Coffee and Cigarettes

Yeah, uh, hello. You're Steve?

Steven. Steven. Hi.

- Sit down. - Roberto?

- I'm all wound up, - Yeah.

You're wound up? I'm wound up too.

- Yes. - All wound up.

- Ahh... What are you drinking... coffee? - Coffee. Yes

- very good for me, coffee. For you? - I love coffee.

- You love it too? - I Love it.

- Steve! - Steven.

Steve...

I love coffee.

What do you do?

Oh, you know, I just relax, sit around, maybe have a cigarette.

Yes?

Cigarettes and coffee, I think go together good.

I don't know, you think you drink too much of it?

No. Coffee is good for health, yeah?

I like to drink before I go to sleep.

I drink a lot of coffee before I go to sleep. So I can dream faster.

I can dream, like when they put a camera on the Indy 500...

when they put a camera in the car, and it's just whipping by like that.

Dream after dream after dream after dream.

People ask me the next day, what did you dream about?

I say, I don't have time. I don't have time to tell you this.

- Do you smoke? - Only when I drink... coffee.

Do you know my mother?

- Do I know your mother? - Yeah.

I don't know, I don't think so.

- Coffee. They should freeze it, you know? - Yes!

Fill an icecube tray with coffee and put sticks in it, for kids, you know?

So they can start out when they're kids. When they're playing, and stuff.

Like a popsicle. A caffeine popsicle.

Νery good. I don't understand nothing. Yes.

- Can you hear me? - What?

Can you hear me? It's very loud over here.

You having trouble hearing me? Maybe we should switch.

Yes, thank you very much. I'd like to switch.

Ahh, good here.

- Good? - I kinda liked it better over there.

- You go... - Do you mind?

Yes, me, too. I prefer, yes.

- Steve... - Steven.

Steve, yes.

- When do you leave? - The United States?

No, here.

Here, oh... I have to leave, soon actually. I have a dentist appointment.

But I don't want to go. I don't like the dentist.

- Yeah. - I gotta go. I guess.

- Yes. - I haven't gone in a while.

Good. You don't go?

- I should go, but I don't feel like going. - No?

Steve, I am free. Very free.

You wanna go for me?

Thank you very much.

- You want to go to the dentist? - I can go for you.

Great.

- Here's the address. - Good.

Good. Νery good.

- The name of the guy. - Yeah, 4:30.

- Steven, thank you very much. - No problem.

- You don't mind? - No, thank you.

Dentist appointment. Very good.

I have to go. I am sorry, Steve.

Steven.

Steve, yeah I have to go to the dentist. I am late.

- Thank you, excuse me. Sorry... - Take it easy, don't be late.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too, in a way.

What are we doing in Memphis, anyway?

- It was your idea to come here. - Your idea.

It was my idea? It was your idea.

Νery funny.

Don't smoke those sawdust cigarettes in here.

I hate those things.

- So what. - What are you, a cowboy?

- These are fresh. This is fresh tobacco. - No, this is fresh.

- This is the stupid dope fresh cigarettes. - That stuff is stale. What are you, crazy?

- I'm not crazy. - Shut up.

How we doing here? Need a refill?

- Yeah. - No.

Sir?

- Yes. - Oh yes.

- Hey! - Shit! I'm sorry.

- Come on man, what are you doing, man? - Damn, I'm sorry about that.

Let's not even pay the check. This place is terrible.

This all you're going to have? Just ahh...

- Give me a light. - Just coffee and cigarettes?

That's not too healthy, is it now?

- Can I get you a sandwich or something? - No.

- You all from around here? - No.

Are you brother and sister?

- Yes. - No.

Are you two twins?

- Yes. - No.

Yes we are.

I thought so. You know y'all remind me of?

- Who? - Heckel and Jeckel.

Shit.

You know ahh... the talking magpies?

Anyway, who's the evil twin? That's the way it works, right?

- This coffee tastes like mud. - Really.

Which one of us do you think looks like the evil one?

I'd say he's the evil one, right? He's got the evil eye.

- I'm only kidding. - You better be.

Hey, you know, I just thought of something, with you two being twins and all.

- Y'all go to Graceland yet? - No.

Oh, you should. It's real cool.

- Mind if I sit down? - Yes I do.

Yes, you can sit down. What are you, on a break?

No really, but it's kind of slow. Tell you what, you can help me out.

Just stay right there. You got me covered and my boss can't see me.

It's his evil nature, right?

Well anyway what I just thought of.

Do you know that Elvis Presley's got a twin brother?

Yeah, his name is Jesse Garon. You know, Elvis' middle name is Aron.

Aron, Garon. Anyway, everybody thinks he died at birth, you know?

But my theory is...

that his mother didn't wanna raise two kids, you know, she wasn't expecting twins.

She couldn't afford to raise them both, she gave one away.

She just sent one off.

So he grew up, Jesse that is grew up in Arkansas, or Mississippi, or something.

So he didn't know he had a brother, Elvis. But one day, like 1968 or 69...

...he's looking at himself in the mirror and says, "Damn, I look like Elvis."

So he comes to Memphis, looks up Elvis.

Elvis sees him, he says, Yeah, you're my brother. I can't believe it!

How you doing? What can I do for you?

And his brother says, well I don't know.

Sure would be nice to be you for one night.

So Elvis has this concert where his brother sang.

They tried to see if they could trick people.

And damn if he didn't sound like his brother.

Then Elvis had an idea.

Well? I'm kinda tired of the music scene. I'll send him out on tour.

Big mistake! You see, cuz' it was his brother who started to go to Vegas...

...and wear them big collars and the white jumpsuits, and the capes.

Elvis wouldn't do that. And it was his brother who got really fat.

You know, eating those banana-fried butter sandwiches and all.

The Colonel said, man we gotta get rid of this guy, you know?

He can't be Elvis anymore.

So they started feeding him pills. I think they killed him.

So what? What are you saying? What's the punch line?

- You all Elvis fans? - No.

Oh.

You want to hear something about Elvis? I'll tell you something about Elvis, okay?

- You ever heard of Otis Blackwell? - No ma'am.

- You ever heard of Junior Parker? - No ma'am.

Yeah, I didn't think so. You know, Elvis robbed their music, man.

He paid them ten bucks for their music, and all these other black musicians, too.

- That's what I think of Elvis. - See now, here's where my theory fits.

I don't think it was Elvis. I think it was his brother.

Oh, so in that case, it's alright, huh?

My favorite Elvis quote is, "The only thing coloreds can do for me is shine my shoes."

I don't think The King said that. See, I think it was his evil twin.

Danny, what you doing over there? You got tables to wait on. Come on.

- I'll be right back. - Yeah, don't get fired, man.

Danny!

Slap-happy hillbilly.

Cheers.

Something smells funny in here.

Hey!

Is that my shirt you got on?

No, I don't think so.

Yeah, I think it is. This doesn't smell like me.

Yeah? What do you smell like?

I smell like me, and this doesn't smell like me.

- I smell like me too. - But this smells like you.

That's because I am me.

Is that my shirt?

- Why are you always copying me anyway? - No. I'm not copying you.

- Why don't you get your own style? - I have my own style.

No, you're always copying me. Your style is my style, because you copy it.

- It's my style. - No it's not your style.

Service is bad, coffee is bad, music sucks.

Hey. Those are my shoes!

- Those are my shoes. - Those are my shoes...

- Those are my shoes. - Those are my other shoes.

Bullshit.

- Hey. - Hey Tom.

- Alright... - Alright, I'm glad you could make it.

- You are here. - Yeah.

Yeah, hey you know you can call me Jim.

I mean, you know, my friends call me Jim, Jimmy or Iggy... or Jiggy.

Call me J... Call me Iggy. Call me Iggy. Yeah.

OK. Alright, which ever way you go, I'll go either way, Jim or Iggy...

Iggy. You call me Iggy.

Look, I'm sorry I'm late Jim. Boy, whoo, four car pile-up.

I delivered a baby this morning at about 9 o'clock.

I was saving lives, I was out there on the highway, it was...

You know there's nothing worse than roadside surgery.

You know, you don't have your own tools, and it's just, it's murder.

I performed a tracheotomy with a ballpoint pen...

I've been busy.

Wait a minute, you're a doctor?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm a doctor.

Music and medicine really, it's really been my thing...

...it's combining the two and living in that place where they overlap.

A lot of people say it shows up in the music, you know, I don't know.

I mean it's...

- Well yeah, okay... - Yeah?

- Yeah I can see that. - Yeah. Yeah?