Friends

Great. Great. Just give me a sec to change film.

Okay. I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do and I am so excited for you.

- Why? What's going on? - Monica's pregnant.

Oh, my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?

- Guys, I'm not pregnant! - Ah, slow swimmers?

What? What do you mean? You're not pregnant?

- You didn't tell anybody I was, did you? - No.

I'll be right back.

Now why don't we get a shot of Monica and the bloody soldier?

Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.

I can't. I don't have any other clothes.

Find some. Please! Anything that doesn't say, "I died tragically in France."

Then why don't we see the bride and the groom, and the bridesmaids?

Hey, Mon? Why did you tell the guys that you weren't pregnant?

Because I'm not.

We found your test in the trash. If you're not pregnant...

...it's because I am.

What are you talking about?

Yes. Ahem. I am with child.

And I didn't wanna say anything because it's your day.

- I didn't wanna steal your thunder. - So you told people I was pregnant?

Does this look like a conversation I wanna remember?

- Who's the father? - Yeah.

I can't say.

- Why? - Why not?

I can't say because he's famous.

Oh, my God, who is it?

Come on, you have to tell us.

Okay, okay. It's James Brolin.

James Brolin is the father of my baby.

As in, Barbra Streisand's husband, James Brolin?

What? He never said that to me.

Monica, if you can step away, we'll get Chandler and the bridesmaids.

How about just the bridesmaids?

I am the groom. I was told it was kind of a big deal.

- It is. - Yeah.

- Oh, my God! - Thank you for doing that.

I just can't deal with this just quite yet.

- So instead you told me Monica was pregnant? - You did, I just didn't disagree.

- Sneaky! - Yeah.

- Smile, ladies! - Ohh.

- By the way, James Brolin? - Ugh. I know.

I could only think of two names: Him and Ed Begley Jr. And then...

I remembered he's gay, so...

- Ed Begley Jr. Is not gay. - Really?

Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure...

...to introduce to you for the first time:

Mr. And Mrs. Chandler Bing!

- Before we go out there, I got a present for you. - I'm not gonna put my hand in your pocket.

- No. - No?

- I've been taking dancing lessons. - What?

Yeah, for the last 6 weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you'd never forget.

Aww. That is so sweet!

So would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife?

- Yes. - Okay.

- What's the matter? - These new shoes are all slippery.

- Are you going to be able to do this? - Not well.

Well, the good news is I don't think anyone's looking at us.

- So you ready to talk about it? - No.

Now?

No.

Okay, we'll talk about something else.

- Thank you. - Who's the father?

Uh. Look, honey, I haven't told him yet...

...so until I do, I don't think I should tell anybody else.

Yeah. That's fine. That's fair. Is it Tag?

Ugh. Phoebe!

- Okay. I'm sorry, I'll stop. - Okay.

Is it Ross? It's Ross, isn't it?

- Oh, my God, it's Joey! - Honey, stop it, okay?

I'm not going to tell you until I tell him.

Ah-ha! At least we know it's a him.

Oh, sweet lord.

I'm sorry, okay?

I went down to the gift shop, and it was either this or a bathrobe.

Look, what's more important? The way I'm dressed or me being with you today?

Honey, I'm not even going to pretend I was listening. Hey! Hey.

Hi.

I'm Ross. I don't believe we've met. I'm Monica's older brother.

- Hi, I'm Mona from her restaurant. - Oh.

Hello, "Mona from her restaurant."

Mona. What a beautiful name.

You think so? I always kind of hated it.

- Aw, come on! Mona Lisa? - Uh-huh.

Mona...

...Klegglachen?

The famous botanist. Huh?

Oh, no. She's... Well, she's dead now.

But supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Well, see, I never knew about her. - Linda Klegglachen...

So, what table are you at?

Oh, heh, me too.

Good. There will be someone who likes my name.

Yes, there will.

Guess what, Molly Gilbert. You've just been bumped up to table one.

And if it's all right with you, I'm gonna take your place at table six.

Martin Klegglachen!

That's better. Just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Look straight ahead.

Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it.

Chandler, darling. Look, my date has finally arrived. I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips.

- Congratulations. - Thanks.

Dennis is a dear old friend. And a fantastic lover.

Bravo, Dennis, thanks for pleasing my mother so.

I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony. I was stuck at auditions.

Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.

Hi, I don't believe we've met. Joey Tribbiani.

- Dennis Phillips. - Wow. I've admired your work for years.

You've done some amazing stuff.

Thank you. Excuse me, I'll get myself a drink.

I'll be back in a moment.

Dennis Phillips! That's great! How did you guys meet?

Well, you know, it's a funny story.

Funny "ha-ha," or funny "boom, uh-oh!"

Thank you very much. Now if everyone will please take their seats, dinner will be served.

Hey.

- Uh, I thought you were at table six. - Uh, no. Nine.

Ohh. See, before, when you showed it to me, you held it that way...

...which was misleading.

Well... I'll... um...

Hello.

Chandler! Will you see if your mom can give my résumé to Dennis Phillips?

Because if I can get into a Broadway show, I would've done it all:

Film, television and theater.

The only thing left would be radio, and that's just for ugly people.

- What size shoes do you wear? - Uh, eleven. Eleven and a half.

Great. My shoes are giving me a problem on the dance floor.

- Can I borrow the boots from your costume? - I don't know where I left those, so...

- Those aren't eleven and a half. - Okay, fine, I'm a 7!

All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good! I'll show you!

- Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant? - Let's not talk about that now.

- This is so huge. - Sure, but as big as your wedding?

Of course not. Nothing is.

- Wow. Between me and you? - Yeah.

In this day and age, how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?

Hey, sometimes you can do everything right, wear what you're supposed to...

...and one of those little guys just gets through.

- How? - I don't know, maybe they have tools.

Well, I talked to her, and she's definitely gonna have this baby.

She's gonna raise it on her own.

Well, maybe that's really brave.

I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.

Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that much.

There's a lot to think about.

How is she gonna handle this financially? How is she gonna juggle work?

Does she realize she's not gonna have a date again for the next 18 years?

I don't know.

Are you okay?

Mm-hm.

I'm just thinking about Phoebe. Poor, knocked-up Phoebe.

- Champagne? - Oh, yes. Thank you very much. Whew.

That's actually how the French drink it.

Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin.