Seinfeld

I don't even know what is supposed to be

so attractive about fur.

Why does a man wanna see a woman in fur?

Men want women to shave their legs, shave their armpits,

pluck their eyebrows.

And then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear?

To me the only reason to wear fur

would be if you were trying to sneak up on another animal.

Did you ever see those tribal hunters

where they wear the fur, and then they have

the other animal's head on top of their head?

You know, I'm sure there's a moose looking at that going,

"Yeah, that looks real good.

"Yeah, I'm gonna turn my back on this goofball

"with the extra head because there's nothing fishy

"going on there.

"I'll just keep drinking from the stream.

I've seen a lot of two-headed tigers with knees."

So I am actually gonna have a secretary.

And, I get to do the interview.

It's incredible. Six months ago,

you were taking messages for your mother.

Yeah, and now someone's gonna be taking messages for me.

From your mother.

So this woman you plan on hiring--

Is she gonna be in the spokesmodel category?

Sure, I could go the tomato route.

But, uh, I've given this a lot of thought, Jerry.

All that frustration-- I'll never get any work done.

So I'm doing a complete 360.

I'm going for total efficiency and ability.

That's a 180, George.

Whatever.

Hi, Willie.

Hey, Jerry.

I got this stuff and my mother's fur for storage.

What are you doing with it?

Oh, she keeps it in my apartment

for when she comes up from Florida.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, Jerry. You know my wife, Donna.

Yeah. That's why I said hi.

Hey, nice jacket.

Thanks. Hound's tooth.

Whoa, this is a beauty.

Great cut.

It's probably very flattering.

Oh, yes. It really accentuates my bust line.

Well, I type about 90 words a minute.

I'm completely well-versed in all the IBM

and Macintosh programs.

Well, Miss Coggins,

you're obviously qualified for the job.

You have all the necessary skills and experience.

But you're extremely attractive. You're gorgeous,

and looking at you, I can't even remember my name.

So I'm afraid this is not gonna work out.

Thanks for coming.

You're luscious.

You're ravishing.

I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra.

I'm terribly sorry. Terribly sorry.

As you can see, my references are impeccable.

I think I'd be a real asset here.

My only concern is, I do take care of my mother,

so will there be many late nights?

I can't imagine.

Okay, so Barney's is having this huge sale.

I try this dress on.

Stunning. Stunning.

I couldn't take my eyes off myself.

Yeah.

Okay, so then I put it on at home.

Looks like I'm carrying twins.

So you're saying store, hotsy-totsy,

home, hotsy-notsy.

Yeah. Exactly.

Anyway, I gotta go over there and return it.

I thought we're goin' to the movies?

All right, I'll try it on again.

You tell me what you think.

All right.

Hey, hey.

Hey, George.

Hey, Elaine.

I am telling you, Jerry.

Having a secretary is incredible.

I don't know why I didn't have one before.

Because you didn't have a job?

Perhaps.

I walk in, everything is organized:

messages, appointments.

And I can't tell you how proud I am of myself

for going with Ada.

A lesser man would have crumbled.

They would've gone for the dish

and the sure-fire sexual harassment suit.

It's a little--

All right.

You answered it right there.

You got no waist in that thing.

And your arms look like something

hanging in a kosher deli.

I said all right.

Well, what'd you buy it for?

Why did I buy it?

Because in the mirror at Barney's,

I looked fabulous.

This woman who was just walking by

said I looked like Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal.

How fast was she walking?

De-mi?

I thought it was Dem-i.

No, I think it's De-mi.

Really?

I never heard of a se-mi tractor-trailer.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here.

Skinny mirrors.

What?

Skinny mirrors.

Barney's has skinny mirrors.

They make you look, like, 10 pounds lighter.

Oh, you're crazy.

Am I?

Do you think I would have bought this dress

if I looked like this at Barney's?

You know, I think she may have something there.

Oh! Whoa.

What are you all dressed up for?

I'm returning this dress to Barney's.

Good idea.

Do it tomorrow. We'll go to the movies.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Look, if you're going there,

maybe you could pick me up

some of this super hydrating--

It's a total protection moisturizer with UVA.

Yeah.

Moisturizer? That's girl stuff.

No, no, no. Look. I'll tell you what.

They're having a sale, right?

Yeah?

I'll meet you down there. We'll have lunch.

Well, we could.

Yeah, we'll get to know each other.

We never get to spend any time together.

Oh, sure, we have our little group here--

And then, assuming the strike is resolved,

on April 14th, we play the Angels.

So let's clear a floor at the Anaheim Hotel.

Anaheim Hotel.

You may wanna reconsider.

I believe they only have room service until 10 p.m.,

and then it's only finger foods.

Ada, you're a wonder.

Okay, now, I projected some of those figures for you

regarding the switch to canola oil for the stadium popcorn,

and surprisingly, it will only cost a half a cent more per bag,

so it is definitely doable.

Ada, I have to tell you.

I-- I have never met anybody so...efficient.

Well, thank you. I'm flattered.

I mean, you're just a marvel of organization.

Well, I'm just doing my job.

It's like I'm-- I'm thinking of something,

and you're one step ahead of me.

What can I say? I'm-- I'm good at what I do.

Do you, uh... Do you know what I'm thinking about now?

Yes, I think I do.

Is it, uh...doable?

It's definitely doable.

Well, that was the worst.

I can't believe they made the wife the killer.

Give me a break.

Hey, give us a break.

We haven't seen it yet.

Thanks a lot, big mouth.

You got a pen?

Yeah, I think I do.

I need something to write on.

Well, all I got is my dry-cleaning stub.

I just met Uma Thurman.

She's giving me her telephone number.

Uma, Jerry. Uma!

Uma Thurman? Really?

How'd you manage that?

Yeah, well, I-- I don't have any time to talk now.

He's got the kavorca.

Hey, isn't that Willie, my dry-cleaner?

Where?

He just went in.

You know, I--

I think he was wearing my hound's tooth jacket.

What would he be doing wearing your jacket?

It looked just like the jacket I brought in to be dry-cleaned.

He complemented me on it.

Are you sure?

I got it.

Uma, Uma, Uma.