The Ren & Stimpy Show

Captioning made possible by comedy central

Hey, kids !

Start jumping up and down like idiots,

because look what's new from log this time !

It's all-new action log !

With realistic facial moss !

And you can dress new action log for adventure

with these great new action outfits !

There's log of Arabia...

officer log...

athletic log... and cheerleader log.

You can explore uncharted arctic terrain

with sergeant log, of the Yukon !!

And get set for super secret spy action

with agent double-o-log.

And how about the all-new log lion tamer play set ?

And girls, you'll swoon when you hear singing log.

Look out, earthlings !

Here comes the mysterious log from mars !

Kids, you can be just like dad

with the armchair quarterback adventure play set.

And you'll have hours of fun playing doctor

with the log authentic civil war first aid station !

Yes, when it's this much fun, it must be log.

You're an idiot.

I am so sick of your stupidity.

Thank heaven my cousin Sven is coming to visit.

I still remember the days when Sven and I

were in the whelping box together.

I can hardly wait to have

an intellectual conversation again.

Ahh, excuse me, Ren.

It's time for my appointment !

That's it !

I've had enough of your tomfoolery !

Cousin Sven !

He's here !

Now, you're gonna meet a dog with real breeding.

He's a Hoek.

He's got my blood.

At last, cousin, come on in !

Say something intelligent.

Duh, he is Ollie, you are Sven.

He is Ollie, you are Sven.

Sven, get in here, you old yak gelder !

I want you to meet my friend, Stimpy.

He's an idiot.

Wow... !

Stimpy, say hello to a superior creature.

Duh, hello, superior creature !

Duh, he is Ollie, you are Sven.

He is Ollie, you are Sven.

Is that the face of intelligence or what ?

Turn around, you sick little monkey !

Hee ! Haw !

Whee !

Wah... !

Wa-Wu-Wa !

Whee-ahh ! Whee-ahh !

I'll go get some refreshments.

Stimpy, help Sven unpack.

Duh, okay !

Duh, you are my new friend.

I share with you.

Say, what's that ?

It's my jar of spit.

I've been saving it since I was a child.

You saved your spit ?

Wait here !

I wanna show you something.

Look !

It's my magic nose goblins.

Jiminy !

I picked them myself.

Look what I have for you !

Wow !

What is it ?!

It's my ball of band-aids.

I've saved every band-aid I've ever used.

Here, this one's from 1962.

Joy !

Whoops !

Uh, I'll get it.

What's that ?

Oh, that's just my brain.

It's always falling out.

Willikers !

It's so big !

I know.

( cranking, bomb falling )

You want to see mine ?

Okay !

Golly !

Hey, Ren !

Your cousin is the coolest !

We're lodge brothers.

We both belong to the loyal order of stupids !

Yah, and now we show you our secret handshake.

( kettle boiling, whistling )

Give me !

Now, cut that out !

I am going to work now.

So don't do anything stupid !

Let's play seek and hide !

Okay.

9, 11... k, fjord...

one hundred !

Okay, here I comin' !

I'm looking for you now !

I'm finding you !

I'm hiding in the closet !

Like an idiot !

Hey !

What is this beautiful thing ?

Duh, it's my first material possession.

Can I have some ?

Sure, hop in.

Stimpy... ?

I love this !

I know.

Hey !

This is private !

What shall we do now ?

I know, let's play circus !

Look at me ! I am a juggler !

( swoosh, splat splat )

And I am a bearded lady !

And I'm a sword swallower !

Ahh...

Whoops.

I hate rainy days.

Yah, and me too.