The Cleveland Show

Twelve, eleven, ten--

hurry, Jr.!

Wake up! Wake up!

Four, three, two, one!

Happy Black History Month!

This is why you woke us up?

It took me four Budweisers to get to sleep.

You've been pre-partying?!

What's happening?

Is this real life?

Is this gonna be forever?

So how many beers had you had when you agreed to marry him?

Eight.

The Cleveland Show 1x19 Brown History Month Original Air Date on May 9, 2010

I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

I am the greatest!

Thank you, Dylan.

Well, I think it's obvious

that Dylan would make the best Muhammad Ali

on our float in the Unity Parade.

Obama's in the house, y'all!

Stimulus package.

Shut up, Biden.

Give me a cigarette.

Oh, Rallo, I'm so sorry,

but I already promised Hot Wheels

he could play President Obama.

I'm more Barack than you'll ever be,

and more Michelle than you'll ever get!

Ooh, ooh!

The audacity of Hot Wheels!

In the spirit of President Obama,

I'm gonna accept that with a calm,

almost medicated equanimity.

I'll just go ahead and be one of the other black presidents.

Actually, I want to be the first black president.

Who was it?

Rallo, Barack Hussein Obama

is the first black president.

What?!

Washington wasn't black?

No. Jefferson?

No.

If Rutherford B. Hayes wasn't a brother,

I don't know what's up!

Well, who were all the black people voting for back then?

For a long time they weren't allowed to vote, Rallo.

They were slaves.

What?!

Do-Do people know about this?

This is an inexcusable outrage!

I want every black person to listen up.

And that means everyone.

I want you to rise up

and find the nearest white-owned home or business and burn...

Jr., would you like the honor of flipping the switch?

There he is!

What do you think, Donna?

I think black history is American history

and shouldn't be celebrated just one month a year.

I also think I don't want my house

looking like Lionel Jefferson.

Why didn't anybody tell me

about the travesties our people have been subjected to?

Slavery. Couldn't vote.

Condoleezza Rice.

What else don't I know?

A man plants his seed in a woman.

Man, growin' up today.

Our people are making strides.

The Aunt Jemima label is less racist than in days past.

Are you kidding me?

What? I like it

on my buttery pancakes. What?!

Ooh, I could go for some pancakes.

Did somebody say "pancakes"?

Mmm.

Man, you're a fat sellout.

What did I expect from you?

You let your stepdaughter date a white boy,

you let your son date a white boy.

That's impossible.

Me and Ernie are both boys!

That doesn't make any sense.

You work for a white guy.

You ride around all day in a truck with a white guy.

You drink with white guys.

And a bear.

A black bear?

His father was a black bear.

His mother, a kangaroo.

So call him what you will.

Well, your boy Lester's definitely a straight-up racist.

Look at that!

The flag?

Oh, he's just expressing

his rich cultural tradition of dumbassedness.

CLEVELAND JR. Two boys!

Mrs. Lowenstein told me what that flag means.

You're pathetic for being friends with him.

You're worse than Uncle Thomas the Tank Engine.

I reckon I'll take you where these here tracks go, sir.

Thank you, Uncle Thomas.

You're a clean, articulate train.

Just get your white ass on board.

What's that, Thomas?

Uh, uh, choo-choo!

Where you going, sellout convention?

I am going to see my friends, Rallo.

Oh, including Lester, the racist?

Why don't you ask him what he thinks

about Seal and Heidi Klum?

The recording artist who sang "Kiss from a Rose"

from the Batman Forever soundtrack

and the German supermodel I think about

during self-exploration?!

Black History Month!

Where's our White History Month?

Where's our White Panthers?

Where's the White & Decker cordless sander?

You don't have an answer to that, do you?

Lester, how do you feel about Seal and Heidi Klum?

I'm glad you asked, Cleveland.

I don't think a man with his skin

should be with a woman like that.

When you say, "his skin, " do you mean color or texture?

I don't think I like your tone, Cleveland.

When you say, "my tone, " do you mean the tone of my voice,

or the tone of my skin?

I'm too drunk to fully understand what you just asked,

but you're pissing me off.

You and that black mustache of yours.

How dare you judge me by the color of my mustache!

Take this, you honky cracker!

This is for not letting us have more offensive racial slurs

than "honky" and "cracker"!

Someone clean up the trash!

Wait, wait, wait.

Someone clean up the white trash.

Yeah, that's better.

Look, I didn't want to hit him.

But I couldn't let him get away with it, Donna.

Well, all right, old man!

Finally taking the fight to whitey himself.

I didn't know you had it in you.

No, Rallo.

I shouldn't have resorted to violence.

Violence is never the answer.

Unless the question is, "What is never the answer?"

Cleveland Brown?

That's me.

We are investigating a racial incident

which took place at The Broken Stool last night.

Oh, Lester didn't mean anything by that mess.

I'm afraid that's not why we're here, Mr. Brown.

According to multiple eyewitnesses,

you were seen assaulting Mr. Lester Krinklesac.

What?!

Apparently you also referred

to Mr. Krinklesac as a--

ma'am you may want to cover the child's ears for this--

a "honky" and a "cracker."

You make me sick.

You're under arrest.

For what? Hate crime.

A hate cr...?! Wha...?!

I'm gonna call my lawyer.

Uh, Cleveland Brown for Len Stein.

He's not?

He's sitting Shivah for his dead aunt?

He'll be out for two weeks?!

You tell that bagel muncher he's a dead man!

You hear me? A dead ma--

I'm sorry for his loss.

You watch, he's still gonna charge me for that call.

Mmm, check out my man,

all smooth and sexy-lookin'

like Blair Underwood goin' to court in L.A. Law.

Or Denzel in Philadelphia, but the point is,

how dare Lester accuse me of a hate crime?

That's like the Twilight movies

lining up to see a bunch of fat girls.

It's all backwards!

You're a hero, old man.

You wouldn't believe how many white college kids

bought these T-shirts.

Let me see that?

Hanes Beefy Tees? How much?

$20. All right.

Give me two for 35?

I want to get one for my wife.

Yeah, I'll give you two for 35.

You got a woman's large?

Look, there's Lester now.