King of the Hill

See the tall one with braces? That's Amanda.

I'd give anything to be a flannel nightgown

at that sleepover.

It'll never happen.

But I do have an unobstructed view

of hot girl-on-girl pillow-fight action from my bedroom window.

Not as good as the view from my roof with my dad's thermal goggles.

I'll be able to see their body heat...

Later, Bobby.

Lights out at 9:30.

After that, no laughing, no singing.

No flashlights, no ghost stories.

No nothing, except sleep!

Also, you have to sign this.

It says that we are not responsible

for any injury that might occur during sleepover.

Hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Uh, Susan Clemmons, is it?

You forgot to initial here!

Ok. Enjoy sleepover.

Dang! Show's over!

What are you doing? What part of the contract didn't you understand?

Give me the pillows!

That's it, Susan. Hide the pillow. Good girl.

Oh.

Come on, cough it up!

You're not gonna sleep now, are you?

I'd leave now, but I already paid your dad for the continental breakfast.

Yeah.

Bobby!

Honest, Connie. I... I wasn't watching.

Bobby, my party's dying. Can you come over?

Yes!

Whoo, Bobby! Take it off!

Oh, my God!

Shake it, baby. Oh, give me some motion.

Oh, yeah!

She's got nice ones!

Hey, what are you doing?

This is a sleepover, not a play-music-loud-all-night-over!

What's Chang Wassanasong doing here?

I might have told him you were having a sleepover.

What's up, ladies?

Beat it, Wassanasong!

Check it out. It's "Booby" Hill.

When God was passing out wit, you thought he said zit

and you asked for seconds.

Now, out the window!

We're not going anywhere.

We came for a pillow fight.

Connie's dad took them all.

Then how about just fight?

What was that? What...

No boys in slumber party!

Oh, hey, Chang.

How you doing? How's your dad?

Still on membership committee at Nine River Country Club?

Yes, sir, Mr. Soup.

We were just walking by

and we saw Bobby sneaking in the window

and I wanted to make sure Connie was ok.

Bobby Hill, out the window!

Chang, you and your friends may use the door.

All right, guys. The girls aren't here.

We don't have to pretend to be tough.

Oh! Come on. I... I live next door.

All I have to do is scream and my dad

will be on you like flies on pie!

If you eat some dirt,

then maybe I'll leave you alone.

But I don't wanna eat any dirt.

Well, maybe just a little.

Yum, that's good dirt.

You didn't eat any.

Dad! Dad! Dad!

Help!

Bobby?

What have you been eating?

Dirt!

Chang Wassanasong made me eat dirt!

He beat me up!

I'll get some ice.

Don't worry, Dad. I'll find out Chang's address

so you can go over there and make his dad eat dirt.

Bobby, remember when you were 10 years old

and I pulled that big girl off you at the park?

Well, that's not happening anymore.

There is only one person who can fight your battles for you.

And I know you don't want to hear this, but that person is you.

Look at me! This can't fight.

Well, then take a boxing course at the YMCA.

You can learn anything at the Y.

That's where I learned how to fight.

You know, that's also where I learned to swim.

So, taking those boxing lessons

kept the bullies from picking on you?

Bullies, picking on me?

Uh,

well, yeah. Sure. Why not?

Well, I'm sorry. Boxing is full.

But I can put you on the wait list.

People are always getting hurt.

You've gotta help me defend myself from Chang Wassanasong.

There is one other class, but it wouldn't be right for you.

There's nothing about the YMCA that's right for me.

But until I'm famous enough to afford my own bodyguard,

I am going to have to learn how to defend myself!

Now, do your job, sir!

Every one of you in this class is heavily armed right now.

That's right. Your key chain, your fists,

that huge engagement ring.

Um, are you sure you're in the right class?

This is women's self-defense.

Please, Miss. All the other courses are full.

I'm sorry. It's for women only.

We're trying to maintain a certain comfort level here.

But I hate men as much as you.

I don't hate men! I just hate being a victim!

I hate being a victim, too.

Look, I was at a girls' slumber party last night

when three men pushed me to the ground and made me eat dirt!

Oh, my.

Ok, you can stay.

Now, grab a whistle and prepare to be empowered!

Most women who are attacked are subdued by verbal threats.

Today, we're going to get used to hearing these threats,

keeping our cool,

and practicing some responses of our own

to the most vulnerable areas of a man's anatomy.

Shut up and give me your purse!

I don't know you! That's my purse!

Ok. I want everybody to try it.

You first.

See? I don't hate men.

Give me your purse. Now!

That's my purse.

Don't be afraid to shout it.

That's my purse! Try it again.

That's my purse! I don't know you!

All right.

What did you get for number five on the test?

"D." "D"?

I thought you wrote "B."

Hey, Booby.

Connie, when you kiss this loser, do you still taste dirt?

No. Not anymore. Jerk!

You asked her about the dirt, she answered.

I don't think we have any more business.

Don't smart-mouth me, Hill!

Oh! (Connie) Hey!

Get away from me!

Get away from me.

Come on, eat some dirt!

Let go of my purse!

Huh?

I don't know you!

Who's next?

Mom! Dad!

Chang was waiting for me after school!

Did you remember to tell him

that inside every bully there's a coward?

That's ok, Peggy.

I don't see any blood. No dirt.

You ran away, didn't you?

No. I stayed and fought! And I won!

This is so much cooler than getting beat up!

Well, all right, Son!

You know, that Chang Wassanasong

must know all kinds of Oriental martial arts.

And you beat him with good old American YMCA know-how.

Yeah, we're all excited.

But before you get too carried away,

I should let you know that I got detention tomorrow.

Detention for beating up a bully?

Well, I'd say somebody's earned himself

a trip to a PG-13-rated movie.

My dad says that whenever you're in a jail-type situation,

the best way to survive is to take out

the biggest guy there.

That way, you establish

who's boss right from the get-go.

Or you can hang yourself with your pants.