Blunt Talk

Previously on Blunt Talk...

I like you very much.

Let her go, Officer.

Put your hands on the car.

Mr. Blunt, have you spoken to any of your wives?

I have not spoken to any of my ex-wives.

This is the benefit of divorce.

You are facing felony charges.

Your ratings have been shit for months.

All that's left is your accent.

They need me to see a shrink.

You always bring your own couch, Doctor?

Yes, I'm a Freudian.

The gods have given me a second chance.

I mean to make the most of it.

Harry.

Harry, I'm hungry.

Where are you?

Harry, I'm hungry and depressed.

Have a nice trip, Major.

What's the matter, Major?

You always enjoy thrashing me.

I don't know, Harry.

I just feel low.

Lost, confused, distracted,

dreary, disturbed-- I guess that's it.

Well, you're seeing the network psychoanalyst this afternoon, sir.

Perhaps he'll cheer you up.

I don't think the goal of analysis is to be cheered up, Harry.

I think the goal is to stop hating oneself.

What about neutrality, sir? That's my position.

I don't hate myself, but I don't like myself.

I hover somewhere in the middle.

Interesting, Harry.

I'd like to mull that over further with scrambled egg,

bacon, half a grapefruit, and very black coffee.

Very good, sir. I'll get your breakfast ready.

Unsporting, Major.

We'd finished playing.

And a glass of champagne.

Sir.

Kierkegaard says that

we're all in despair unless we find God.

But then the French poet Vigny says that

a calm despair is the essence of wisdom.

For once I agree with a Frenchman.

No, I accept my core despair.

But what's your stance on self-loathing?

Oh, I'm against it.

Why do you ask? Are you self-loathing?

No.

Well, a little.

Why?

I put my career in jeopardy.

I'm a lousy to middling father.

And I've hurt every woman I've ever been with.

What do you think would

lessen your negative feelings about yourself?

Well, a woman.

Walter.

Excuse me, we're in session.

Oh, sorry. I've never done therapy.

I mean, I once called a suicide hotline.

Years ago. - Excuse me, I mean, we're in session.

Okay. Walter, you have to be in makeup in 15 minutes.

Okay.

Now, that's an attractive woman.

Have you had intercourse with her?

No. She works for me.

So what's holding you back from meeting a woman?

My track record.

I'm afraid to start something new.

All my relationships end in pain.

Did that stop Elizabeth Taylor? No.

So I give you permission to

meet someone new and not worry about the future.

Are you suggesting I should behave like Elizabeth Taylor?

Yes. A messy life is a good life.

Big Brother or mindful mother?

In a statement issued today,

Alvon says that its tracking chip,

the size of a rice grain,

can be implanted painlessly

beneath your child's skin.

Well, I'm not sure I like the sound

of children being chipped like the family pet.

But I was also skeptical of the mobile phone

and I once did lose a dog.

Well, that's our report for this evening.

I am Walter Blunt, right here, right now.

And we're clear. Okay, that's a wrap.

You know, soon we'll all be chipped.

It could be a good thing.

If my wives had chipped me,

maybe I'd still be married.

Oh, did you get lost a lot?

Yes, with other women.

I must stop thinking like this.

I am allowed to have a messy life.

I mean, not as messy as last week, but...

Great show, Walter. - Thank you.

Excellent segment on the Knesset.

Jewish politicians are really funny.

Is that a joke?

But, Walter, I'm so sorry about interrupting

your analysis before. Is it going okay?

Well, the approach is unusual,

but it may be helpful.

Oh, you know, my dad's a therapist. A Gestaltian.

Yeah, we know that.

Hi. Great show, Walter. - Thank you.

Maybe next week we can run my piece

on the HPV vaccine.

I have a fun angle.

Shelly, the genital warts story is gross.

I'm sorry, genital warts?

It's relatable.

You're a lucky son of a bitch, Walter.

Why? - I want to tell him!

You were in my bathroom.

I paid for it.

The policeman you kicked,

he didn't need testicle surgery.

So it's only a misdemeanor.

The lawyers found a loophole in California state law.

No stitches, no felony.

No felony, no problem.

I can't believe my fate was held in balance

by the well-being of a testicle.

What about Gisele?

Her charges were dropped.

Yes!

She sent you a thank-you note

for getting her a lawyer.

In our debased world,

I appreciate this very much.

It was the one quality of the first George Bush I always admired.

He was an avid writer of thank-you notes.

Well, you're still a little screwed, buddy.

Your license is suspended

and you have to go to AA once a week.

I have to go to AA?

For your AA meeting, I was thinking

we could either go with your Bono look

or your Peter Jennings.

For AA, definitely we should go Bono.

Very good, sir.

Oh, I meant to inquire,

did you ask the psychoanalyst

for more of that wonderful cocaine?

I did and he said that last week was simply an emergency measure

and not a part of my treatment.

Oh, that is a shame.

But I imagine we'll cultivate an emergency soon enough.

All right, last chance.

Who wants to come with me to AA?

I understand.

It's Friday, you've all got plans.

Oh, there she is.

I'll give you a ride.

Be nicer than the bus.

Thank you, Rosalie.

I've missed you, girl.

Hey. Walter, is this your new car?

We got it this morning.

I told Harry to get a Volt or a Prius.

I mean, I have to be a role model.

Instead, he gets this stupid muscle car.

You said to follow my bliss.

I said a Volt or a Prius. You willfully misheard me.

Well, I think it's a super cool car, Walter. I really do.

I'm glad you agree.

I've always admired your maverick, Jim.

This back seat is hell, Harry.

What were you thinking?

You could, you know, sit in the front seat, sir.

No, I think it's best that our roles are defined.

Discipline in our regiment of two has been slack of late.

Very good, sir.

Thanks for the ride, Rosalie.

You're welcome.

Do you want to, you know,

like last time?

You smell nice.

Like vanilla.

Angel.

The perfume.

Can I smell it again?

My God, Harry.

I never knew there were so many recovering alcoholics.

The bars must be empty. - Yes, Major.

You know, it's smart of churches to hold AA meetings.

Since the old methods failed,

this is an excellent way of getting the sinners in.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me, sir. We're new here.

And there seem to be many sorts of meetings to choose from.

We got every kind of meeting.

Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous,

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.