The IT Crowd

What is Friendface ?

Friendface is a great new site for meeting people.

How does it work?

Friendface works along the same principle as a cold or a plague,

but it's not disgusting germs that Friendface spreads, it's friendship.

Each Friendface page is like a petri dish filled with friendship germs.

When you stick your face into the dish, you may come away with millions

of people attached to your face!

That's right, it's basically a diseased face of friendship!

Just sign up with Friendface, by giving us all of your personal

information, and we'll provide a web page where you can meet new

friends, catch up with old ones, and maybe find that special someone.

Don't think about germs now, that analogy's over.

Now it's just love and companionship, and everything's fine.

We own everything you put on Friendface,

it says so in the terms and agreements, but don't worry,

we won't use it to do anything bad, we promise.

Just think about love and companionship and everything's fine.

Friendface. Friendface.

FriendFace.

THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE.

Can you two not use my email address any more please, I've got a new one.

Right.

Jennywenny@Friendface?

Oh, no, you've not signed up with Friendface have you?

Yes, I have, actually. Why not, it's great.

I joined last night, and I've already got 30 friends.

Baaaaaaa! Yes, let's all join Friendface

and become part of the herd. Ha! I don't think so.

Why not? They're terrific!

You can catch up on old friends, you can flirt with people.

I think I've got better things to do than to talk to friends

and flirt with people, thank you.

You can play Scrabble online with it.

It's just another way of shoving

advertising in your face, Jen. Don't do it, you'll regret it.

It might be a great way to meet women. All the girls on 7 are on it.

I'm in.

What?

I've joined.

That was quick!

It was what you said about Scrabble. I'm in a game now.

I'm in!

What?

I've joined!

What about the advertising?

Oh, advertising doesn't have any effect on me, Jen.

I tune it out. So, er, the girls on 7, Kimberley, she's on this?

Uh huh.

Ah, cool, look! They've got this great game on their home page.

You have to throw a little can of cola into a giant mouth.

That's brilliant.

God, I'm so thirsty.

Listen, I've got to have a word with you, oh, hang on.

Jen, you can change your setting on Friendface

so you don't have to have that annoying bleep

every time you get a message.

Incoming message!

Sorry, that's me.

Yeah, I just have to tell you about, oh, hang on.

Yep, Jen, just open a chat window and then we can all talk in it.

How do I do that?

You just press the speech bubble in the left hand corner.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Oh, yeah, but don't forget if...

What are you like?

If I might interject.

Oh, Moss.

That's hilarious.

That was a classic Moss line.

Yeah.

I love this.

I feel so social.

All right Jen I'm going to go home now, it's nearly half seven.

I'm just answering all my Friendface messages, they sort of piled up.

So many people I don't care about getting in touch, it's brilliant.

Oh, there's another one,

and I'm getting into online games, you know, real brain teasers.

And I'm filling out a form on how much I love Cuke, have you tried it?

Cuke, yeah, I love Cuke, it's heaven in a can.

Anyway I'm going to head, all right. Jen, don't get too obsessed by that.

No, I won't. Bye, Moss.

Oh, someone's added me as their friend,

I went to school with her, I wonder how she's doing?

Oh, not very well. That's good.

Incoming message.

Jesus Christ!

I mean, Jesus Christ.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Excuse me, some of us are trying to sleep round here.

This woman that I went out with once wants to meet up again.

Oh, I thought I got rid of her, but oh, no, she found me on Friendface.

Now I'm going to have to spend all afternoon

trying to make up lies of how to get rid of her again.

Oh, I think that is very mean,

if it were me I would like to know the truth.

That you wear way too much makeup.

I do not!

That's a horrible thing to say, how dare you.

Not you Jen, this girl.

Oh, does she?

Big time.

Did you sleep with her?

No.

It wasn't my fault, I got really drunk to try and

make the evening pass quicker, and then by the end of it

the makeup thing was actually starting to work for me a bit.

Oh, please.

I'm not proud of it Jen, it's not going on my CV,

but every man has a story like this.

This is not the first story you've told me like this.

Every man has a few stories like this.

Oh, no!

She used to slap it on with a trowel.

God, why don't women have the confidence to know that less is more.

Then, when she started crying

it all ran down her face, it was like breaking up with The Joker.

Hang on, she was, she was that upset, she was crying?

It sounds like you really hurt this girl's feelings.

The least you can do is tell the truth, be a man for God's sake.

Whoa, don't, hey, I am a man.

I will tell her, I will email her.

No, you have to tell her face to face.

The hell I do.

This is a fragile young woman, what if she reacts badly?

That's exactly why I'm doing it on email.

No, you have to tell her the truth and you have to do it face to face.

Do I?

My mum's on Friendface, my mum!

It's opened up another channel of communication with my mum.

Isn't that good?

No, it is not good. She's put down her current mood as sensual.

Ooh.

Why didn't you just not accept her as a friend?

Are you an animal?

I can't turn down a friend request from my mum.

Message for me.

Oh.

I am eating my apple, mum.

She packed me an apple this morning and it's the issue of the day.

I have to go, I'm meeting an old school friend for lunch.

Isn't it great the way Friendface brings people together?

Nanny's chasing the dog around, all the kids are screaming,

absolute bedlam, and here's me

going to a meeting with the major shareholders.

My life is an absolute nightmare.

Yes, yes, mine too.

So what about the other girls, what are they doing?

Elaine is head of marketing at Dennis Publishing.

OK.

She's married to the editor of Esquire.

Is she?

Veronica is in A&R with Arista,

her big embarrassing story is she passed on Arctic Monkeys.

Idiot.

Jilly is an architect, designing a new wing on The Tate.

Jilly, Jilly Spencer?

She used to eat the wood on her desk. I always thought she was slow.

She's a genius.

Wow, everybody's doing great.

Yeah.

So what about you, Jen?

What are you up to?

What am I up to?

Yeah. Oh, god, I hope that's not a rude question.

No, no, no, no.

It would be awful if I just listed all our successful friends

and you were stuck in some terrible, dead end job you hated.

Oh, god, that would be an absolute fucker.

No, no, I'm Head of IT at Reynholm Industries.

Oh, I didn't know you were interested in computers.

Interested is not the word.

MOBILE RINGS

Sorry.

Hi, babe.

You didn't have to call just to tell me that,

no I can't,

I'm in public. Stop it.

Yeah, of course I'm wearing it.

Can I have another one, please?

Hi, Roy.

Hi.

Roy, do you have any

attractive, successful-looking friends?

No.

What, none at all?

No.

Oh, god, well maybe you could help me then.

Wow, that's flattering. Are you pissed?

A little bit. Could you come to a school reunion with me

and pretend you're my husband?

Do you really think that you can quiz me for a better option

and think I'll still say yes?

I'll give you £50.

When is it?

Tomorrow night.

I sort of bigged myself up to this girl, she never had much

time for me at school and I wanted to impress her so, I need a husband.