WolfCop

Ah fuck!

Good morning Woodhaven.

This is WCK, I'm Bob

I'm Dan, and we are BAD Radio. B-A-D Radio.

The clock is tick-tick-ticking down to you know what.

The world famous Drink n Shoot.

Don't you judge me.

Looks like some people might have started early.

We're still getting daily reports about missing dogs and cats.

I'm not pointing any fingers

No, but I'd avoid eating the hotdogs they're showing on me.

And I'd avoid those pork stores anyway.

You know what I've heard Dan?

People are certainly scared to getting eaten

by the infamous Woodhaven walking bear.

- Be a bear is on the attack. - We were.

Mayor Bradley is looking like the election frontrunner.

So will it be golden boy Terry Wallace or

returning heavyweight Mayor Bradley.

Who has what it takes to clean up this town.

Not enough mayors in the world to help our Woodhaven Sheriff Department.

Speaking of which eclipse morning radio is of course brought to you by

Liquor Doughnuts.

Liquor Doughnuts, what more could you ask for?

Where is he?

- I'm right here, genius. - Chief, I was just about to...

Save your bullshit, Lou.

I could smell you the moment you pulled into the station.

Fuck!

Tina should have been off night watch, what, 2 hours ago?

Get an update from her.

- What's up his ass? - They hit Munro's gas station last night.

- Who? - P.D's.

Sergeant Tina Wash.

- Hey, this is Willie Higens. - Willie. You again.

Yeah ah. Slow down.

Okay. I got it.

Disturbance call. Your boyfriend Willie Higens.

You think you can get this one?

Willie!

- What is it this time? - Shhhh.

Won't you come around back?

Officer. Let me show you.

- Please tell me this is Bigfoot sex tape. - No.

Do you believe in the occult, Lou?

Because I think I know what's been happening

to all the missing pets around town.

Jesus Christ?

Teenagers. They've been sacrificing them to Satan.

God knows why, I don't know. I assume they've doing some kinky sexual stuff.

But they've been creeping around in the bushes out back all week.

I'm here in the woods.

I know this is dark, I mean come along.

- Look! Here! - There's the mark of the beast.

Proof.

So I'm going to give you an AK-47, I'm going to take an M-16.

- We're going to fire on those kids... - Have anything in heavy metal?

Like lead... mercury?

- No. - Oh my God.

Been a slice. But I have other police work to do.

This is real, Lou. You gonna see an eye when I do is citizen arrest

on a teenager with a fucking shotgun.

Remember what happened to the boy that cried wolf, Willie.

Nothing happened to him. But that town's flock was fucked.

Town's flock was fucked.

Lou, come in. You there? Over.

Go ahead.

How did that thing go with Higens?

Ah, a bunch of kids partying in the woods.

Following up a possible lead now.

Your usual.

Stocking up for the Drink n Shoot?

Thanks to our forefathers, in two days, this bar will be full of drunk hunters.

That's what we need. Bunch of drunks with guns running around.

Very funny. I'll have you know I haven't fired mine in years.

Are you sure you still know how to use it?

Jess, whiskey for my boys and water for my horses.

Deputy.

Keeping the streets safe I see.

Come on. Beat it!

It's time for a change, Woodhaven.

It's time to take on those who run this town with the drugs and corruption.

Our local law enforcement has done nothing for generations, and Mayor Bradley,

she's more concerned with selling this town than with running it.

It's time we clean up Woodhaven,

and a vote for Wallace is a vote for change.

Vote for Wallace!

Number 1, number 2, 3, 4...

Hello! Hello.

- Did you find anything? - Anything?

- The disturbance calls. - Just some kids partying in the bush.

Well. Seems like they're at it again. We just got another complain.

Maybe you could catch him in the act for a change.

Well, I just started my shift. I could take it.

No, Mr Phinias will be here. He can deal with it. There you go.

Maybe try getting off your bar-stool this time. Just this once.

Party's over! Pack it up!

Save you the pay for work. Go the fuck home.

Aaargh!

What the hell?

- You! - Behind you.

- Hello. - You're awake? I'm impressed.

- Who's this coming in? What's up? - Well, there's been an incident.

- Hey! Don't do that. - Or what?

You forget to shave?

Follow me.

Yeah. Terry Wallace.

Mayoral race just got a whole lot easier to call.

Hello. Did you see anything suspicious last night?

Just didn't peg Terry for a junkie.

Yeah, sometimes people wear different face in public.

Especially politicians. It's a shame. He had my vote.

Ahh. Thank you. Here we go.

Well, that's why I want to try **.

Hunter found him this morning. Called it in.

Looks like he called the whole town too.

Fuck!

I never saw Terry as much of a hunter.

What about the neck wound?

I imagine the critter got to him last night.

Keep your eye open for a stoned coyote.

Well, I mean is it an attack or or is it an OD?

Terms of cause of death, I'm leaning towards an OD but I'll need an autopsy.

All right now, Terry is a well known figure so

we keep this quiet until we got all the facts, alright?

Mayor, was this an animal attack?

Well, of course we can't comment on all the details at the moment,

but, as you know it is our top priority.

How will this impact the festival?

Well, I think in the wake of this tragedy,

the Drink n Shoot is going to have to be canceled.

Oh no!

- What is it Tina? - How do you know it was me?

- I smelt your perfume. - I didn't wear any.

You buying this?

Feels oddly familiar, no?

I'm not trying to dredge up the past. I'm just saying.

When was the last time they canceled the Drink n' Shoot?

I know where you're going with this and I'm not biting.

Just saying.

No, shit!

I'm standing in the forest where locals have gathered for generations

drink in hand to hunt the mystical Woodhaven beast.

Today, this annual tradition is in jeopardy due to a gruesome discovery.

To Terry Wallace.

Such a shame about Terry.

This town could have used some of your blood.

- Wallace certainly got it today. - Wooh.

Too soon?

You know everyone in town.

Popular, very pretty. Maybe you should run.

You think I'd give Mayor Bradley a run for her money?

- You got my vote. - Mine too.

You don't have to ask. What's this?

- Police work. - Really?

What?

I just don't think I've ever seen you do actual work before.

Well, as Terry normally said, it's time for a change.

Alright, we're closing early tonight. Down it or drain it.

What the fuck for?

- Private party. - What the fuck!

Don't worry, we'll be here tomorrow, I promise.

Fucking bullshit!

Alright, these will keep you company while I'm gone.

Friday morning better... I think you're trying to get me drunk.

- Almost done, handsome. - No rush.

- Everything alright? - Yeah. You?

- You want to get out of here? - That is the best idea I've heard all day.

Whoo! You alright fella?

Ooh! Must have eaten something funky.

- Well, let's get you to bed. - That sounds...

I'll be right back.

What the...

Aaargh!

Eeeargh!

Aaargh!

Aaah!

Oh! What the fuck!

Jessica!

Morning, Lou Garou. How's your butt?

Willie, what the hell?

I'm sorry man. I don't take cops. I improvised.

What the hell's gotten into you?

Oh, that's exactly what I was going to ask you.

Play.

- What are you showing me? - That's you, Lou. Last night.

This is Willie. I just shot Lou Garou.

He's a fucking wolf. I just put 3 tranqs right into his back.

Lou? Wolf. Fucking, he's out.

So who's crying wolf now?

Ok ok. So I washed your uniform last night.

It was a little dirty dirty, so I put it in the cold cycle.

A lot of blood.

I'm going to make you some breakfast.

- I think you shrunk it. - What? What was that?

Thank you Willie for helping me. You're welcome.

I could throw you in jail for kidnapping an officer.

Yeah you could and I could sell you to science.

- You are a real fucking guy, Willie. - Thank you.

Now for the secret ingredient.