Quick Change

Nude women!

Nude women!

Clowns welcome!

Clowns welcome!

Nude women! Clowns welcome!

- Hey! I got three more minutes. - Un-uh. Come back tomorrow.

- I said we're closed, Bozo. - I wouldn't.

And that's "Mr. Bozo," okay?

Say, t-- that's right. It ain't quite closing time yet.

Hugh...

let's not mess with me today, okay?

I'm robbing the bank.

What the hell kind of clown are you?

The crying-on-the-inside kind, I guess.

Look, I'm just an old man.

- Really? - Yeah.

Let's go.

This is a robbery.

Do you believe this?

- This is a robbery. - It is!

Thank you.

Alright, quiet, put your hands on top of your head. Stand up.

We're all gonna die.

We're, we're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die! We're all gonna d--

Button it up, pal. Nobody likes a whiner.

Don't anybody move.

What did I just say?

Huh?

Alright. That's better.

Fill this up with regular, please.

Hey, that's my money.

Don't worry about it. It's insured.

She didn't give me no receipt yet.

They can't, they can't insure it

if I don't got no receipt.

Would you please give him a receipt?

And you... watch the double negatives, huh?

Yes, sir.

Okay, anybody else need a receipt?

Last chance.

Okay, we're all going into the vault now.

Keep your hands on top of your head.

Come on out, everybody, let's go.

Do as he says, everyone.

This will all be over with presently.

Don't dilly-dally. That's it.

Hey, you guys, move it! Move it!

Move it back!

- Do you have the key to this? - You bet.

I'm gonna need another one of these filled up

from in there. Thanks.

And I'm gonna need you to make a phone call for me...

presently.

Now, the police are gonna want me to let some of you people go

as a sign of good faith.

The best way to get out is to stay calm.

If they want proof that I'm serious...

I'll carve up the troublemakers first.

Jesus, God!

- Shut up. - Oh, Jesus! God!

- God! - Shh!

- May I use your phone? - Yes.

Give up now. That is the only door.

There is no other way out, my friend.

Tell them anybody gets near this place, I'm gonna blow it up.

If I don't hear from the guy in charge in 15 minutes,

I'm gonna send your thumb out through the night depository.

And, thanks...

for calling me friend.

This is Princeton. You have less than 15 minutes to call in.

Do not come near the bank. He is covered in dynamite.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

Give me sound down.

Okay, chief, apparently, we've got 12 people in there.

One guy, heavily armed.

Bank security got this picture.

This is our perpetrator.

The hostage negotiator's on his way, sir.

Tell him he won't be needed.

- Till when, sir? - Till I'm no longer chief.

To my beloved wife Carol, I leave the house in Westchester

and the apartment on 78th Street.

The entire stock portfolio will be divided equally

among our children.

David, you can have the Giants tickets.

Don't do this.

It'll be okay.

He, he said...

he'd carve up the troublemakers first.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Crybaby.

Damn!

Give me a break.

Coming.

- Mom? - This is Rotzinger.

Who are you? Where's mom?

Chief of police. Get your butt out of there now.

You know, I was in 'Nam with a jerk like you.

Oh, boy.

Ah, what's your name, son? What shall I call you?

Well...

I always liked the name Chip.

Would you call me Chip?

Okay.

What was that shooting just now, Chip?

Oh, wait! Call me Skip.

Okay, Skip.

What was that shooting?

Well, the cameras.

I shot the cameras. They were looking at me.

Quit looking at me!

My God. He's barking.

Skip, we can be inside, on top of you, in a heartbeat.

Try to run, you won't get five feet.

Yeah, well, you tell your men

just one bullet could hit some dynamite

and blow up the whole street.

I've planted it everywhere, you know.

Don't you think I know how you plan to get out of there?

Switch on a tape recorder, I'm talking to a machine

while you crawl out through the third-floor heating vent.

Not a bad plan, except I couldn't fit

with all this money. And besides, I've booby-trapped

the vents with heavy explosives.

Come on down! Get out of there!

God, I hate this town.

Ah, let's see if we can make a deal here, Chip. Uh, Skip.

I'd like to get those people out of there.

Fine.

I want a city bus

with a full tank of gas.

I want, um, a Harley-Davidson XL1000.

- I want a monster truck. - A what?

And I want two Jet Ranger helicopters

here on the street.

I'll get you the choppers, I'll get you the bus, the Harley

and the, uh, the monster truck just as soon as

you give me the damn hostages.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure no harm will come to me

once I'm inside the bank all by myself.

- At least give me the women. - Get your own women.

One hostage per demand.

One? Listen, I've had just about enough of your comedy, clown.

We're coming in through the plate glass.

Alright, I gotta hang up now

because I gotta go kill everybody, okay?

Don't bust my chops, wise guy. It's not that easy.

It takes time to find two Jet Cruisers,

and pilots who are willing to fly out an armed felon.

I don't need a pilot.

Now, you got 30 minutes to meet my first demand.

- What's your number out there? - 259-0660.

Don't try anything rash, or you're dead

along with everyone else.

6-0?

And that's here in area code 212?

Oh...

Alright. Do what he says, the chopper and the bus, everything.

Set them up out here as soon as they arrive.

Is it a diversion, chief, or is he crazy?

He's not crazy, he'll come out of that bank

with a few hostages also dressed as clowns.

He'll make a run for one of the choppers

assuming we're afraid to shoot down a hostage.

Are we?

He said no pilots.

That means he's flying it.

Probably learned how in 'Nam.

Now, they'll get a bead on whichever clown

takes the controls and take him out

before he even leaves the ground.

Here he comes.

- He's gonna let one of us go. - Oldest first.

That makes sense, save the one who will die first

of natural causes.

You prick.

I'm gonna vomit.

We better get him out of here first.

- No way! - The hell with him.

It's been decided. I'm the first to go.

- What? - Hey, come on.

- Who decided it? - I did.

It really isn't your decision, Mr. Adolf Hitler.

Have you got my money ready back there?

It's here.

You're the kind of person that gets innocent bystanders killed.

They're meeting my first demand.

Alright, to show this fascist dictator here

how our system works, I'm gonna let you folks decide

who's gonna be the first to go.

- Him! - Him!

- Him? - Yes!

Let's... Come on. Come on.