The Simpsons

D'oh!

Subtitles by explosiveskull

- Here's your raise. - D'oh!

Light! Light! Light...!

Light!

- It's your turn to get up. - Light.

Oh. I'll never understand how something

that came from inside of you became my responsibility.

- Mm. - Out!

Light!

Daddy. Breakfast.

Geez, this kid's kind of smart.

Tuesday.

Au-Autumn.

- She's a genius. - Foliage.

Like the guy who invented shoes with lights in them.

Cornucopia?

Aw, sweetie, it's no surprise you're awesome.

We didn't have to pull you out by the elbow, like the boy.

Mwah.

D'oh!

Harvard College, admissions essay.

Lisa M. Simpson.

I was born with one great advantage in life...

A voice that would make a rhino stick its horn up its butt?

Rhinos are extinct, nimrod.

Not hippos. I just saw one in smelly, blue pants.

Why you little...

I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home.

- Oh, man. - Why you disappointing...

You know you're choking someone who can vote.

- But did you vote? - No.

- Why you little... - Oh, come on, man.

...not voting fascist-enabling...

Must stop President Kid Rock.

I was born with one great advantage,

a family that never made anything easy.

Never more than on my seventh birthday.

It's my birthday!

Seven years old!

I'll wear my favorite blue dress.

I'll wear red, just for today.

It's my birthday.

I want bacon!

Shh!

I can't get Maggie to sleep.

I guess I'll just have to start using these.

Whoa, okay, okay. That's enough for now.

Geez, come on.

Don't make me put you under warm water.

I give up.

Anyone have anything to say to me?

Well, of course, honey.

Get ready for school or you'll be late.

Oy, this baby.

Lisa, sweetie, I know why you're excited.

This is a very big day.

Happy...

...hour at Moe's was extended by an hour.

- Wh-What? - Mwah.

Class, today is a very special day.

It's someone's birthday.

Someone whose parents pretended to forget.

Yes.

And that someone is... Hubert Wong.

Happy birthday, superstar.

Lisa, please don't ruin Hubert's birthday.

You wouldn't like it if someone ruined yours.

I am sorry, but if you can't control yourself,

I'll have to send you to the office.

But you saying that makes me wants to cry more.

Mmm!

No, Hubert. No cupcake for her.

Lisa, school is a place for sitting quietly.

What about learning?

No longer part of our mandate.

Did your mom ever disappoint you?

This isn't about mother,

so don't say a mother word about her.

Don't you dare, Mother, don't you dare.

Ah. It's just me, a student.

I can't hear you, Mother.

She's everywhere and everyone.

I'm everywhere because you're nothing.

Thanks for getting me out of work, sweetie.

- Want the rest of my donut? - No, sir.

What?

Aw, please tell me what's wrong.

I can't tell you. You just have to know.

- Would tickling help matters? - No.

Well, that's really all I have in my toolbox.

Okay, let me think. What's today? Tuesday?

Yes.

That would make you six years and 365 days old.

Yes.

It's your birthday!

And you forgot it, Lisa.

But because it's your birthday, I forgive you.

And you're gonna have the best day ever.

Optimism, you're back.

Attention, world.

It's little Lisa's birthday, and you all forgot.

Not me.

Now I suppose I got to get your kid something.

Just remember them in your prayers.

Both of them? Fine.

And all was well, until the next year,

when they forgot again.

I mean, really, two in a row?

Even Luigi remembers it.

Well, we have-a the same-a birthday.

Makes it easy. You, me, and Hubert Wong.

That's a-right, Hubert. Cupcake for her.

As I got older,

I realized, as all must,

that my parents were not demigods.

You are going to die soon.

Shut up.

You are going to die soon.

Shut up.

Blood pressure spiking.

Shut up!

Calling your doctor.

Hello?

Shut up!

No, they are a man and a woman

trapped in a fragile marriage

that nearly fell apart when I turned 14.

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

I remembered! Don't tell your therapist.

Hee-hee!

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Thank you. It's a wonderful cake, Dad,

but I'm 14.

D'oh!

Happy birthday, Lisa.

We miss you in second grade.

Oh, someday you'll get out of there, Ralph.

I don't want to. I'm bigger than teacher.

I broke my desk. Teacher cry.

I'm growing a mustache under my long nose.

Better use Mom's closet.

Oof. It's full?

Read me. Read me.

Come on, help a letter out.

"Dear Homer,

By the time you read this..."

I will be gone.

Since we married, you've changed.

Not once for the better.

What's it say? I can't read.

So I'm taking the kids and opening

a bed-and-breakfast.

Bitterly, Marge.

Is Mom really leaving Dad?

So, you finally left him.

Well, good for me and good for you.

I finally learned how to unhook a bra with one hand.

Lisa, I know what you're doing.

You're hiding when you're supposed to help me

give the dog a bath.

Mom, Mom!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, God bless you, inertia.

Not until I wash this dog.

Bart, Mom's leaving Dad.

Oh, the poor guy.

Please let me tell him, please.

Pass the gravy.

We used to call it "grave," but that was too scary.

So we modified it to "gravy," unless it had meat chunks.

In which case, it was "gravier," but the war changed everything.

Ugh.

I wish you wouldn't drink so much in front of the kids.

Marge, I tried to drink in the pantry,

but you claim that's antisocial.

Ugh. Why don't you just go to Moe's?

You want me to go to a bar on my daughter's birthday?

That is so messed up.

I'm going, of course, but it is so messed up.

Happy birthday.

Harvard will save me. Harvard will save me.

Kiss me, Lisa, in front of the hall my grandfather endowed.

He made his money in opium, but we said it was molasses.

First, I have to save my parents' marriage.

Wait here in this fantasy?

Yeah, can we, um, you know, see other people?

Sure.

Man, Moe, you sure are spry.

The job keeps me young, eh.

Dad! Mom is gonna leave you.

Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters...

they sit peacefully for years

until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own.

Mom packed her bags.

Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel?

Because she won't get more than a block away with that.

She fixed the wheel.

Oh, God!