The Big Bang Theory

English Subtitles. The Big Bang Theory S09E06 The Helium Insufficiency

Leonard...

I've got terrible news.

What's going on?

Before I tell you,

perhaps I should soften the blow.

You're face is pleasingly symmetrical.

Just tell me.

A Swedish team of physicists

is trying to scoop our super- fluid vortex experiment.

Oh, well, that kind of stinks.

“That kind of stinks”?

Why aren't you more upset?

Did I soften the blow too much?

Because this here is more like a Picasso painting.

What are we going to do?

Perform the experiment immediately.

I'd love to, but we need liquid helium

and our shipment's on back order for a month.

A month? What? Are you kidding me?

That would have been a good time for you to soften the blow.

That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.

Thank you. Aren't you sweet.

Let's go check to see if the university

has any helium in reserve.

Did you know that I almost didn't wear this shirt today?

Hey, Barry, we're in trouble.

We need liquid helium-- does the department have any we can use?

Sorry, there's a shortage.

And what we do have I need for my quantum excitation study.

But you won't need much for that.

True, but if it's successful,

I'm having a party with balloons.

Come on, Barry, there's a Swedish team

trying to run our experiment before us.

Can't you spare any?

Be honest-- if the shoe was on the other foot,

would you do this for me?

Yes. No chance.

What are you doing?

He said be honest, so I was honest.

Didn't your mother tell you? It's the best policy.

So, what do you say?

Hell no.

He could've softened the blow.

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Why do you need Kripke?

Why don't you just go to Party City for helium?

We'd have to go to every Party City in California.

Sounds like you on Cinco de Mayo.

Hey, people were still talking about that party

on siete de Mayo.

Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us,

I will never be able to enjoy

anything from their country again.

Which is a shame, because Swedish meatballs

are my favorite toothpick-delivered meatball.

If you need liquid helium so bad, I know a guy

who can get you some, if you don't ask too many questions.

Who is he? Where does he work?

How does he get the helium?

How many questions are too many questions?

Maybe he's not for you.

Four questions. There answer's four.

Hey, you know who went out

on a date the other night? Stuart.

Oh, good for him.

I thought so, too.

So is she, like, homeless, or framing him for a crime?

He's using some kind of dating app on his phone.

Oh, which one?

Maybe we can get Amy to try it.

I don't know.

Stuart, can you come in here?

He tried to explain it to me.

It shows you pictures of people nearby,

you swipe them around, it looks kind of like a game.

Oh, and if you lose the game, you have to go out with Stuart.

What's up?

Can you show us that dating app?

Oh, yeah, sure.

This thing has changed my life.

Wow. So how many girls have you met?

Two.

I probably don't need to mention

there's an entire number between that and zero.

Well, so how does it work?

Uh, well, it-it shows me all

the single women in a five-mile radius

who are using the app.

If I like the way they look, I hit “thumbs up.”

If I don't, “thumbs down.”

Oh, what would make you give a girl a thumbs down?

First time it happens I will let you know.

Oh, hey. I just heard back from the liquid helium guy.

What's he say?

He's got what we need and can meet us tonight.

Oh, really?

You know I don't like buying things at night.

January 7, 2009.

I went to the Ralph's at 11:30pm to pick up

Cracklin' Oat Bran for the morning and what did I see?

The man restocking the cereal shelves.

That's right. And what did he do?

He handed you the box directly and called you Stretch.

It's like it was yesterday.

Do you want liquid helium or not?

Of course I do.

I don't want that Swedish team scooping us.

Then I'm going to tell him we're in.

Leonard, wait. This is highly unethical.

We're just bending the rules a little.

We have grant money to do the experiment,

so we're going to spend it on the helium we need.

It's not like when Dr. Goldfarb

claimed he bought an electron microscope

and he was really just keeping

a Russian girl in an apartment in Van Nuys.

Was she helping him with his research?

Sure.

So, are we doing this?

Okay, but where does he get the helium?

Remember? Don't ask too many questions?

Uh, but this is violating university code.

A little, but...

if I may quote Einstein,

“The pursuit of science calls us

to ignore the rules set by man”"

Huh.

All right, do it.

Tell him we're in.

Done.

I can't find that quote on the Internet.

Did you make that up?

Before I answer,

may I just say your skin has never looked better.

Aren't you just made of sugar.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Oh, come on, just let him put the app on your phone.

Yeah, Stuart got two dates with it.

One of which would've ended in sex had she not said no.

Okay, all set.

Okay, let me see.

Nope, nope,

nope...

Oh, he's cute!

Doesn't a teardrop tattoo

mean he murdered someone?

And he's sad about it.

Hey. Hello.

Hey. Hey, I thought you were gonna be out late?

If you wanted me to stay out later,

you should've given me more spending money.

What are you guys up to?

We put Amy on a dating app,

and we're seeing what's out there.

Oh, fun! Let me see.

Uh, no...

no, uh, definitely not.

What was wrong with that guy?

Uh, he's Indian.

We've already got one of those.

Ooh, we should find a nice Latino.

It really round us out.

Hey, I want to try.

Uh, excuse me, c-can I have my phone back?

Hang on, I'm trying to find you

the next great love of your life.

The man who will father your children.

Okay, yes or no on white guy with dreadlocks?

That must be him.

Oh, of course.

An nondescript, white panel van.

You may be familiar with it from the sentence:

“Their bodies were found in a nondescript, white panel van”"

Hey.

What's up?

Uh, I'm Leonard.

This is my friend-- I'm Skippy.

Skippy Cavanaugh.

Great.

You got the cash?

Uh, yeah, uh, right here.

Wait, hold on, hold on.

How do we know that you're not gonna

take the money and drive away?

What ya doing, Skippy?

Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas have taught us.

You give us the helium first.

Oh, how do I know you're not gonna

drive away without paying me?

Guess I'm not the only one

who watches '70s television crime dramas.

Look, you can trust us.

We're respected scientists.

Well, he is.

I'm a wedding planner,

who can't find love himself.

It's ironic, but the point is

we can't trust you.