Masters of Sex

Previously on Masters of Sex...

I insinuated my way in with you easily enough.

You're forgetting that I picked you for this job.

If that's what you need to tell yourself.

Here he is, this brilliant doctor,

stuck with a barren wife.

There is no way the great Bill Masters

is going to admit he's shooting blanks.

My wife is coming in next week.

We've decided she'll join my cervical-cap trial.

I've just returned from Provost Scully's office.

He shut down my study as of this morning.

You jeopardized the study.

As a result, you're fired.

I expect you to sit at your desk until your replacement is hired.

The doc here will demonstrate all of his...tricks.

People are clueless about sex.

And you ladies, you're the experts.

What is she doing here?

Saving your bacon.

Why would you want to reverse your tubal ligation?

I don't know, genius. To have kids?

But why on God's earth would you want to have kids?

You're a lesbian and a prostitute.

A little respect.

Can we speak honestly about what's really going on here?

You need me in the study.

So, am I rehired? Yes or no?

You have a job tomorrow.

Beyond that...

I really can't tell the future.

GRACCUBUS resynched for masters.of.sex.s01e03. standard.deviation.720p.web.dl.x264.sujaidr

Sylvilagus floridanus. Eastern cottontail.

The frisky one is Romeo, the buck.

See the way he swats her with his paws?

A courtship ritual.

If the doe is amenable,

she, uh, she offers herself by lifting up her tail, like so...

The buck mounting from behind.

See, he grips her by the neck with his teeth

so she can't escape.

Now, I-I spent two months

trying to coax the female into ovulation with no success.

Turns out the female has no estrus cycle.

She spontaneously ovulates when mounted by the male.

I'll never look at Margaret's furs the same way again.

- Is he dead? - No. Sleeping it off.

The male passes out at the moment of climax.

The buck stops here.

Gestation lasts a month.

She can birth four to six kits

and be ready for another affaire de coeur

within 72 hours.

That's...very edifying.

And simple, really... Well, for rabbits.

It's more complex when you move up the evolutionary chain.

If you're thinking of mating rhesus monkeys down here,

you'd better clear it with Dean Gladstone.

You know, humans have taken the basic impulse for sex

and turned it into some unrecognizable ordeal...

romance, chivalry, codes of etiquette,

which necktie should I be wearing,

should I say goodnight at the curb

or walk her to the door?

What if we could just cut through the maze

to the essentials?

What if we could understand the basic physiology

underneath all that nonsense?

Are things not going well with Caroline?

Caroline went back to Tennessee.

I haven't spoken to her in a month.

I want to study humans... Human sexuality.

- It's never been done. - For good reason.

When they asked George Mallory why'd he climb Everest,

remember what he said?

Mount Everest doesn't ejaculate, Bill.

The real truth, Barton, is...

I don't know anything about sex.

And you don't, either.

But wouldn't you like to know?

I mean, wouldn't everyone like to know some answers?

Wouldn't we all be so much better off

if we could shine a light into the darkness?

The wedding is in May. It's at St. Alben's.

Deep breath.

I'm thinking I should lose six pounds.

Don't you think I'd look better in my dress

if I lost six pounds?

I don't. You're the picture of good health.

Should we discuss why you're really here?

Have you become sexually active?

Oh, God, no. It's just...

If we were to...

consummate the marriage...

I hope you will.

Um...

I have three semesters left at Maryville,

a-and, well, with... with Willard's salary at the bank...

The ancient Inuits had a system for family planning.

They used to toss unwanted children into the arctic sea.

Modern birth control is nothing to be ashamed of.

Do you know how to apply a condom?

Oh! Um...

Uh. Oh. I'm...not sure I could...

There are other options... Creams, jellies.

L-like marmalade? Or...

The diaphragm is a rubber cap

that blocks the passage to the uterus.

It's safe, effective, and perfectly discrete.

All right. I will take the small one.

The device is sized to fit your cervix.

And my cervix is...where?

Yes, I think so. How many months along are you?

6 1/2.

Oh, how exciting.

Bill.

The schedule for tonight.

We have a full dance card.

Our 9:00 backed out.

She had a previous date with a customer,

but I convinced one of the other girls at the brothel to fill in.

Are you finished with the intake forms?

Place them on my desk as soon as they're done,

and I'll need you to run down to the laundry

and pick up a lab coat for a "Dr. DePaul"...

before lunch, preferably.

Ah, Miss Dimello.

Shouldn't you be answering phones?

You've been dodging me all week.

Well, it might surprise you to know I have patients.

And we had a deal, remember?

You wanted girls for your little science project.

I gave you a harem. Now it's your turn to pony up.

I gave you the job you wanted.

I want that operation. I want my tubes untied.

I'm getting married, and my fiancé wants lots of kids.

- Your fiancé, the Peanut King. - Pretzels.

A man who suddenly decided

a lesbian prostitute is the answer to all his prayers.

If this figment of your imagination actually marries you,

I'll buy you all the Wedgwood china on your registry.

You're a smug bastard.

I simply refuse to be drawn into your peculiar fantasy life.

Coming from you, the one with fantasies

of hookers being plugged into wires.

A respectable doctor

watching naked prostitutes hump an electric dildo.

I have a very full schedule.

I'll see what I can do.

Just don't...

Just don't come back to me

when you're alone and pregnant and have nowhere to turn.

You're a prince!

Hello, ladies. How lovely to see you again.

Everybody, please take a card.

These are your numbers.

Then we will consult the board to see when your number's up.

That means we're ready for you.

Like at the deli counter.

Except we're the meat.

Whoa. I bet you taste just like orange sherbet.

I'm not on the menu.

Age?

Um...I don't know. 35?

Maybe you can count the rings on my hoo-ha.

Are you sexually active?

Maureen, this is just an early questionnaire from the hospital.

We wanted to get to know our subjects

before we wired them up, and we still want to know.

Okeydokey.

Yes, I'm sexually active.

Are you gonna ask me if I'm married?

That...is the next question.

I am.

My husband's a Rockefeller.

I only come here for the coffee.

And how frequently do you and your spouse en...

How frequently do you engage in coitus?

Co...

Sex.

How much sex do I have?

I would say...a lot.

For example, five times per...

Day. Sure, on a good day.

Perhaps we should move on to the actual study.

All we're doing is collecting physiological data

from the widest sample group possible,

and from that, we'll build a statistical picture

of what happens to the body during sex.

And what's that for?

It's a device for self stimulation.

So, what? You plug me in, and I, uh, diddle myself with this?

Until you climax, yes.

Ulysses is really just a big vibrator.

You don't have to use it.

It depends on how you normally pleasure yourself.

I take a midol and watch "General Electric Theater."

Okay, look.

You want me to come, I can blow the doors off.

I just got to do it my own way.