Frasier

Frasier!

Corny!

Welcome back to Boston.

My God, you haven't aged a day.

And you…

Well, thanks for coming to pick me up.

My pleasure.

How was your father's funeral?

Emotional, but it was a good sendoff.

He'll be missed.

-Of course. My condolences. -Thank you.

Weren't you traveling with your nephew? Niles and Daphne's son?

Yes, yes, he should be along any minute.

Sorry for the delay, Uncle Frasier.

I took a sleeping pill on the flight for my anxiety

and I had to balance it out with three shots of espresso.

So, I am feeling…

Amazing, I am feeling so good.

David, I'd like you to meet Alan Cornwall.

Alan, meet my nephew David.

Alan is an old pal of mine from my Oxford days

and the professor who wrote your recommendation to Harvard.

Well met, David.

How have your first few weeks at school been?

A little rocky, to be honest.

Well, chin up.

You can't be doing any worse than this one poor kid

in my Intro to Psych class.

On day one, in front of 300 students,

he runs in late, trips,

spills coffee all down his white shirt,

and then he loses a shoe that we still haven't found.

Yeah, look. Look at this dolt.

So, lots of changes in your life.

Still can't believe how big TV personality

Frasier Crane walks away from his talk show.

It was time. I told them,

"Get off your knees, stop begging,

I'm already out the door."

-And things with Charlotte? -She told me the same thing.

But it was for the best.

After 20 years in Chicago,

it was time for George Bailey to get that old bag

out of the closet and see the world.

-Ah. -Ubp, ubp, ubp.

Let me, Uncle.

Sorry.

Here.

Oh!

I don't have the heart to tell him that's not my luggage.

Oh, gosh, I could sure use a breve latte

before we hit the road.

-Excuse me? Frasier Crane? -Yes?

Sir, I know it's exciting to see a celebrity like my uncle,

but I beg you for a little privacy.

He just had a very exhausting trip.

Look how haggard he is.

Don't worry, I have an eidetic memory.

So you tell me your address,

and I'll make sure you get an autographed photo.

I don't know either of you.

He dropped his wallet and I saw the license.

Oh, good Lord. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

-Sorry about that, Uncle. -Oh, forget it.

I can't. Eidetic memory.

I'll get the coffee.

He's fun.

I'm so pleased you finally agreed

to come and guest lecture my class.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Plus, I wanted to stop in and check on my son.

Well, didn't you just see Freddy in Seattle?

Ugh, you Americans and your ghastly attachments

to your children.

No, no, he didn't make it to the funeral.

Some sort of a work emergency.

And how are things between you two?

I remember how tense it was when he dropped out of Harvard.

All these years later, I still don't get it.

But he's forging his own path and I support that.

And I believe you.

Now, look, now we're both liars.

Come on.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, can I help you?

Freddy! Surprise!

Dad. You're… at my door.

Unannounced.

You know, there's a shorter way to say that.

"Surprise!"

I'm in town for a guest lecture,

I wanted to say hello.

Oh, great.

Hello.

Okay.

Yes, thank you, I'd love to come in.

So…

Your place is so…

Damn, when I started that sentence

I thought I'd think of something.

Yeah, sorry. The Picasso's getting reframed

and the whole second floor's in the shop.

You know, you have your mother's sense of humor, Frederick.

No, no, it's-it's charming,

it reminds me of the sort of place one would…

Wrestle a cartoon rat for a crust of bread.

There it is.

Your subtle reminder I'd make more money

if I wasn't just a firefighter.

No, no, I admire what you do.

It's a noble profession, it's just that…

You did so well in your psych classes at Harvard.

Right, but I wanted to do something important.

What I do is important.

It's at least as important as what you do.

Okay, sure, let's find someone

who has low self-esteem and is also on fire,

and see which one of us they run to first.

There's that mother of yours again.

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

We missed you at the funeral.

And, um…

I brought you something.

I think your grandfather would've wanted you to have it.

Oh, cool. Thanks.

I'll open it later.

Later? Well, I know he's not

waiting for a thank-you note, but still.

Freddy, can you turn down your dad's TV show, it's r

Oh!

It's a live show.

Wow. Hi.

I don't need to be told who you are.

I wish I could say the same.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Eve.

I'm sure Freddy's told you all about me.

I have a funny anecdote about that: no, he has not.

Didn't know you had a girlfriend,

let alone one who'd moved in with you.

-Oh, we… -We've been caught up

in the, you know, whirlwind romance.

You know how that is.

Anyway, Dad, so good to see you.

What? Well, hold on,

why don't I get you guys a cup of coffee or something,

or even dinner? I mean, we've got a lot to catch up on.

Oh, sure, yeah, let's see.

Uh, I got a new pair of sneakers,

hit a triple in softball,

and I realized I just don't get jazz.

Anyway, now you're all caught up.

Freddy. I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow.

Can't you just spare me half an hour?

Dad, I wish I could.

But Eve's got a double shift, I got a crazy week at work…

How do you know?

Are they scheduling the fires in advance now?

Dad, it's just… It's just not a good time.

All right, well…

I'll see you next time.

You know, I am still not used to you

calling me your girlfriend.

Do you know why?

Because you're not my girlfriend?

Because I'm not your girlfriend.

I'm sorry for roping you in like that,

it's just I didn't feel like explaining

our whole situation to my dad, he…

And I-I love the guy, but he can be kind of…

Ugh!

So, he doesn't know about John?

He does not know about John.

Thank God I got him out of here fast enough.

He smelled really good, though.

Yeah, he always smells really good.

Thank you. Gosh, that was exhilarating.

That was great, Uncle Frasier.

That's right. Uncle Frasier.

He's my uncle.

He's right, you know.

I've rarely seen these students so engaged.

Then again, I've rarely seen these students.

I really should pop into class more often.

-Oh, no. -What? What? Who's that?

It's our department head Olivia Finch.

Brilliant scholar, but an absolute terror.

Cold. Disengaged. Narcissistic.

She's called me all those things.

She sounds dreadful.

Dr. Crane, you are a true legend.

And yet there's something about her I just like.

-Olivia Finch. -Hello.

Mm, if I may be so bold,

I'd like to skip straight to the point.

Every morning, I wake up and I think,

"How can I make this department better?"

And since I can't fire Alan

Tenure!

The next best thing would be to have you teach here permanently.