Flora & Ulysses

The Silver Surfer.

He first appeared with the Fantastic Four and can travel at the speed of light.

And, somehow, nobody seems to notice that he is completely naked.

Wolverine, a mutant with superhuman strength

who can heal himself and take down any villain.

He just shouldn't pick his nose.

And Incandesto, my dad's perfect creation.

He can shine with the light of a thousand suns

and rescue any soul from the darkness of despair.

However different they are, all superheroes come to us with a purpose,

to save those in need.

To stand watch when danger closes in.

But they have one thing in common.

They never show up in the real world.

Oh, boy. What now, Flora?

They're in mint condition.

I keep them in protective sleeves and try not to breathe when reading them.

Sellin' your whole collection?

If you ask me, great art belongs to the world.

I didn't. 'Cause I own a comic book store. And you're eight.

- Ten. - What, inches tall?

Look, I can take these to the store down the street.

Yeah, all right.

Let's see here, what do we got?

Wait.

Not that one.

All right, (SIGHS) I'll give you 30 bucks for everything.

- Thirty? You barely even looked at them. - Yeah, because I got a tournament to host.

You think these guys have been sittin' here for 16 hours

so that I can sit here talkin' to Flora the Explorer?

Some of these are worth that alone.

Can you just go back through them?

- I'll wait. - (SIGHS) I know you will.

Hey, watch it. Oh! Hey... Oh, come on!

Epic fail.

- (MAN CRYING) - Uh...

Thirty sounds good.

Yeah, 30 sounds great.

Some would still believe life is a comic book

filled with wonder,

where miraculous things happen.

Where families stay together.

But I am a cynic,

and a cynic knows that superheroes are only in your head.

Looks like fun.

Not for me. I've more serious matters to attend to.

Oh, right. Me, too. The righteous never rest.

The danger is what's real.

Heads up! - (FLORA GRUNTS)

That girl just ate it.

Not that it's easy to let go of hope.

Flora, are you reading the books I bought you?

Yep!

Remember our contract.

Cynics live in defiance of contracts.

What? Cynics invented contracts.

- See? So much better than comic books. - Mmm-hmm.

Come downstairs, I wanna show you something.

So what do you think about the new addition? (SIGHS)

Nothing in here looks new.

Old is the new new. I keep telling you that.

I thought you were talking about being 40.

I'm 36.

- Sure. - So what do you think? (SIGHS)

About you being 36? Skeptical.

About this.

Wow, you replaced your computer with a typewriter?

Yeah.

It's gonna be hard to get on the Internet.

Exactly. That's the whole point.

My next novel is set in the 1920s,

so this is gonna get me to tap into the language.

Except for the "" key, 'cause the "" key doesn't work.

My mother is a romance novelist.

She said her books were about superheroes too.

But their superpower was something I wasn't old enough to know about yet.

She wrote about love because she had love.

We all did.

But ever since Dad moved out, she couldn't write anything.

I think maybe Dad was her "" key.

You know what? I'll just write in the "."

Heel! Heel! Heel!

- Heel! Oh, no! Searching.

Help! Help!

Runaway vacuum! Stop.

- Bad robot. Stop! Searching.

Holy Bagumba.

I know. It's good, right?

(GRUNTS) Sit! You sit!

No, it's terrible.

Boundary. Boundary.

I can help! Helping.

You got nowhere to go.

You're surrounded by boundaries.

Evolving.

- It's evolving. - I got it!

Evolving.

- Come on. Evolving.

- (CHITTERS) - (TOOTIE GROANS)

I got it. I got it. No, I don't.

Archie, look out!

Trash.

Trash. Trash. No!

- (GASPS) - Oh!

Canister full.

No...

If you're wondering how a squirrel's mouth tastes,

it's exactly how you'd think.

Fuzzy, damp, and slightly nutty.

But Incandesto fights for the weak, no matter how they taste.

And so would I.

Come on. Breathe.

Hello.

Why's he staring at us?

Maybe he's wondering why we're staring at him.

Because he was just dead?

Tootie? Did you turn on the Ulysses?

I spilled my Froot Loops again.

- (SQUIRREL CHITTERS) - Ulysses.

My dad drew heroes with powers you couldn't always see

until you needed help and realized they were the only ones there.

Like the Mighty Condor.

- Shobo the Homeless Warrior. - (GRUNTS)

- And, of course, the Amazing Incandesto. - (GROANS)

They all had power and purpose and courage.

But when my dad couldn't get any of them published,

he lost his.

And even though my mom tried to help him get his courage back,

there was nobody who could save him.

Hey, maybe the Mighty Condor needs to be more hero-y.

How 'bout a cape?

(GROANS) Who am I kidding? I can't keep doin' this.

George, capes could pay the mortgage.

There was nobody who could save him.

And nobody who could save us.

Most kids would've hoped for things to work out differently.

- (CHITTERS) - But cynics don't hope.

They see what's real.

You have to stay in here, okay?

If my mom finds you, she might think you're a rat and hit you with a pan.

- That's how I lost my hamster. - (GASPS)

Flora? I'm coming.

(OVER PA) Ladies and gentlemen,

fax machines, calculators,

and all other outdated technology is now 50% off.

Outdated technology, 50% off.

Pause.

Hey, Chad.

Quick thing. I'm gonna put on my manager hat here for just one second.

I'm gonna need you to push those extended warranties on the printers.

I always offer it to people,

but they ask if the printers break, and they usually don't.

I'm gonna fast-forward this to the end here.

Sell the warranties.

Yeah. I understand the selling warranties part.

I don't quite understand how you're controlling time

- with an invisible remote. Excuse me, sir?

You helped me so much the last time I was here.

- I remember. - I was wondering if...

I know you're his daughter.

Oh...

Back to work.

Is everything okay?

- Yeah. I saved a squirrel. - What?

Do you remember how they explained

infant CPR in Terrible Things Can Happen To You?

Chapter 12, Grave Mistakes.

Exactly. I just pretended the squirrel was a furry little baby,

and it worked. I named him Ulysses. This is for him.

Did you put your mouth on the squirrel?

- I had to. - Was he clean?

Probably not.

Probably not or definitely not?

- Definitely not. But I had to. - Correct. Right.

Can I just take these?

I'll take care of it. Employees get 3% off.

- Nice. - Yeah, it's way better than healthcare.

So, I found a new publisher.

They mostly do online stuff,

but I think Incandesto would be better on a computer.

'Cause he can light up.

You know, don't worry about it, okay?

I could submit it for you.

I just don't think the world is ready for Incandesto.