Breaking In

Sweet, sweet Molly, you will be mine.

D-d-d-d-doo-doo, doo-doo.

Peekaboo.

Carol.

Which one of these dudes would you want to ask you out?

Okay. Chris Rock?

Let a black man take you out on a date!

Tired, tired, tired, tired, tired!

Captain's log, star date...

This evening. I want to...

take you where no woman has gone before.

Good evening. I'm Morgan Freeman.

I can be your father,

your daddy, whatever you need me to be.

Um, you could be my Miss Piggy

if you want to.

Just be yourself.

That's how I land all my bone buddies.

Gross to know. Thanks for the advice.

I guess I'll be myself...

Or Denzel Washington.

Hey.

Okay, Molly, okay.

- Oh. - You know what? Uh...

Um, sorry.

Cash, did you, uh, did you need something?

Uh...

Are you into tagging?

Excuse me?

I was thinking maybe we can go sometime.

Game on, girl.

Oh, laser tag. The game where children

run around after each other with flashlights.

It's not quite my cup of tea, but thank you, anyway.

Okay. All right. Heh.

Seems someone's got a hankering for an English muffin, huh?

Yeah, I mean, every time I ask her out, it's just...

Well, maybe if you found a common interest with her...

But that's why I asked her to go laser tagging.

It's historically the world's greatest crossover activity.

Let me stop you right there.

Laser tag is the world's greatest nothing.

Oh!

Gotcha.

What? Really? A T-shirt launcher?

Come on. Those things are for stadiums.

That's to get you fired up, 'cause I've got news!

You, sir, have been hand-selected... What?

To join me at the O.C.P. Leadership Conference

in San Diego this weekend.

Am I being punished or something?

No, no, I see big things in your future,

like some sweet O.C.P. swag.

You're taking Cameron

to the O.C.P. Leadership Conference? Really?

Him? No offense.

Uh, much taken. You know what, Veronica?

I'd be honored to go with you to the O.C.P. Conference

and to wear my new O.C.P. T-shirt...

Or nightgown.

Man gown.

Look at where we're staying for the O.C.P. Conference.

I mean, they've got air conditioning,

an ice machine, free mini shampoos...

Oh, wow. So it's like a hotel.

You have to know Vee only picked you

because she wants to play grab-ass with your man muffins.

Maybe she invited me to a leadership conference

because she thinks I'm a leader.

Nah. She picked Cammy for his sweet hammy.

He's right. You know Vee's got a long history of sexual harassment.

Hey there.

Have you heard that new song by The Police,

Please Stand Really, Really Close To Me?

I don't think that's how it goes.

Shut up and take off those Z. Cavariccis.

This is big for me. I mean, isn't it possible

that she sees something in me just like you did?

Nope. She wants to bang you.

Come on. That's...

Bang, bang!

Oh, yeah.

Boom. Took your advice.

Since Molly doesn't like laser tag,

I'm asking her to the planetarium laser light show.

I got a question for you, and I really want you to think about this.

Why is it that all your dates involve lasers?

Bye, kids. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

So long, Camsy! Don't do anyone I wouldn't do!

I'm a leader!

Don't worry, Vee!

With Molly in charge, this weekend,

the office is in good hands.

Oh. Thank you, Oz.

Well, we look forward to respecting your authority, Molly.

Good.

You, me...

Secret mission.

I thought you'd never ask.

That is Sean Hurley. You may remember his late father Hugo.

He was our night janitor for 15 years.

Oh. The old racist guy? I loved him. Mmm.

It was not mutual.

He was an eccentric old bastard, but that's why I'm here.

I found this in his safety deposit box.

"Hurley's Gold"? That's a map of our office.

Sean feels that his father

may have hid his fortune somewhere here in Contra

so his four ex-wives couldn't get a hold of it.

Buried treasure? Mmm.

Buried treasure?

We'll dig this weekend, while the office is empty.

Aye. We'll find your dead father's gold. Argh.

Cash.

Really sorry for your loss.

- Hey. Cameron Crowe. - What's the good word?

Just calling to gloat.

I'm at the hotel, in my own room, enjoying $12 peanuts.

What's on tap next? Perhaps erotic cinema on demand?

Looks like the only one manhandling me is me.

I don't think that's the win you think it is.

Howdy, neighbor! What you got under that robe?

Wow. You're here in my room.

Look at this. It's the intimacy pack.

It's like office supplies for hookers.

So we've got a couple hours to kill. What do you want to do?

I'm never wrong.

Yeah.

Get in there!

Find that treasure!

Cash! Uh-oh.

Cash!

Hey. 'Sup, Molly?

Veronica puts me in charge,

and that's when you decide to destroy the entire office?

Don't be mad.

I... I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this.

Searching for buried treasure.

Hey! Look! X marks the spot!

Well, guess we should, uh, ask your permission

before we open the treasure. Eh, boss lady?

Well, I suppose the damage is already done.

May as well take a peek, eh?

Okay. Candy bar wrapper?

Oh, man. That's the worst ending with a rapper since Tupac.

Oh, wait. There's writing on the other side.

I think it's a clue.

Actually, I'm not quite sure about all this.

Come on! You're a perfect addition to our treasure-hunting team.

I mean, the way you handle those crosswords and Suduki...

You noticed? Yeah.

Oh. Well, I suppose I could help out a little bit.

Yes! Just like National Treasure.

The hot blonde, the badass treasure hunter,

and the not-so-comic sidekick.

Yeah, point taken.

"Nails in my belly, trees in my spine,

"if I swallow water, I shall not be fine." Hang on.

"Nails in my belly, trees in my spine..."

It's a boat! Look.

The ship...

It's called Destino.

That means "fate" in Spanish.

Cash! Good work.

Gracias.

So "fate." What next?

Well, why don't we take a little snacky break

and eat some Cheez Doodles? "G-7."

Wait!

"Fate." "F-8."

Look. It's our next clue.

That's my girl. Wow.

Not like you're my girl.

I'm just... That'd be crazy, right? I mean...

Hi. Hi there. Hi. Oh, hi.

Um, I was wondering if you could maybe move me.

I have a really annoying neighbor in the adjoining room.

I'm pretty sure she's smoking the drugs.

Oh, I'm sorry,

but we're completely booked for the convention.

Right, right. The O.C.P. Convention.

"O.C.P."? No.

Oh, you must mean the Shoe Retailer's Association.

What?

Shoozapalooza.

"Shoozapalooza"?

It's my favorite "palooza."

There's no O.C.P. Convention. You were right.

She totally wants my man muffins. What do I do?

Hang in there?

What? That's it? That's all you have for me?

Well, I guess it's better than "I told you so, slut."

Hi, leader.

Please knock if you're gonna do that.

It's just common neighbor courtesy.

I can't have the future of O.C.P. looking like a kid.

Wha... So I went out and got you this old thing.

I'm worried about this inseam. Wait a second.

No. If I give it a little tug...

You don't need to tug. Yeah, no big D.