Skins

I met a girl I like today. She's like... beautiful.

Emily Fitch...

Emms, you oughta spruce up, yeah? Get some decent threads like Katie.

Katie Fitch...

Well, here it comes. She tried to snog my sister at middle school.

Naomi Campbell...

People tell lies about me.

Jonah Jeremia Jones...

Prestissimo!!

James Cook...

Pandora Moon...

Bonkers!

Elizabeth Stonem...

Maybe we could get to know each other.

Fill in the form. First one to fill it out gets to... get to know me.

Grab my balls...

Grab my balls... Grab my balls...balls.

If you like to gamble

I tell you I'm your man

You win some lose some

It's all the same to me

Wah wah wah wah wah

Wah wah wah wah wah

Wah wah wah wah

The pleasure is to play

Makes no difference what you say...

Get on home...

I don't share your greed

The only card I need is

The ace of spades, the ace of spades...

Dude, calm down a bit. It's like five o'clock.

Neighbours hasn't even started yet.

Sorry. Actually, no, not sorry.

I'm so fucking stoked, man.

I'M 17 TODAY!

That's an event horizon, that's a milestone.

Isn't 18 traditionally the age...

Fuck tradition.

Just hope some people turn up.

They'll come.

You invited half the college.

All I know is that it involves my dick getting damp.

What are you looking at, you posh student bastards?

Fuck off back to playgroup.

Fucking wankers, come here. Come here...

Come on, leave it. Forget 'em.

Ah, we're here.

Best pub in the west.

Hello boys.

All right, Christina.

Ay, ay lads, here's the birthday boy.

Did you do all this?

Took me a long time, a good forty, forty five minutes.

Ooh.

You all right?

Touch of pain in the privates, it's the old whore wound.

Nothing I can't handle.

Oh, these are me boys, Freddie, JJ. Boys, this is Uncle Keith.

Hello.

Pull my finger!

You dirty old bugger!

If you'd be so kind, Christina?

Right you are, big boy.

And when I woke up, the pool was three feet deep in piss.

Mum, I shouted, don't jump in! But it was too late.

So, you and the Buxton Rovers under 21s managed to do that in one night?

Just me, the lads, and a shit load of all-inclusive mild.

And they never pinned it on me.

Plus, you got to remember, this was 1962.

I mean, Pontin's was a fairly permissive place back then.

Bit like Afghanistan in the '70s.

But with the Krankies and slightly more Taliban.

Tell that one where you hit Bob Dylan over the head

with a box of fish fingers.

Another time. I've gotta go and see a man about a dog.

A dog filled with drugs.

See you boys. Oh, happy birthday, Cookie.

That, my friends, is what you call a legend.

To who, exactly?

What?

Who is he a legend to?

Me.

Blokes in pubs. Christina.

People.

I think the guy's crazy.

Exactly man. Exactly.

Same again please, Christina.

Wey!

Look, man. Look at that. Quality totty. That's top shelf shit.

Guys, guys, hey baby...

I'm so happy to introduce you to my legendary night out

in celebration of my birthday.

Apart from you.

But I...

What are you doing here! You burnt my house, man! Get out!

It was an accident. I'm sorry...

What the fuck!

I'm 17 today, so all bets are off. Do what the fuck you like.

Flush your mates down the toilet. Eat grapes off each other.

Smash speakers over your heads.

If partying's a crime, who's gonna get arrested first?

LET'S GO FUCKING MENTAL!

Way hey hey hey hey!

Party people!

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

And so say all of us.

Thanks man, thank you very much.

What's next?

Oh, yeah. More drinks! More drinks!

More drinks! More drinks! More drinks! More drinks! Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah...

He's fun.

You have no idea.

He's already had half a bottle of vodka.

Really? How crazy!

Ha ha ha. Yeah!

Tequila! Who's in?

Yeah... OK.

Anyone else?

Yeah, go on then. Yeah.

Airwolf.

Let's go, man.

Awoo!

Awoo!

Awoo!

Awoo!

Awoo!

Awoo!

Awooooooooo.

Awooooo!

Awooooo.

Hey, Cook. Do you wanna see your birthday trick?

Lay it on me, magic man.

One pint of normal drinking water.

You'll like this one. I've seen it before.

What? He does magic?

Wow!

Shazam, motherfucker!

Cook, what you doing?

That's minging.

What is wrong with you?

Yes! Come on!

Someone's been drinking...

milkshake?

Strawberry milkshake. Am I right?

Yes. How did you know?

Ah, am I ninja, or am I not a ninja?

Christina, we've had rejection.

We need a bucket, a mop

and 16 shots of tequilaaaaaa!

Oh, great, it's the lesbian come to gay us up.

Shh... I've told you to fucking... Just leave it, ok!

Um. Hi, everyone.

Hi.

Want to know a secret?

What?

I know the cure.

The cure for what?

It's my cock.

What the hell are you talking about?

Hey, look what I made.

Cake! Top, man, fucking top!

It's double chocolate chip cookie.

Cheers, girl. Mmmm.

Cake. My cake! Mine!

Fucking good, man...

Thank you, man.

Uh!

You OK?

Yep. Totally cool. Just a bit...

you know, full.

Can't believe you ate the whole thing.

Someone had to get this party started.

Party? Do you call this a party?

Where's the conversation?

Where's the dancing? Where are the men?

We're men.

You're boys.

Do you want to measure my dick? It's daddy-sized.

So you lot think this party's shit, yeah?

It's a little bit...

It could be...

It's shit.

Shit.

Something's got to happen, man.

Something big.

Come on, man.

I'm ready! Just tell me when.

Give me a sign!

Oh, yeah! Yeah! Thank you, man...

What?

But where are you, I can't hear...

I don't have anything, OK?

Who is it?

My sister, Karen.

Tell her I said hi.

No, I haven't got anything, OK?

You'll have to find your own. No, I don't have any drugs! Bye.