The Good Place

- So Aristotle was Plato's student.

And Aristotle believes that your character is voluntary,

because it's just the result of your actions,

which are under your control.

For example, right now,

you have made the insane choice to ignore the person

who is literally trying to save you from eternal damnation.

- No, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening.

Uh, I just...

are we sure we should be paying attention to these guys?

Are we sure we should be paying attention to these guys?

It's like, who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics?

Plato.

Uh, coming!

Uh, we're just... kissing.

And groping?

What?

Hello.

Tahani.

Hi. What brings you here?

- You know, I was just, uh, in the neighborhood.

Do you get it, Eleanor?

Because, you know, we're all in the same afterlife,

so, you know, I'm always in the neighborhood.

So, you know, I'm always in the neighborhood.

Do you get it?

And I do, and it's delightful.

Anyway, this is for you.

Just a housewarming plant.

It's a little reminder that if there's ever anything

that you need, I am right next door.

How could I possibly forget?

Have a great day, Tahani!

Oh, all right.

- Ugh. Tahani.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Even though we all arrived here at the same time,

here's some dirt I put in a bowl because I'm amazing.

Here's some dirt I put in a bowl because I'm amazing.

- I thought it was kind of a nice gesture.

Oh, Chidi.

It's a total con. I see through her little act.

- Her act of being a nice person who brings you gifts?

- Bingo. - Okay.

I'll... I'll remind you that you're trying to learn

how to be a good person.

Maybe you should return the favor

and bring her something.

- Oh, so now I'm supposed to be nice and make friends

and treat her with mutual respect?

Yeah.

- That exactly what she wants me to do, Chidi, wake up!

- That exactly what she wants me to do, Chidi, wake up!

- That... that's what everyone wants everyone to do.

Hello, Chidi.

No frozen yogurt for you this morning?

- Oh, uh, no, just, uh, doing some reading.

Ugh, been there, brother.

Workin' hard or hardly workin', am I right?

Hump day.

Uh, sorry.

Janet's functioning as my assistant,

but she's a little stiff, so I've been trying to get her

to be a little more casual and conversational.

To be a little more casual and conversational.

I'll have what she's having.

It's a work in progress.

Listen, Chidi.

I've been studying your file.

You're a very interesting case.

You essentially only did one thing while you were on earth.

You thought and wrote about ethics.

- Yes, I spent 18 years working on my manuscript

called "Who We Are and Who We Are Not... colon...

"Practical Ethics and Their Application

in the Modern World... Semi-colon... a Treatise..."

Yes, yes, yes, that's the one.

That's the one.

I think you should experience new adventures.

I think you should experience new adventures.

You know, do things that you haven't done on earth, right?

So why don't we meet tomorrow

and try out some new hobbies.

Uh, why not?

I'll... I'll see you guys tomorrow.

- Not if I see you first. Where's the beef?

I don't know. - Hump day.

Hello, Eleanor.

Jianyu, darling, look, it's Eleanor from next door.

Is he asleep?

- Yeah, there's really no way to tell.

Come on in.

Come on in.

What brings you to our home, my dear?

- Well, I'm simply repaying your kind gift

with a housewarming gift of my own.

Fresh pears.

It's a plant, just like your gift,

but you can actually eat them.

So maybe it's a better gift.

Who's to say? - That's so kind.

However, in, um, Chinese culture,

pears are actually a symbol of bad luck.

And... and I wouldn't want to offend Jianyu,

so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to

throw these in the garbage.

But do come and sit down.

We haven't even had a chance

We haven't even had a chance

to discuss all of the mayhem in our neighborhood yet.

It's so disconcerting. - Yes.

What do you think is causing it?

Oh, I'm sure I don't know.

But we must keep our heads up.

In fact, tomorrow I'm actually going door-to-door

to make sure that every single person

in this entire neighborhood is keeping calm

and carrying on.

'Cause I think that helping others will make me feel like

I truly belong here, you know?

- Here's a brainstorm, why don't I go with you?

I mean, I would love to do my part to help the neighborhood,

I mean, I would love to do my part to help the neighborhood,

not to mention, get a little bonding time with you, lady.

Oh, hurrah!

Such fun.

- I'm telling you, Tahani's out to get me.

What are you talking about?

- This note was slipped under my door yesterday.

It has to be Tahani.

She just said to me, "I want to feel like I truly belong here."

Well, where have I seen the word "belong" recently?

Oh yeah, kaplow!

- I really don't think she's the type of person

who would write this.

Who would write this.

- She is that kind of person and she did write it.

She wants everybody to think she's such a perfect princess

just 'cause she's tall and glamorous and has

cappuccino skin and curves everywhere...

And now I'm complimenting her.

And kind of turned on.

The point is, she straight up sucks, bro.

- Whoa. - Typical Tahani.

Brings us a faulty plant so she can brag about

being a better gardener.

- No, I think this is another way in which

- No, I think this is another way in which

your negative actions affect this world.

This plant represents your relationship to Tahani,

so when you're mean to her, it starts to wilt.

- Well, then this plant is doomed,

because tomorrow, I'm going with her and I'm gonna prove to you

and to everyone that she is secretly a two-faced,

calculating, phony bench.

Hmm. Yeah.

Truth hurts, doesn't it, plant?

- So all I want to do is just check in,

see how everyone's holding up.

Just bring some cheer to these extraordinary people.

Cool.

So tell me about yourself.

I mean, I want to hear it all, girlfriend.

The good, the bad, the really bad,

the embarrassing, the humiliating, just... let's bond!

- Okay, well I was born in Pakistan,

raised in London, schooled in Paris, but I think

the primary reason that I'm in the Good Place is that

I raised quite a lot of money for non-profit groups.

Oh.

Oh.

Did you ever, uh, skim a little off the top for yourself?

Gracious, no, no!

Every penny was accounted for.

And as I raised nearly $60 billion,

there was quite a lot of pennies.

- But I also dabbled in some other professions.

I was a model, a museum curator,

an "It Girl," and...

oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while.

That was quite fun.

- Modeling? That's a crazy life.

Want to tell me about that rock bottom you probably hit?

- Oh, I didn't really do it for long.

Couture just doesn't fit my body.

I'm cursed with ample bosom.

I'm cursed with ample bosom.

And yet you soldier on.

Oh, this is silly...

So "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic.

And "Al-Jamil" means "beautiful,"

so my full name altogether means...

"Congratulations, Beautiful."

- Thanks, Eleanor. You big flirt.

Hey, babe, got you coffee.

Oh, great.

Oh, Andy's Coffee, uh, we shouldn't go there.

Everybody's boycotting.

- Yeah, I know that one guy found a scorpion in his latte.

I don't really care, though, 'cause it's so close to here.