Superstore

I just don't understand why you have to move to California.

Because the job is with Zephra,

and Zephra's in California.

Okay, maybe I'm not following

because my whole face has gone numb

and I just hear my own blood.

Wait. Is Jonah going too?

I think I would have gotten the heads up

if Jonah were leaving, and I didn't.

So he's not, so we can just stop talking about it.

Actually, uh, yes. I am.

I'm going, so...

- Ahh. - , yeah!

Together, baby!

All you haters can suck it!

So when do you become a soulless suit

and forget about the little guy?

No, it's not...

the whole job is being a liaison to Cloud 9,

so I'm still gonna be working with you guys.

And they're still ironing out the details,

but it'll probably be soon.

Damn it!

Oh, not the California thing. I already knew about that.

I actually knew before Jonah. So, no big deal.

But Brian just texted.

We're supposed to be going to

the Aloha Thunder Indoor Waterpark for a sex weekend,

but it turns out they're closing.

Seems like this coronavirus deal is spreading.

Whoa! The NBA just announced

they're suspending the season.

All: What? - Wow.

More cases are popping up

in Oregon, Washington, New York...

You guys, Tom Hanks has it!

All: What? No!

What about Rita?

Does it say anything about Rita?

- Ahh... - Damn.

And Zephra is adamant that we follow

the CDC recommendation of washing your hands

for a full 20 seconds.

20 seconds?

That's, like, literally forever.

It's about the length of two "Happy Birthdays."

So just sing that, and you'll be fine.

Yeah, but whose name do we insert?

I have a friend named Ty, and I have a friend

named Alexandrina Geneviva.

Those are two wildly different time frames.

Just say... the name Emma.

Oh, God. Is this your way of making us

sing "Happy Birthday" to Emma because all of her friends

ditched her on her birthday this year?

No, that didn't happen.

Emma is very popular,

and she's dating a very cute boy named Braydon.

Very cute.

I don't mean cute like I think he's hot,

because I'm an adult and that would be weird.

Whatever... just wash your hands! There's a virus.

Hey, any update on when you two lovebirds

are moving to Cali?

Well, um...

with all of this craziness, they've pushed my start date.

So it's all a little up in the air.

Just like this virus.

Just kidding. It's not airborne.

Well, we don't know that. It could be. Anyway.

Oh, my God. Hey, everyone's overreacting.

I mean, no friggin' way

I'm missing out on spring break this year.

Actually, the latest articles are saying

that washing your hands isn't enough.

We should be wearing face coverings,

avoiding large groups.

Like, say, 50 plus employees

and an endless stream of customers?

That sounds like here.

Yeah, um... I'll call Zephra.

I'm sure they have more guidelines for us.

But for now, they want everybody to know

that, "We value our employees' dedication."

"You are essential, and the true heroes

during this chaotic time."

Excuse me?

The SVP of Company Communications,

Sandy Sugarman, just called us heroes?

It's about damn time.

Yeah!

Are we still heroes

if we definitely wouldn't be here

if we didn't have to be?

I can keep this, right?

You don't care if I keep this, do ya?

What happened to the café?

Oh, um...

the governor shut down all indoor dining.

Damn. This is my favorite restaurant.

Uh, are y... are you serious?

- Jonah, just let it go. - No, no, no.

Today's restaurant landscape?

Have you tried Barrell and Sage?

If you give me your email address,

I can send you my list.

Let's go, sir. No lingering.

Just pick a conditioner and keep moving.

Nope, nope. You're fine, sir.

Take all of the time you need.

Ah, he's just putting on a show.

We all know he's just using it to masturbate.

Okay, Dina?

Our customers are already on edge.

They don't need us blowing whistles

and yelling at them about masturbation.

Hard disagree. You heard Sugarman.

We are essential.

Customers are like sheep looking for guidance.

Without leaders, sheep start to eat each other.

So, unless one of us leads,

this place is gonna be littered in haggis

from here to Sunday.

All right, soft hands. Get goin'.

Sorry. Where's the bottled water?

Oh! That'll be in grocery.

Just down there and to your left.

- Thanks. - Oh, come on.

I'm not a hero.

I'm not a hero!

I guess I'm kinda lucky

because now that all concerts are shut down,

I don't have to throw that huge, illegal music festival

for my birthday that I charge people for.

I don't think I knew about that.

Oh, really? Tickets are still available.

You should check it out.

Hey, they still have some!

Oh, um, sir? If you just wanna wait,

we're gonna, um...

If you just give us one second...

We're gonna put it out, so just be chill.

Attention shoppers.

We ask that you please not physically wrestle things

from your fellow customers.

There's a highly contract able virus out there

that our country does not have a hold of.

None of y'all are listening, huh?

All right. Enjoy the apocalypse.

Looks like the sheep are starting to eat each other.

Do sheep eat each other?

Isn't that what haggis is?

I don't know, Dina said something.

Hey, Mateo?

Did Zephra get back to me about the guidelines?

Oh, yeah.

They sent over a very detailed, step-by-step...

JK, they're drowning over there.

Very helpful. Thank you.

Sandra? What...

Okay, well, if they're not gonna help us,

then we're gonna have to figure this out ourselves.

Okay, listen up!

Everybody in single-file lines.

The only people grabbing anything off the shelves

are the employees,

and once you receive your items,

please proceed to checkout.

Okay. Great.

We've got this under control.

Oh, yeah. Totally.

I mean, and this is just temporary, so...

Totally!

I mean, couple weeks, we'll be back to normal.

So, whenever at all possible, you must remain 6 feet apart.

Well, is it 6 feet from, like,

the center of our bodies

or from, like, where our bodies end?

Great question. Um...

I'm gonna say start measuring from nips and tips.

Sorry, are the men measuring from the nips or the tips?

I think women nips, men tips.

Yeah.

So... ooh.

Okay! Thank you, Dina.

So, first off, Marcus tested positive for COVID

after attending a spring break party on the lake.

So if any of you have been hanging out with Marcus,

you should leave now.

Yeah, that's what I thought. I just had to ask.

Okay, um, some good news.

Oh, my God. You're pregnant.

All: - Jesus, Amy! Again?

- No! - Is it Adam's?

- What? No! - Why would it be Adam's?

It's usually Adam's.

I'm not pregnant.

I was going to say.

Zephra finally sent over the safety protocols.

Yay.