Solar Opposites

Just got some work done on my sleeve, check it out.

It's the tribal symbol for "Digiorno."

It's so cool that it's not delivery.

Attention students.

As we do every month, it's time to announce

the winner of Best Couple.

Give it up for Annie and Yumyulack!

- Fuck yeah, brah. - Fuckin' told you, son.

All y'all bitches need to pay up right now.

Bae, what's going on here?

Bae, there's something I have to tell you.

Bae, you can tell me anything

within the 2000-5000 Hz frequency range.

Otherwise, it's just static.

Bae, everyone at school decided to place a bet

that I'm so hot, I could win Best Couple with anyone,

even a Q-tip-shaped, rough draft Pixar-looking motherfucker like you.

- Oh. - But there's one thing I didn't bet on.

Actually falling in love with you.

I can't frickin' believe this.

It's okay if you're mad. I get it.

I'm not mad. I didn't know you could bet on high school stuff!

That's awesome!

I'm gonna gamble on everything!

I don't think that's the lesson you should be--

It's time to get all Molly's Game up in this bitch!

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

Until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa

and escaped into, uh, the space,

searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.

We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking this whole time.

I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.

This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

This is ridiculous.

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

They get so excited about going to Mars.

Have you ever been to Mars? I-I-I went to Mars one time.

Not so cool. Not even a Starbucks.

Feel, Korvy! These Ped Eggs are amazing!

I scraped all the plaque off my feet, and I can taste the floor again!

Terry, you got your flakes all over the floor. That's disgusting.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

If this is what I think it is, I'm going to literally shit my teeth off.

It's here!

Our one-of-a-kind Crystal Skull Vodka-brand bullet signed by Mark Hamill

that we won from that auction on eBay!

She's more beautiful than I ever imagined.

Let's go get some photos so I can make my bullet group on Facebook

seethe with jealousy.

Who's got the most collectable ammunition now, Denise?

Ya fat bitch!

Ooh! Let's go take a photo like we're in Charlie's Angels!

Don't mind me, just channeling hard Lucy Liu vibes over here.

Wait, we're not doing the Kristen Stewart one?

No! That's two reboots too far.

No! Fuck! Our bullet! I shot our priceless bullet!

Goddammit, Terry! That bullet was one of a kind!

You don't just find vodka merch

signed by stars of Uber Eats commercials every day!

- Wait, I can see it! - What?

I shot it straight up, and my eyesight is really good

because I masturbate a lot.

Don't stop staring at it.

Is-is it coming down yet? - It's not a shitty "shoot in the air

when the Dodgers win the World Series"-type bullet, Korvo.

This thing is aerodynamic as hell.

it's gonna be up there for a while!

Shit. Keep an eye on it!

We have to catch it before it hits the ground and loses half its value.

Okay, It's still going up. I can do this.

Just make sure nothing distracts me. - I'm on it!

What's with the comically large suit of armor?

We have an amazing plan!

It's for Cherie. It'll make her look huge, right?

I mean, yeah, if she can move in it. Who's she fighting?

It's designed to inspire, not for battle.

She can wear it when she takes over as leader of the Wall.

We're thinking of calling her "The Duchess."

Eh? It's good, right?

Are you hearing this? This is just the Duke all over again!

No, when she tells everyone she's back and Tim's dead, she has to be herself.

I know these people.

They want someone divine,

someone larger than life to lead them,

like Cher or Peanut, the Jeff Dunham puppet.

She's already coming back from the dead.

Which is why the suit will seal the deal.

But they deserve an honest leader.

Someone accessible, like George Washington or Dr. Dre.

Early Dre, not sellout Dre.

Although, he does make a damn good headphone.

All I know is we have to keep Pezlie out of it.

She needs to stay hidden and safe.

We all agree on that.

Nobody needs to know about this little angel.

So, which is it going to be? Lead as yourself--

Or as a savior?

In a bangin' suit of armor.

Yummers, you okay?

I heard about what happened with Annie.

I'm assuming you're going to do some fucked up sci-fi revenge now?

- Nah, I'm fine. - Wait, really?

The only thing I'm upset about is that it took me this long

to figure out people can make money off dumb high school bets.

Well, silver lining:

now that you're single, you could come to the JV Mock Model UN tomorrow with me.

Or maybe we can float around together in my Lakitu cloud?

I bought it with the club Nintendo points

the government sent out during the recession.

Hell no. I don't do afterschool activities.

I am an afterschool activity.

Hey, look, it's fucknut number one.

- What's up, turdsquirt? - Good one.

I heard about the betting, and I want in.

Aw, the baby thinks he can bet with the big boys.

Nobody wins a social politics bet against Mark and Clark Hamburger.

What do you got?

Fifty bucks says those totally different kids over there,

the princess, the brain, the bad boy, the athlete, and the freak,

will never become friends.

Goddammit.

But they're all so different from each other!

How could they form a bond?

Don't you know how high school works?

Pay up, taint hair.

He said pay up, stank wad.

I can't. We have a gold machine,

but I got addicted to girlfriend experiences last year

and I made too much gold, which reduced the scarcity,

so now all gold is worthless.

Yeah, right, I've heard that bullshit before.

Looks like it's time to get burgered!

No! Stop burgering me!

I can't breathe under all this meat-themed bullying!

Oh!

T-t-triple or nothing?

- What did you just say? - Triple or nothing.

Any bet. I choose. - Deal.

And this time, when you lose, you better have that money,

or we'll dig you out an asshole just so we can fill it with firecrackers.

You a king, Terry.

Let's get some Visine on those squiggly pupils.

Whoa, wind's shifting a bit.

It's probably hitting the maximum height. Keep staring.

I got it.

I got it.

Hey! Hey, fuckin' aliens! Did you just touch my fucking car?

Calm down, Glen, it was an accident.

Terry's keeping an eye on our Crystal Skull vodka-brand bullet

that we shot into the sky, and his elbow lightly grazed your car

as he was adjusting his position.

I don't know what the fuck words you just said.

All I know is nobody touches my car. You got it?

That's all you know? It's a miracle you've survived this long.

Gah!

Geez, Yum, you look wrecked.

Maybe because those sociopathic Hamburger brothers

are going to kill me in the most homoerotic way possible.

I guess Mark's still upset because he and his Betty just broke up.

They murdered an ophthalmologist last summer,

and the guilt was too much to bear.

Wait, you understand all this school social stuff?

Oh yeah, I love hot goss.

At any one time, I can name the five seniors

with vodka-dipped tampons in their butts.

I think I will go with you to that JV Mock Model UN meeting after all.

You want to spend time doing the things I like,

with no ulterior motive?

I don't know what "ulterior" means, so I can honestly say "Hell yes!"

Yay!

Holy shitballs.

That's the sexiest motherfucking Beyblade I've ever seen.

Oh, not just any Beyblade, Jesse.

This is the Platinum Beyblade Burst 800, Takara Tomy edition.

I gotta be honest, I'm gooshing over here.

Get your dirty hands off the merch, Pupa!

Ooh.

This is going to take my gambling to the next level!

Wait right here, Sister. We're just packaging up your order right now.

I threw in an extra Swedish Fish, on the house.

May the bow be with you.

Look, whatever Cherie does, I just ask that you support her.

Of course. Not everyone is comfortable with sainthood.

She's been through a lot,

but at her core, she just wants to protect all of us.

Well, whatever she chooses, the Wall will be stable and--

Tim! Oh god, he's dead!

The cricket is back!

Tim... is dead!

Cherie? No, this isn't possible. How?

- What is she doing? - I don't know!

You're all grown-ass adults who were shrunk down, just like me.

And you deserve the truth.

There is a hole in the back of the Wall!

No, no, not like this.

I know because Tim tried to kill me.

He pushed me through that hole into the backyard.