Star Trek: Lower Decks

Ah! The blood of my enemies is forever immortalized

on my d'k tahg.

I can still taste their final panicked screams.

My death will be ecstasy.

A glorious end that will take me straight to Sto'Vo'Kor.

I have honored my house, but will you?

How many soldiers in the Klingon empire

will be proving theirtoduj?

- Four! - I heard... four.

And so begins the greatest adventure of your lives.

You will all die on this quest,

but will you do it with honor?

- Yeah! - Honor!

Come on, natural 20.

Qapla'! You've rolled an 18,

which means thepetaQ is frozen in fear

by your battle cry.

Okay, while he's cowering,

I strike him down with my mek'leth.

- Your blow landed. - Whoo!

But his brother swears revenge.

Reinforcements are on their way.

I can't believe Martok recorded all this.

You'd think he'd be too busy being a chancellor and stuff.

No, no, he didn't. It's a Ferengi knockoff.

They do it for all the famous Klingons.

I've been trying to get the Gowron expansion for months.

Ah, it's so nice to all be back together.

I needed a break from all the battles and court-martials.

It hasn't been a break for me.

Ransom's made it his mission to catch me messing up.

He's been riding my ass

just waiting for me to break protocol.

Ah, I would love to be a number one's number one.

Ensign Mariner, where are you?

In the repair bay, repairing stuff.

When we have a mission briefing, I expect you to be early.

It doesn't start for an hour!

I know. You're almost late

for being early. Move it!

Are you coming, Rutherford?

Nah, I want to finish playing.

I'll just be regular early.

I punch my own chest, excited for more foes to vanquish.

Your battle chest punches fail to boost your stamina.

- Dang it. - You know, I think

this whole Ransom thing might be good for Mariner.

She hasn't been in the brig in forever.

Yeah. Making the best of a bad situation

worked for Vendome.

That's how he got to be captain so fast.

Yeah, right. Captain Vendome.

Oh, can you imagine?

What do you mean? He's a captain.

You didn't hear?

Ha! Captain of what, the USS Gullible?

Guys, I'm not falling for this.

No, of the Inglewood.

Yeah. He transferred there months ago.

Dude, are you messing with us?

The Inglewood? Tha-That's Chapman's ship.

It was until a temporal rift turned him into a baby.

Vendome got a field promotion,

- and it stuck. - What?!

But-but he's a goofball.

Vendome's the guy who gets hit with a spear

on away missions.

Well, that goofball breezed up the ranks.

"completing a meteoric rise to captain."

I can't believe this.

Every single thing I do is calculated

to help me make captain one day,

and this guy just lucks into it.

I wouldn't say it was luck.

Vendome was always saying yes to new opportunities.

He volunteered for any mission he could, good or bad.

- Now look at him. - Tendi, it's not that easy.

I can't just go jumping into things

without knowing the risks.

Warrior, you discover

a shortcut through the caves of T'rachmor.

Do you enter the darkness?

No way. I'm not trying to get cave killed.

I'll stay on the path.

Ah! Ambush by House Dormat!

You beg for your life like ablHnuch

and live out the rest of your days not as a warrior

but as a dentist.

- Ouch. - Aw, man.

Brutal.

Dulaine has a thermosphere

that's messy with charged ions,

so transporters are out of the picture.

Instead, they've built a system of orbital lifts,

one of which is malfunctioning.

So, it's a broken-down space elevator?

They're not elevators.

- They're orbital lifts. -

The Cerritosis hosting

all the passengers who got stuck here

while we repair and coordinate with Dulainians on the ground.

All right. Ooh, coordinating is my specialty.

These guys are one of those sexy cultures

that run everywhere and kiss hello, right?

Their society is wellness-based, yes.

Well-yes, let's get down there and get the party started.

Wearen't going anywhere.

Mr. Billups, you and your man are heading planetside

- to liaise with the Dulainians. - What?!

Really? I mean,

usually engineers are the ones who do the repairs,

but if that's what you want, then...

But they'd be better and faster at this than us.

Don't question my orders, Ensign.

We're perfectly capable of repairing an elev...

uh, an orbital lift.

Mr. Billups, just give the Dulainians our greetings,

keep them apprised of the repairs and, uh...

Try not to have too much fun down there.

- Yes, sir. - Yeah!

Hmm.

Did you know that Vendome

staffed his whole bridge crew with Bolians?

Ooh, I didn't. But that's really cool.

I know, right?

No matter how careful I am, no matter how hard I try,

I feel like I'm gonna be an ensign

- for the rest of my life. Again,

if planning and trying aren't working,

maybe don't do that.

- You sound like Mariner. - Well, look at me.

It wasn't my plan to get into senior science officer training.

It just happened. And now I've got

so much new stuff to study, and I'm loving it!

That could be you if you tried something new.

Yo, Boimler.

We got an open spot in the springball tournament.

We need a wiry dude who's hard to hit.

- You want in? - Sweaty muscleheads

drilling balls at my face? No, thanks.

Wow. Could've just said no, man.

Boimler. Vendome?

Uh, wait!

Sherwyns, I'm in.

Let's-let's do this. Let's, uh,

spring that ball.

- -

Good game, Ensign.

- I'm impressed. -

By my athletic ab-b-bility?

What? No, no, no. By that sustained scream

when I bowled you over. You were really wailing.

Thanks. I get a lot of practice.

Listen, I run a choir when I'm off duty.

Bajoran dirges. I've been looking for a soprano.

You interested?

A dirge choir? I...

will try that. Sure, yeah.

- Let's, uh, let's get dirgey. All right!

That's the ticket. You're gonna have a blast!

We've got the saddest dirges in the quadrant.

- -

You honor the Prophets

with that pitch, Bradward.

If you ever need a favor, I'm a combadge tap away.

Really? Uh, wow. Uh, thank you, sir.

Mr. Boimler.

Aah! Geez, Lundy, you're too...

Oh, you're too scary, man.

You can't jump out at people like that.

Can I guess your weight?

I'd peg you at a healthy 61.2 kilos.

Wow. Uh, yeah. That's e-exactly right.

Mm. My figure drawing class needs a skeletal boy

for our life drawing this afternoon.

Have you ever sat for oil?

Uh...

Oil me up.

Ow.

- What the hell even is this? 20.

I hope you're-- 21--

Being careful not to-- 22--

Misalign the dampeners. 23.

Are you really lifting right now?

I'd barely call this lifting. Oh, yeah.

You know, two people working on this

would get it done so much faster.

You know, like two engineer-type people?

Can an engineer do that?

Uh, yeah. With a step stool.

Billups to Commander Ransom. Come in.

How's it going down there, Billups?

I'll tell you, these Dulainians are a friendly people.

You know they kiss instead of shaking hands?

- With tongue! - Yeah, with tongue.

Control yourself, Andy. We wouldn't want you