Squadra antifurto

Help!

MONTI JEWELRY

I told you not to steal alarm clocks.

How should I know? Let's go.

Damn it!

Fuck off.

- Who is it? - Thieves.

Let's go.

Come on. The alarm is off.

- What a beautiful house. - Let's hope all goes well.

- Stutter, you go there. - Yes.

We'll get the silverware. Go.

There's absolutely zero here.

All fake stuff, smoke in your eyes, nothing but junk.

Darn rich people.

Hey, Tripe.

This is a complete waste of time.

Shutter, who told you this would have been a good hit?

Whoever gave us the information is a jerk.

If we get 200,000 Liras out of this, we're lucky.

I should have gone to the beach instead.

I'd have sunbathed and robbed a few cabins.

These bastards take all their valuables to Switzerland!

- How can we work like this? - We should go to Switzerland, too.

Why do they have alarms, then? It infuriates me!

It's pointless to get angry. You'll only make yourself twice as tired.

Stutter.

- Leave them a souvenir. - I don't have to go.

I'll take a shit, damn them!

G. ZANONI MOVERS ROME

Who is it?

We're from the Zanoni company. We've got a wardrobe for the Rossi family.

Did you have to come on Sunday? Why not tomorrow?

There was a delay in the delivery. The Rossi's got angry

and said to bring it right away. You have the keys.

Go easy and don't break anything, or Mr. Rossi will be furious.

Leave it there. They'll find a place for it.

Madam, you have to sign here.

- There you go. - Thanks. Goodbye.

I'm sorry I don't have any change for a tip.

Don't worry, we get paid overtime, today.

You can go, now. I have a ton of locks to close.

They're right. There are so many thieves in town.

So much stuff!

Midget!

Midget!

- Hey. Who is it? - Midget!

- Found you, Midget! - No, Marshal, I didn't do anything.

Where are you going? You're locked inside.

Damn you, the Zanoni company, and the Rossi's.

- Aren't you ever wrong? - Look, "Antonio Rossi, via Api 37."

- This is via Alpi. - We made a mistake.

At via Api 37, there is another Rossi family.

- In Italy we are all Rossi's. - Take it away and don't bust…

- I almost said it! - Bust your balls?

- Precisely. - Yeah.

Go.

You must have taken a lot of stuff, Midget. It's so heavy.

Decoration flower While the others are lying on the beach

We are in Rome hustling

- Come on. - Yeah.

Did you steel the toilet too?

- I don't understand. - What did you do?

Thanks for the ride. Hands up and against the wall, I have to check you.

- What the hell did you do? - I don't know.

He pounced on me from a window. He was on a tree.

I was hunting birds. I put a baby sparrow back in its nest.

- Who gave you the tip? - You're questioning me?

We can't work in peace on Sundays either.

It's over for you, Marshal.

I'll kill you in the name of all those who wish you dead.

Don't be an asshole. The charge of theft now becomes attempted murder.

- This is murder, Marshal. - Don't be a jerk. Two.

I called the anti- theft squad. You have guns pointed at your ass.

- I don't believe you. - Don't be a jerk. Three.

Gargiulo, I'm talking to you! Fuck you, Gargiulo! He's serious! Hey!

Marshal, a thief is not a killer.

And I know this guy. He's never killed anyone.

What if he starts now? I'll get it up my ass!

- Chief, Marshal Giraldi. - Hi, Ballarin.

You stayed on that tree for three hours. What if the branch had snapped?

I would have retired earlier.

We only care about one thing. Could you identify them?

- One had long hair… - What are you doing?

Wow! There's a hot chick in there. I almost had a heart attack.

- Where? - With Trentini.

- Here? - Yeah.

Don't worry, miss.

Nico, you are a pervert.

No, Tozzi, I swear. There was another woman in there.

Oh, here she is. Look.

It's him! Inspector! He robbed me! Arrest him!

I'm sorry, miss, but there has been a big misunderstanding.

You are Velletrano's girlfriend. You meet him on Thursdays and Sundays.

During one of these dates, he stole the keys of the house where you work.

Is that true?

No, it's not true. I always keep the keys with me.

Then, how do you think he got in? Through the walls?

To avoid getting mugged, you should always keep your stuff under your arm.

- Well, they stole my car. - Oh, those are a bit heavy.

They are.

- What kind of car is it? - An A112.

- The thieves' favourites. - It was new.

ANTI-THEFT SQUAD

Listen to me.

How about we continue talking about the car theft at your place tonight at 9:00?

I'm sorry, but I'm leaving tonight for New York. I'm a flight attendant.

Flight attendant? Before you leave, can I give you a kiss?

- What? - No worry, I mean a chocolate kiss.

- Thank you. - You are welcome.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

Wow. Your ass speaks for itself. If I see you again…

Giraldi, the DeAngelis' maid says she doesn't know Velletrano.

- If you want to question yourself… - What a drag. I didn't understand shit.

Marshal, please don't be vulgar.

You know Velletrano well. The girl denies everything.

As a woman, you should understand this poor girl

who falls in love with a married man with four children.

- Giovanni is married? - Yeah.

- With four children? - Four children.

What a bastard! He told me I was the only woman in his life.

He even has a mistress in Velletri and a fag in Rome.

I'm ruined. I'm ruined!

Sentence him to death! To death! Or I'll kill him myself.

Calm down.

Tell me everything. We'll give that scoundrel the right punishment.

Marshal, there was a burglary in a Parioli apartment. The twelfth, today.

- My wife saw this mess and fainted. - Of course.

You see, she still hasn't recovered. And a month ago she was mugged.

- They are aiming at you. - That's what I thought, too.

- I took away the valuables. - Bad idea. That's why they got pissed off.

- Look at the mess they made. - They even evacuated.

- They did what? - They evacuated, there, on the armchair.

Oh, they took a shit on it. Some do it out of fear, others for disdain.

This time it's disdain. You know why?

- Why? - Because it's not runny.

Nico, come. There's an interesting lead.

- Excuse me. - Sure.

Look at these footprints. It's paratrooper boots.

I know one guy who wears them.

- Who is it? - I'll think about it and I'll tell you.

Ballarin, get that turd, please.

- Let's go. - How dare you?

Not him, the real one!

But… How do I pick it up?

What a question. Get a spoon, a spatula. Do this and put it in the lunch box.

I think the point is red.

Easy, we have to measure, first.

Hey! Who's playing these shitty jokes?

- Who is he? - Oh.

Marshal. You want to play a game?

No, thanks. Listen, Stutter, do you ever change your shoes?

No, I need them. Sometimes I do parachute jumps.

And sometimes you are an apartment thief and leave your footprints,

like on the carpet of engineer Marini in Viale Bruno Buozzi 87.

No, Marshal, I swear. I know nothing about it.

Maybe Shutter was with you.

Marshal, I was at the beach with my friend.

- Yes, it's true. - You are such a wise ass.

But don't worry, I'll catch you, sooner or later.

Come here.

Look, I can't do anything to you,

because the footprints are not enough to charge,

but now I want you to tell me who shat on the couch. Or I'll make you eat it.

Marshal. How would I know? I don't know.

Shit.

- Who shat on the couch? - It was tripe. He's at the eatery.

Waiter, is the pizza coming?

Marshal, I asked for a Neapolitan pizza, not a slap.

- You're hungry, huh? - Of course I'm hungry.

Then eat this.

- A shit? - Surely it doesn't make you sick.

- It's yours. I'll put cheese on it. - It's still shit.

Yes, but with Parmesan cheese. Eat, come on, come on.

- Do I have to? - Yes, go ahead.

Thanks for the ride, Ballarin. When you see your girlfriend,

try to get some information about Shutter, okay?

- By the way, Marshal. - Yeah?

See, I would like to be exempted from the "cleaning women's duty".

- As you know, my wife is very jealous. - No, Ballarin, I'm sorry.

With that beard and hair you look like a blonde doll. They like you.

Don't worry. Just screw, I'll take care of your wife.

- Oh, okay. - Bye.

Orazio! Orazio, hey!

Filotto, you brought the dog! Beautiful boy!

- Nico! - Why are you in the kitchen?

I made a great garlic, oil, tomato and hot pepper sauce.

Listen, didn't you have three more months to serve in jail?

They released me for good conduct.

- How did you get in? - What a question!