Detectorists

They're in that same spot again.

I've definitely found something.

There's something going on.

Is it ready?

Lights on.

Right.

Give me the control.

All right. Gently does it.

I'm lifting off in-a three, two, one.

Up she goes.

How do you make it steady,

stop it going up?

Just let go of the joystick.

Still going up.

Yep. Just try flicking it down.

Still going up, is it?

Yep.

Yeah, that's really high now. How high is it supposed to go?

Well, how am I supposed to know? It's not responding.

How do you make it come down?

Here, let me see.

Can you see it? Only just.

No. No, I'm losing it. It's gone.

No... Yeah, yeah, there.

No.

No, I can't see it.

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!

So, that's it, is it?

It just keeps going until it's in orbit?

How long do the batteries last?

20 minutes.

I thought you said you could fly one of these things?

I never said that.

Well, why did you keep letting it go up?

I was trying everything. It just wasn't responding.

It just kept going up and up and up.

Well, you can tell that to the insurance company.

Why me? Because, Paul, you're the one I thought said

could fly one of these things.

Whoa!

Did you see QI this week?

Yeah.

Never thought I'd say this but I think I prefer Toksvig to Fry.

Controversial.

Well, don't you think she is better?

I'm not prepared to stick my neck out that far, mate.

She's certainly doing a good job.

Big shoes to fill, literally.

Why literally?

Stephen Fry has got big feet.

But she doesn't literally have to wear his shoes.

Well, actually, they've got a rule. They... Who's this?

All right?

Morning. Metal detectors, are you?

You could say that.

Are you one of them? One of the solar people.

Tree clearance. Getting rid of nuisance trees.

That's quite a slogan.

Your life must be filled with joy.

Eh?

Nothing. Not getting rid of this one, though.

Yeah, this one's going. Yeah.

What? Why?

What nuisance is this one causing?

Shadow.

One small patch?

Yeah, you see, the sun, see, it travels through the sky

and that patch covers half an acre in a day.

That's a lot of sunlight all wasted on a tree. See ya.

That's depressing.

Shouldn't we do something about it?

Like what? Save the tree?

Well, shouldn't we?

I mean, we don't want the tree to be cut down.

No. So we should probably try and save it.

So how do you save a tree?

Well, traditionally, you chain yourself to it, don't you?

One of us chains ourself to the tree and the other one goes

and gets the press.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yes, it's a bit embarrassing.

Yeah.

Bat box.

What's that?

Bat box is what we need to save that tree.

Whack a bat box up there, bats start roosting.

Boom. They can't touch it.

Yeah?

Yeah. It's the same as great crested newts.

You can have a muddy puddle, essentially,

but as soon as one of those slippery bastards rocks up,

it becomes a Site of Special Scientific Interest.

Scourge of the developer.

All right, well, you should get on to that, then.

Build a bat box.

Uh. Maybe I will.

Oh, I wish I had a shed.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, mate. I forgot.

What did you do with your tools?

Well, they're in crates in the garage going rusty.

What, you mean you didn't wipe

'em down with an oily rag before you put 'em away?

Well, yeah, obviously. I was being dramatic.

Oh.

I see.

What you got?

Carpet stair rod holder.

Yeah. I've had a couple of them.

Must have been a flight of stairs here somewhere.

Hello?

Toni?

Hi, Kate. What are you doing here?

I don't know which is the front door.

Come down this end.

Oh, don't I need to say something?

Like, to be invited on board.

You're thinking of vampires.

Oh.

Ooh!

Oops. Thanks.

This place is amazing. Thanks. It was my grandparents'.

No way. How long have you lived on it?

About three years. And it makes my dad heave.

He hasn't even got this far.

He doesn't even like looking at it from dry land.

You know he's only ever seen the sea once.

He told me that. Don't expect beach holidays.

I'm not expecting anything.

I'm going to move out of my dad's flat.

I'm going to find my own place.

Why? He likes you being there. Yeah, I know.

That's why I've stayed so long.

He's afraid I'm going to disappear again,

which is I haven't told him yet.

So why are you telling me?

I just want you to know that I won't be around all the time.

I won't be in your way.

You've never been in my way. That's not fair, Kate.

Don't do anything on my account, because I don't even know

if your dad and I are still seeing each other.

Please don't break up with my dad. He thinks the world of you.

Kate... He let Maggie stay because he's a kind and decent guy.

Did he send you here? Yeah.

He said, "Nip down and tell Toni that I'm a kind and decent guy."

No, of course not.

I just felt bad because I'm the one who let her in the flat.

I didn't know who she was.

Look, Kate. I... I don't want to discuss it with you.

Your dad and I will either sort it out or we won't

but I don't need advice or character references, thanks.

I know he's a decent guy, that's why I'm going out with him.

So you've not broken up?

Shut up, please! I don't want to talk about it with you.

I feel like I'm back at sixth form talking about boyfriends.

I'm too old for this.

All right. I'll back off.

I've said my bit.

I just worry about him, you know?

I know.

Huh! I love your ship.

It's a boat, really.

I love it. I'll see ya.

Steve, can I find a safe home for this?

What's that, a porcupine?

Porcupine? You serious? It's a hedgehog.

I thought hedgehogs were flat.

The squashed, dead ones are flat. The live ones are... spherical.

All right, Richard Attenborough.

It's David.

Oh, I'm sorry. Been calling you Andy.

Grab this for me, mate?

Oh, sorry, mate. I'm not actually...

Come on! It's killing me.

Hello.

Hey.

What's in the crate?

Please step away from the crate.

Kate came to see me, did she tell you?

To your place? What for?

To tell me what a swell prince of a guy you are.

I'm not that great.

That's what I said.

She come aboard? Yep.

Did she puke? No.

Turn a pallid yellow? No.

Not hereditary, then.

The reason I let Maggie stay was cos

I don't have any feelings for her anymore.

I could just treat her as a guest, but with you,

I'd want it to be just us.

OK. That's quite sweet.

Yeah? Shall I go on?

See what happens.

Well, that was it, really.

Kate's got her own room. She wouldn't disturb us.

Well, that's not it, is it?

I mean, the thing is, would we disturb her?

Huh?

You know?