Corner Gas Animated

This is gonna be fun!

- I'm super excited! - It's too early to be super excited.

See? A yawn.

- That's proof. - This is my first time

going out deer hunting with the fellas.

Okay, but why do you have to go out at the break of dawn?

It doesn't seem fair to shoot something

while they're still asleep.

- We're not actually shooting anything. - You're not?

- We're not? - No, we just go out into the woods

during deer season to sort of participate

in the whole thing. It's like camping,

but we don't actually shoot anything.

- Aw... - Maybe some road signs.

- Yay! - Good for you.

I mean, to be honest, you never really struck me as a hunter.

More of a gatherer. Hoarder.

Bystander? I'm trying not to say "coward."

Look, just because this is a farming town,

it doesn't mean everyone's into killing stuff.

- Time to go bag us some Bambis! - Whoo-hooo!

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

Having said that, many people around here

are super into killing stuff.

2x07 - Pioneer and Deer

So none of you... not Hank, not Davis,

- have killed anything? Ever? - Nope.

Unless a mosquito lands on me and starts sucking.

I will straight up murder that.

Then what do you guys do in the woods?

We eat hotdogs, drink coffee, pee on stuff.

So, same thing you do when you're not in the woods,

- and zero shooting. - We still have a good time.

I like to take photos of any animals we see.

Davis is big into tracking,

so there's a lot of crouching and looking pensive,

- and sniffing branches or whatever. - What about Hank?

We're not going to shoot Hank.

Oh, Hank shoot something? Uh. He's not going to kill anything.

He's too sensitive and emotionally delicate.

Aw!

Oh, boy! Pioneer Days is finally here.

Oh, my favourite event.

I think this year I'll start watching the Butter Churnament,

then spend a couple hours at the Fiddling Deathmatch,

and then win a few bucks at Chicken Crap Bingo.

How does that sound?

It sounds like I forgot to tell you you're not going.

What? Why the hell not?

Because you've been banned by the organizing committee.

Banned? What does the organizing committee have against me?

These Pioneer Days are a joke!

The baking contest is right beside the livestock stench!

The hamster races are rigged! Half of them are gerbils!

The whole thing is a gong show.

You even got rid of the gong show!

Do you jackass simpletons have one brain between you?

"Simpleton" is a medical term.

The bottom line is you're banned, and even if you weren't,

you still have to stay home and guard my caulibarb.

- Caulibarb? I've never heard of... - It's my own hybrid plant.

- Because of course it is. - Part cauliflower, part rhubarb.

The deer go crazy for it this time of year.

So, Oscar, you're staying home and guarding the garden.

- Why can't you do it? - I have to do

the Old-Timey Threshing Machine demonstration again.

- People love it. - But Karen's out hunting.

Doesn't she usually play your pioneer woman?

Yeah, but Wanda is happy to fill in.

Why do I have to do your stupid play?

You just have to talk about pioneer life.

It's all in the script.

"A Day in the Life of a Pioneer" with Jane T. Wright.

Why does that name sound familiar?

I'm playing her? She looks more like you.

Why don't you do it?

Oh, I would never dream of stepping into her shoes.

Jane T. Wright was the very embodiment

of the strong prairie woman. Tough, yet tender.

Sassy, yet sweet. Kind, yet terrifying.

- Paradoxical, yet... - I got it! She was a real bag of snakes.

Don't worry about the presentation.

No one's going to pay any attention to you.

They're really there to see me run the old-timey thresher.

- It's very exciting. - That must be why

there's so many action movies about agriculture.

I wanted to leave the assassin life behind

and grow flax and barley,

but you wouldn't let me.

Looks like this farmer is gonna be harvesting...

organs.

I don't remember that movie.

I made it up as a graphic example.

- ...and a dollar is your change. - Keep it.

A dollar tip? Fitzy, are you drunk?

A small thank you for volunteering to wood the grill

- at the Pioneer Days barbecue. - Now, it is my pleasure.

I came up with a new marinade for my chicken,

a delicate blend of Italian herbs,

with turmeric and ginger...

Can you put it on deer steaks and deer sausage?

There's no deer on the menu.

There's no menu. It's deer.

Every year we cook up what the hunters bring back.

You've never lived until you've tasted a fresh Bambi burger.

What do you people have against Bambi?!

I hope the hunters get a good haul this year.

You never know,

because there's no foolproof way to lure a deer.

- Caulibarb! - You can call it Barb,

you can call it Dave, deer still won't come.

- Right. Forget I said anything. - Can do.

Look at them up there,

thinking they're so big and macho in the front seat.

I'm riding up front on the way home!

You getting queasy back there, buddy?

- Funny tummy? - My tummy is fine...

- I-I mean, my gut is fine! - I have to be up here to track.

Monitor wind shifts, look for motion in the bush...

You're just up there because that's where the Danishes are.

Hey, Hank, what kind of flowers are you going to pick this year?

I don't pick flowers! I clear bush!

Okay, all right.

I'm just saying, when you're done,

you've usually made a pretty nice daisy chain.

So? I like chain. All kinds of chain.

Maybe I'll make some chain mail. Join a chain gang.

You got raisin Danish? Nobody likes raisin.

I'll eat it. I can handle a few raisins.

You sure, Hank? You know raisins give you the scoots.

Deal with it!

Hey! I read your stupid pioneer play.

It's just about how hard the men worked,

and how tough the men were,

and how the women just swooned around at home,

squirting out kids and bread.

Maybe that's how it was back then.

Pioneer women contributed a hell of a lot to settle this country.

Look at Jane T. Wright.

- What did Jane T. Wright do? - What did she do?!

I don't know. Didn't you write this?

I just picked it up from stories old people threw around town.

Go do some research and rewrite it if you want.

I've got an old book of Dog River history.

Go get it from Oscar.

Stupid garden... "Go protect my caulibarb!"

Yeah. If you didn't invent it, the deer wouldn't eat it.

Ever think of that?!

- Oh, right, I'm alone. - Oscar!

I thought I was alone.

Have any deer come around here?

You haven't shot any, have you?

You can't fire off a gun within town limits.

If I could, I wouldn't need the fence, would I, genius?

So the deer can't be shot if they're within town limits?

Uh, listen, I was thinking how unfair it is

that you were banned from Pioneer Days.

If I were you, I'd go anyway, just to prove a point.

Maybe I will!

- What's my point? - Your point is you're a grown man

who can't be told what to do.

Now, put on a disguise so no one recognizes you.

A disguise? That's a good idea.

Thanks, Lacey.

I take back the mean stuff I said about you this morning.

You didn't say anything mean to me.

Not "to" you.

Hey, Brent, if you're into taking photos,

take one of me in this hunting gear.

- I want to send it to my dad. - Okiedoke.

That's your camera?

Shouldn't that be on display at Pioneer Days?

Just use my phone. I want to text him the pictures.

Fine, be a techno-sheep. No skin off my nose.

- How do I look? - Kind of pudgy.

- Reverse the lens. - Oh, there you are, but it's a bit dark.

There's better lighting in that clearing.

Plus I've been itching to pee on that shrub since we got here.

How's it hanging?

I think I may have found a game trail.

Cool, cool...

- Hey, uh, you got any tobacco? - Tobacco?

Yeah, smoke or chew, either's good.

- Tough guys chew, right? - I don't.

Ha! You said it, not me!

- Ah... - You okay, Hank?

You didn't eat that raisin Danish, did you?

No, I'm just...

I heard Brent say he thinks I'm emotional and delicate.

- So you need a hug? - What I need is to show him

I'm tougher than he thinks, so this year

I'm going to actually shoot a deer,

but I need something from you.

- Hug time. Bring it in, little buddy. - No, no, no,

you have to track a deer so I can kill it.

I just track for the thrill of the chase,

getting close enough to actually see one

before they bound off into the woods

with their puffy white tail bouncing behind them.

- I'll give you all the meat. - Done.