.

Listen, this is simple.

My top five receivers of all time?

- Very simple. - Man, fuck.

Jerry Rice, Larry Fitz, T.O., Raymond Berry,

and obviously, Randy Moss.

I can't believe anyone could think

that Two-J's is a top-five wide receiver of all time.

I know pornstars that have received more than him.

I wanna see

- actual skills, okay? - The fuck?

I wanna see someone who's in the end zone...

Sick of this motherfucker Chip Collins.

Hashtag, I'm fuckin' you up when I see you.

Hold on. Emoji.

Eggplant emoji.

Lick.

Bitch-ass motherfucker.

Eat a fat baby's dick.

Hashtag, you don't want that smoke.

SSF, Ryan Kaushik's office.

- Yo, it's Jaycen. - Jason Sudeikis?

Mothafucker, it's Jaycen Jennings!

Oh, Jaycen. I didn't know he still represented you.

The fuck?

He's on a call right now. Let me have him call you back.

Man, make it quick. I'm busy.

I'm sorry, he's in a breakfast meeting.

Fuck! When is he gonna pick up?

He's in the bathroom.

Man, have him call me back.

He's talking to his grandma.

You know what, fuck this shit!

Ask for your salary in Dogecoin. I'm telling you...

- What's up, Kaufmoney? - Oh.

Two-J's! My guy.

Uh... You look...

Pissed?

Like somebody's agent

that don't know how to return fucking phone calls.

You were just about to be my next call.

That's bullshit.

You're here now, so...

Mothafucker, we had a plan.

I create a dope-ass podcast,

you get my dope ass a commentary job,

then I get back

in the spotlight again. Do you remember that?

Yeah, of course, I remember the motherfuckin' plan.

But the problem with the plan is that people

say, for no good reason,

that you're a selfish prick

who's impossible to work with.

- That's fucking bullshit! - Well...

Chip Collins.

Don't they hate his ass?

So, actually, yes.

Chip Collins has a hate-love ratio of 50-50. Okay?

Yours is 95-5.

Look, if I were you, I would do some charity work.

Get some positive PR for your brand, maybe, uh...

Why don't you start a school for poor kids

like LeBron, huh?

Fuck LeBron James, and fuck poor kids.

You just need to do your mothafuckin' job

and get me back in the game.

Man, if I were you, I would

reconsider the Dancing with the Stars offer,

- that's a really good deal... - Man, fuck you,

you Harold and Kumar lookin' motherfucker!

- I'm through with this shit. Fuck this! - I'll be right back, sir, I just have to help

- this gentleman. - Look here,

you red vest-wearing, Aladdin-looking mothafucker!

You know who the fuck I am? I'm Jaycen Jennings.

Well known, highly respected, top-five receiver of all time.

- Okay. - Okay.

So, go get my mothafuckin' car, then.

Hey, hey, Two-J's, why don't you just relax, man.

The guy's just trying to do his job.

I don't wanna hear that shit.

Why don't you stay in your motherfuckin' lane

until you win one of these, Tony Gonzalez?

Give me my motherfuckin' keys.

Move, nigga.

Acting like you don't know who the fuck I am.

- Don't worry about him. Fuck you, Gonzalez!

I'm self-made.

Fuck!

Two-J's just got smoked!

Fuck you, Gonzalez! I'm self-made.

Fuck!

Well, look who's back in the news.

My dear friend, Jaycen Jennings.

If we're talking about promising stars

that have absolutely pissed away their careers,

Two-J's, you're giving R. Kelly

a run for his money. I mean, what is...

Mr. Jennings!

You see this fool?

Put your phone away so that we can begin sentencing.

Oh, for sure, my bad.

Mr. Jennings, you've plead guilty to charges of speeding,

reckless endangerment and damage to city property.

These charges warrant that

you could spend five years in prison.

There it is.

But I've decided

that I'm gonna go a different direction.

Thank you, Judge,

for the celebrity treatment. I appreciate it.

This motherfucker.

I'm recommending that you spend 300 hours

of community service with the Long Beach

Parks and Recreations Department.

The fuck?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute, Judge.

I thought I was getting like

some Martha Stewart kinda treatment.

Community service in Long Beach,

that ain't gonna work for me.

You too good for the community that raised you?

Or maybe you just don't wanna go back,

after 20 years of not being home,

in a orange vest and a pooper-scooper.

Oh, shit.

Janine? Is that you?

Freshman year, white American history class?

Where we used to play hide and go get it.

Come on, girl, you can't cut me no break?