Not Suitable for Work

Kel, I have to talk to you.

- It's 6 a.m. - Yeah, I know.

My boss Paula has made me come in early all week

to transcribe the 1988 Democratic National Convention.

TGIF, right?

Did you wake me up to make small talk?

No, I...

I slept with AJ.

- Last night? How? - No, in college.

- Again, how? - How?

The same way I pulled all the baddies in college.

I blew her mind during a Model UN competition.

Oh, Jesus, AJ did that nerdy shit, too?

It's not nerdy. It's prestigious and cool.

Samuel L. Jackson did Model UN.

Okay, this is not up for debate.

Yeah, debate was for losers.

Okay, stop. Do you have feelings for AJ?

No, I never had feelings for her.

I didn't even remember hooking up until she reminded me.

- Okay, so this is nothing. - Yeah, I agree, so I have to tell Davis.

Wh... no! Absolutely not.

- He likes her too much. - I don't like secrets.

- Journalists are built different, man. - No, no.

Remember, we didn't invite Davis to our high school reunion.

Now, he doesn't even like it when we hang out without him.

Kel, I have to believe in a world

where people can change and mature.

It's Friday, fuckers!

What are you guys talking about?

- Hey. - Hey.

I'm excited for our dinner tomorrow night.

I'm making this recipe from Bon Appétit.

I don't have a subscription, so it goes blurry

after the ingredients, but I'll figure it out.

Oh, that's a lot of effort.

- Mm. - Thank you.

- Uh, what should I bring? - Nothing.

This is a thank you for being you.

Just bring yourself. That's enough.

- I'm enough. - What?

- Hm? - Oh, do you have any allergies?

Nah, nah.

Only thing bro's allergic to is bad vibes.

Good. I hate when guys have allergies.

They're so annoying.

Totally. It's a choice.

Right.

- Dinner's at 7:00. - Classique, huh?

Not too early, not too late.

Hey, who fucked with the value comps on the Yarn Barn board deck?

I did.

I just noticed they excluded Michael's and Etsy, which are better comps

and make Stanson's offer look more conservative.

Okay, but you have to tell me before updating a live deal.

I've been hitting your Slack all morning.

I'm right there, in my office.

You said if anyone fuckin' bothered you,

you'd fuckin' eat our fuckin' faces.

Fine. Whatever. Good catch.

Hello?

Bill Gibson?

- Where is Bill Gibson? - Oh, hey, Catherine?

Hey, what are you, um, what are you doing here?

- What am I doing here? - Yeah.

What are you doing here? It's our anniversary,

and you left without saying goodbye.

I have to work, Catherine.

I am not a Romanian prince like your last boyfriend.

Enough about your stupid job. I have been up since 4:00.

Right? Planning a whole elaborate morning

and there was gonna be chilaquiles and sex and...

Uh...

Well, I guess that's it, but both of those would have been mind-blowing.

Facts.

Thank you.

Hey, I am really sorry, but can we talk about this in my office, please?

No, actually. We're done.

My heart cannot survive on luxury travel

and designer bags and orgasms alone.

- Here. It's yours. - Oh!

Whoa.

Okay, look, I... I cannot talk to you

when you're acting irrational like this.

- Irrational? - Yes.

You want irrational?

Oh, uh, hey, hey, hey.

Whoa! Hey!

I'm actually gonna take that, sell it on eBay.

Get to work.

Whoa.

Good morning.

No, I need the LV shoes we put Austin in

from the shoot yesterday back, ASAP.

Yes, on it. Where are they?

Austin asked to wear them to Kid Cudi's birthday party.

I don't know. I said yes. You have to go get them back.

Those shoes need to be on a plane to Milan at 7 a.m. tomorrow

for a photo shoot with Pharrell.

Okay, okay.

It'll be okay. I will text Austin now.

What are you writing? You cannot fuck this up.

"Hey, we need those LV shoes back ASAP!" Good?

Terrible, but there's no time.

I need this fixed, Abby.

Okay.

And? What'd he say?

- Abby, what did he say? - No problem.

I'll drop them at Vanessa's myself because I want to respect the friendship.

That being said, the offer to hook up still stands.

- Why are you smiling? - Hm?

- What did he say? - Oh, sorry.

He says yes.

I knew he would.

Why are you still standing there?

Okay.

Theresa, yeah, Catherine is getting her shit out of the apartment,

so find me any five-star hotel near work.

No, not the Bowery.

I don't need to see, like, Jared Leto at the ice machine.

The Greenwich?

Yeah, fine.

For what it's worth, I think only our team saw

the chilaquiles incident,

and maybe some of mergers and acquisitions.

Jesus Christ.

You want some advice?

Yes. Let me open my Notes app.

Never be in a relationship.

- Okay. - Yeah, no one gets our lifestyle.

I mean, they want the perks... The fancy dinners,

the Hamptons, the floor seats.

But they hate every sacrifice we make to get 'em.

I get it. That's so smart.

- Don't be in a relationship. - Anyway.

Uh, hm, I guess I will be spending the weekend

drinking wine in a hotel business center.

Hope you have better plans than that.

I'm actually throwing a dinner thing tomorrow night.

You could swing by if you feel like it.

Yeah, maybe. Uh, send me the details.

Oh! Okay, I will.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Hey, where are you? I've been waiting here all day.

Sorry! I'm playing poker with Noah Baumbach.

If I leave now, he'll take it personally.

Will be there after a few more hands. Promise!

That is not a good excuse!

Did you sleep here?

- Where are the shoes? - Oh, uh...

Austin said he'd have them dropped off, but he didn't.

Austin doesn't work for me. You do.

And because of that sad fact, Pharrell didn't get the shoes,

and his shoot went a little differently than what he wanted.

I'm so sorry. It's totally my fault.

I will apologize to Pharrell.

You think Pharrell wants an email from you? No.

You'll come up with an appropriate apology and gift from me,

and have it in his hands by tonight.

And there better not be drool on those dresses.

There isn't.

Josh!

Yeah, come in.

Hey, what are you doing?

It's Saturday.

- I'm cleaning my squash shoes. - Okay.

Hey, listen to this email I just got.

"Congratulations, Kel Washington.

"We like your look. Out of thousands of submissions,

"Likenessity Solutions has cast you as a new face

of our global pilot program."

- What? That's great! - Yeah.

- What does it mean? - It means I just worked out

and I need to shower for my shoot today.

I get that, but I'm playing squash with my dad in an hour,

and I need to finish steaming the creases

out of my new squash whites,

or he'll razz me.

That is way less important.

No, it's not.

I've had the shittiest work week of my life.

So, today is all about chilling out, and that starts

with a game of squash with my dad.

Nothing puts me in a good mood like watching that man move.

Oh, it never gets old.

It's weird how much you love your dad.

Sorry, Mom. I-I'm not engaging with this negativity.

Today's about fun.

Squash with Dad, followed by lunch at Katz's Deli.

But do I eat my whole hot pastrami there?

No. I take home half

and eat it while watching the greatest movie of all time,

Broadcast News.

Hey! Alright, guys, shut up.

I... I have something very serious to talk to you about.

I cannot sleep with AJ after our first date tonight.

- Is it a date? - No, she's making me a fancy dinner

'cause she doesn't want to bounce on my lap and have ten kids.

She said I'm enough, Joshua.

Okay, then when the night's over, just go home.